BoJack Horseman (TV Series)

Downer Ending (2014)

Will Arnett: BoJack Horseman, Butterscotch Horseman

Photos 

Quotes 

• [final lines] 

  BoJack Horseman : My question is for Diane. Look, I'm sorry about all the stuff I said about you earlier. We can publish the book you wrote. You're obviously a better writer than I am. And... And I don't... actually even care what the world thinks about me anymore. I just hated reading that book because I hated feeling like that's how *you* saw me. Because I guess you know me better than anybody, if you think that.

  [sighs] 

  BoJack Horseman : Um, I-I guess my question is do you... do you think it's too late for me?

  Diane Nguyen : What?

  BoJack Horseman : I mean a-a-a-a-a-a-am I just doomed to be the person that I am? Th-The person in that book? I mean i-it's not too late for me, is it? It's not too late? Diane, I need you to tell me it's not too late.

  Diane Nguyen : BoJack, I...

  BoJack Horseman : I-I-I-I need you to tell me that I'm a good person. I know that I can be selfish and narcissistic and self-destructive, but underneath all that, deep down, I'm a good person, and I need you to tell me that I'm good. Diane? Tell me, please, Diane. Tell me that I'm good.

  [a long stretch of silence pans out, subtly accompanied by the sounds of ocean waves and BoJack's imaginary daughter, Harper, giggling in the background] 

  Audience Member : Hey, aren't you the horse from "Horsin' Around"?

• BoJack Horseman : You can throw this turd of a book in the garbage, and then light the garbage on fire. In fact you can burn all books because my book, written by me, is going to kick your dick off.

• BoJack Horseman : Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a shower so I can't tell if I'm crying or not.

• BoJack Horseman : This is my last chance to make people love me again. If this goes out, everybody's gonna see the real me. Now, I spend a lot of time with the real me, and believe me, nobody's gonna love that guy.

• BoJack Horseman : [typing]  My parents loved me so much, it was crazy. I remember one Sunday afternoon, my mother said, "Your father and I want to spend quality family time together. All the kids in school envy your intelligence and kickball ability. Here's an ice cream sundae." No, wait. "An ice cream sandwich." No. "A dreamsicle." No. I don't know. This is dumb.

  Butterscotch Horseman : [in fantasy, slaps young BoJack]  Nice writing, Shakespeare.

  Young BoJack : [in fantasy]  What did I do?

• [During his hallucination...] 

  Sabrina : Horse! Horse! Horse!

  BoJack Horseman : Yes?

  Sabrina : Can you make me a penisbutter and vajelly sandwich?

  BoJack Horseman : What?

  Sarah Lynn : [suddenly grown up and wearing Sabrina's pink overalls]  I said, "Make me a penisbutter and vajelly sandwich, BIIIIIIIIIITCH!"

• BoJack Horseman : Can't believe Diane thought this was so hard.

  [mocking Diane] 

  BoJack Horseman : Ow, my fingers are cramping from all this typing. It's like they're having their period.

  Todd Chavez : Did Diane really say that?

  BoJack Horseman : No, but my fingers are cramping. It's like they're having their period.

• BoJack Horseman : Just need something to help me focus. Coffee. No, no. Cigarettes. No, tequila! Ugh, no. I just need the right music... to do drugs to.

• BoJack Horseman : I feel like we can beat this font. Ah, Copperplate, a font for the truly modern man. Ha, no! There you are, Verdana. Thought you though you could hide at the end of the alphabet, did ya? Oh, Comic Sans, you drunk, go home. 3:10? I just spent six hours playing with fonts? Holy shit!

• Beatrice Horseman : Go out there.

  BoJack Horseman : I can't.

  Beatrice Horseman : Can't lives in a house on Won't Street. You will not embarrass me in front of the entire Supper Club. I told them you were going to sing the Lollipop Song.

  BoJack Horseman : But I don't feel like singing.

  Beatrice Horseman : Nobody gives a damn what you feel. You've got an audience out there and they want to hear you sing. Now, you want your mommy to love you? You go out there and you do the only thing youre good for, which is singing the goddamn Lollipop Song.

• BoJack Horseman : Oh, it's "Hu." Doctor Hu.

  Dr. Allen Hu : That's right, Doctor Hu. Doctor Allen Hu.

  BoJack Horseman : No, no, no, but I thought it was "Who," like Doctor Who.

  Dr. Allen Hu : Yes, that's exactly what it's like.

  BoJack Horseman : No, not H-U, but, "who," like, "Hello, who is it?"

  Dr. Allen Hu : Uh, I don't know. Who is it? I'm sorry, is this a joke? Is he telling a joke?

• Diane Nguyen : Hey! What seems to be the problem?

  BoJack Horseman : Good grief. I'm so depressed. I just want everyone to love me, but I don't know how to make them do it.

  Diane Nguyen : You can't force love, you blockhead. All you can do is be good to the people in your life and keep your heart open.

• BoJack Horseman : Todd, how's it going with the heart-warming anecdotes?

  Todd Chavez : Great! I'm writing about the time we officially became best friends.

  BoJack Horseman : Nice! Can you change "best" to "pretty good"?

• Diane Nguyen : BoJack, when people find out that someone like you, who seems larger than life, is actually just as wounded and vulnerable as they are, it makes them feel less lonely.

  BoJack Horseman : Ugh, no! Maybe that's what flawed, sad fatties want from other celebrities. But for BoJack Horseman, they want a heroic horse-stud who is awesome and who can save them from their flawed, sad, fatty lives.

• Herb Kazzaz : Cut! Get your head out of your ass, BJ. Your line is, "This is all I am and all I'll ever be."

  BoJack Horseman : This is all I am and all I'll ever be.

• BoJack Horseman : You know what your problem is? You think you're so much smarter than everybody. Well, guess what? I spent as much time with you as you did with me. Why don't I write a book about how you married Mr. Peanutbutter because he's too dumb to see how much better you think you are?

• BoJack Horseman : Oh, you think what you do is *so hard*?

  [mocks Diane] 

  BoJack Horseman : Oh, I'm a writer. I go to coffee shops with my laptop and my notebook and my dumb glasses that I have to wear because I'm so important I have to see clearly.

• BoJack Horseman : I screwed it all up. It's too late for me, isn't it?

  Diane Nguyen : I don't know. I'm just a crazy drug hallucination. I'll say whatever you want me to.

  BoJack Horseman : Then tell me it's not too late.

  Diane Nguyen : Well, it's not too late. It's never too late.

  BoJack Horseman : Yeah, that's right.

  Diane Nguyen : It's never too late to be the person you want to be. You need to choose the life you want.

• Diane Nguyen : Okay, I know you're upset...

  BoJack Horseman : I'm not upset. I'm just sick of nerd-girls like you beating up on stars like me. It's pathetic! I'm sorry no one wanted to date you in high school, Diane, but I don't see why I have to suffer just because you were never especially pretty or interesting.

  Diane Nguyen : You really let me down, BoJack.