- [watching May and her Hydra double face off]
- Phil Coulson: I can't believe I'm the only one seeing this right now.
- Melinda May: So, what did she do? Fake me. How'd you know it wasn't me?
- Phil Coulson: Little things. And she wanted to get coffee.
- Melinda May: Ah. Punch her in the face?
- Phil Coulson: Yeah.
- Melinda May: Good.
- Skye: [Hears a noise over the comms] Wait. What was that?
- Phil Coulson: Yeah. That's May.
- Skye: Is-is she okay? Is everything okay?
- Phil Coulson: Yes. She's laughing. I think the worst of it's over now.
- Melinda May: [Walks up to Coulson] My face hurts.
- Lance Hunter: [Walking into the room with Mac and Fitz] Guys. Drop everything.
- Leo Fitz: [Looking at the cylinder in his hands] No, this is worth a fortune. I'm not going to drop it.
- Phil Coulson: Maybe this will sound weird but, how about when this is over, you and I go finally get that cup of coffee we were supposed to get all those years back?
- Agent Q: [Disguised as Melinda May] I thought you'd never ask. Once this is over, I'd like that.
- Phil Coulson: [Punches her in the face] May hates coffee.
- Agent Q: Agent May, surrender, and you will find satisfaction.
- Melinda May: I get my satisfaction elsewhere.
- Agent Q: The best part about killing you is that I won't have to be you anymore.
- Melinda May: If you were really me... you wouldn't talk so much.
- Phil Coulson: This is fun, right? Isn't this fun? Look -
- [Holds up his sleeves]
- Phil Coulson: Cufflinks!
- Melinda May: I will pay you $500 right now for a pair of flats.
- Brigadier General Glenn Talbot: I did what, now?
- Phil Coulson: I know. It's a lot to process.
- Brigadier General Glenn Talbot: I mean, a painting, Coulson, and you weren't immediately suspicious it wasn't me?
- Phil Coulson: To be fair, we're not that close.
- Melinda May: I assume this all makes you happy.
- Phil Coulson: Why would this make me happy?
- Melinda May: We failed in our mission. We're outnumbered, trapped, hoping not to get killed. Feels like the old days to me.
- Lance Hunter: [Referring to his marriage] No, it didn't work out because interspecies relationships are hard. I was a human. Whereas she was a demonic hell beast.
- Brigadier General Glenn Talbot: Agent Coulson. Agent May. Seems like you're in a hurry.
- Phil Coulson: The caterers ran out of coconut shrimp. There's no reason to stay.
- Phil Coulson: We're blown.
- Melinda May: Why?
- Phil Coulson: No idea. I think Talbot's still pissed 'cause we kidnapped him that time.
- Alphonso 'Mack' Mackenzie: [the gang is talking about exes] You know, I wish I could relate, but all my exes are awesome.
- Lance Hunter: Is that right? I seem to remember an entire year where you had to pretend you liked quinoa.
- Alphonso 'Mack' Mackenzie: Yeah. That was a dark time.
- Lance Hunter: Bridget said Soto's sending out the painting for verification first thing in the morning. She, uh, whispered it in my ear, if you know what I mean.
- Phil Coulson: Yes, everybody on the planet knows what you mean, Hunter. Let's focus.
- Melinda May: [laughing while under cover] I must get a picture of us together.
- [Turns to Coulson]
- Melinda May: Charles. C'mere. Honey, can you take a picture of me and Mr. Soto? It's be such a nice momento of the evening.
- Phil Coulson: Oh, yes, that would be nice.
- Gabriel Soto: He's... your husband?
- Melinda May: [to Soto] We're modern.
- [to Coulson]
- Melinda May: Charles? Please?
- Phil Coulson: You weren't exactly thrilled when we got assigned that retrieval op in Sausalito that coffee shop, our first mission?
- Melinda May: That's because the commander sent us in with no exit plan. I was in the bay for five hours.
- Phil Coulson: I fished you out... eventually.
- Alphonso 'Mack' Mackenzie: Sir. Notice the car? 1962 Rolls. Restored it myself.
- Phil Coulson: [smiling] I noticed. Still not lettin' you work on Lola.
- Alphonso 'Mack' Mackenzie: [smiling back] In time, sir. In time.
- Phil Coulson: This is fun, right?
- [to May. They are dressed formally to go under cover]
- Phil Coulson: Isn't this fun? Look. Cuff links.
- Melinda May: [sternly] I will pay you $500 right now for a pair of flats.
- Alphonso 'Mack' Mackenzie: [gravely] Good luck, sir.
- Melinda May: [Referring to Talbot] I'll handle it.
- Phil Coulson: May...
- Melinda May: Hey, this is the part I do. It'll make up for all the dancing.
- Phil Coulson: You liked it.
- Melinda May: No, I didn't.
- Phil Coulson: A little bit?
- Melinda May: A little bit.
- Priest: [about the painting] It dates back to Spain, the early 1500s. It was the only item in our entire church that was spared. It's a miracle; one which might help us rebuild.
- Bishop: Experts will have to verify it, of course.
- Priest: Your grace, shouldn't it be enough simply to believe in the miracle? Does it have to be proven?
- Bishop: Faith is enough for us, but the rest of the world... they'll need something more tangible.
- Lance Hunter: It's weird-women just like me. always have. Never understood it. Must be a magnetism thing, I guess. Who can explain it, eh?
- Skye: If it makes you feel any better, I don't get it, either.
- Lance Hunter: You hear that? If I wanted someone to take jabs at me, I'd still be married.
- Sunil Bakshi: Welcome back, Agent May. I have a few questions for you. For example, why your sudden interest in religious artwork?
- Melinda May: Everybody has a hobby.
- Sunil Bakshi: You and your small band of S.H.I.E.L.D. compatriots... there can't be many of you left. Who's running your operation? Where are you based?
- Melinda May: Currently? About five feet from kicking your ass.
- Daniel Whitehall: Hello, Raina. I'm Daniel Whitehall. You recently took something from me.
- Raina: Oh, the Obelisk. I see what this is now. I can help you...
- Daniel Whitehall: Raina, I'm not like most of the people with whom you interact. I'm not easily confused. I've been around too long to lose sight of what's mine. I generally don't do my own dirty work anymore. We should all aspire to do only that which we enjoy, don't you agree? But in your case, I will make an exception.
- Brigadier General Glenn Talbot: Just to be clear, this is all about a mask that this guy put on and made him look like me?
- Phil Coulson: Yeah.
- Brigadier General Glenn Talbot: You know, I spent five long months in an enemy war camp. You people make me miss those days. But hey, why don't we keep chatting on this secure line you've hacked so I can draw a bead on your location, and we can get some quality face time?
- Phil Coulson: [Hangs up on General Talbot] Some people are better in small doses.
- Melinda May: [Chuckles] Meanwhile, now we know Hydra is searching for evidence of the alien writing. That's not good.