- Josephine Bonaparte: ...And you promised back when we were dating that once you were ruler of France, your conquering days were over! But you haven't slowed down one bit! It's always "conquer zis" and "conquer zat"! Wel, now it's MY turn to discover who I am! I've already signed up for classes at the community college, so I'm going to need you at home from now on.
- [Napoleon tries to protest]
- Josephine Bonaparte: Forget it! That is final!
- [Napoleon agrees]
- Buck Tuddrussel: That guy is whipped!
- [Josephine glares at Tuddrussel, who screams and bolts]
- [Josephine catches Napoleon at Waterloo]
- Josephine Bonaparte: Don't you "baby" ME! All I asked for was a little support! You couldn't help me one teeny-tiny little bit! I have had it with you, you little shrimp!
- [knocks down Napoleon]
- Buck Tuddrussel: Little buddy! That's it! You're going down, lady!
- [the Time Squad and the French army attack Josephine... who utterly decimates them]
- Buck Tuddrussel: Wow... Lady, I... I ain't had my butt kicked like that in years...
- Josephine Bonaparte: Really?... Oh, you're just saying zat. I'm no good at anything!
- Otto Osworth: No, seriously. You've got great talent. You could be a great conqueror, maybe even as good as Napoleon!
- Josephine Bonaparte: Oh, you mean it?
- [Napoleon serenades Josephine]
- Josephine Bonaparte: You want me to fight beside you? Oh, Nappy, I love you!
- [kisses her husband]
- [Larry sees Tuddrussel beating the microwave and gives a mincing yelp]
- Larry 3000: What on Earth are you doing?
- Buck Tuddrussel: I'm teaching this dang thing a lesson!
- Larry 3000: This "thing" is a kitchen appliance, you brute! We've got feelings, too, you know!
- [He strokes the beaten microwave]
- Larry 3000: Oh, you poor little fellow. Did he hurt you?
- Larry 3000: Think of time as a section of rope. As Earth moves forward through time, more rope is formed. Recently it was discovered that as time grew older, it began to decay, or "unravel," as it were, and this disintegration of the past begins to create disastrous results in our future. Let's say that because of this instability in the past, the dodo bird never becomes extinct, and because of this, a young Henry Ford is attacked by one of these filthy creatures. He is so traumatized by the experience that he never invents the auto assembly line, or the Model T. Without this primitive automobile as a jumping-off point, we in the future are suddenly without our fancy solar-powered hover cars. That's why we have to constantly repair the past and keep our future strong.
- Otto Osworth: Excuse me, Mr. Confucius?
- [Confucius hides upon seeing Tuddrussel, who beat him up earlier]
- Otto Osworth: You think you could shorten your books down to little catchy phrases?
- Confucius: Sure, Confucius do anything you say. Just don't hurt.
- [Napoleon is about to execute the Time Squad]
- Josephine Bonaparte: Napoleon Francis Bonaparte, what do you think you are doing?
- Otto Osworth: Larry, quick, tell him we're sorry!
- [Larry clears his throat]
- Larry 3000: [in French] My venerable Emperor, I beg you kindly...
- Napoleon Bonaparte: [in French] No!
- [He whistles for his men]
- Larry 3000: [in French] Believe me, Your Excellence...
- [the Time Squad are surrounded by bayonets]
- Larry 3000: Oh, forget it.