- Milt Chamberlain: I'm sorry, Russ. I don't know what's worse. Knowing your mother's a killer, or knowing she doesn't love you.
- Russ Agnew: I've always known my mother doesn't love me.
- Russ Agnew: [to the ME] The time frame that my mother pulled out of her ass just happens to fit within the time frame that you pulled out of your ass.
- Russ Agnew: [to Milt, about all the women in the clothing store] They've been ogling you since you and I walked through the door. Seriously? You didn't notice that? You've looked at you, right?
- Russ Agnew: [Referring to his mother] Your best option is to not believe a word that she says. It's served me well for many years.
- Sales Clerk: How's your mom doin' in there? Does she need anything?
- Milt Chamberlain: Oh, I don't think so. And, and she's not my mom.
- [Pointing to Russ who is rubbing his forehead in exasperation]
- Milt Chamberlain: She's his mom.
- Russ Agnew: Hello. Hi. Uh, we've told the last four sales girls the same thing. So, maybe you could tell the next four that come through here to come up with a new opening line.
- Sales Clerk: Actually... I don't work here.
- [Smiles as she hands Milt a card]