ANI: A Parody (2014)

Nick Lang: Pappy, Obi-Wan

Quotes 

• Pappy : Oh please, please, you call me Pappy! All my friends do!

• Obi-Wan Kenobi : [Holding his head]  It's as if a million voices cried out in terror... and then were suddenly silenced.

  [pause] 

  Obi-Wan Kenobi : I have the worst hangover in history.

• Obi-Wan Kenobi : You see, only a Sith deals in absolutes.

  Tarkin : Wait a minute, that doesn't make any sense at all.

  Obi-Wan Kenobi : I on the other hand, deal in Absolut!

  [drinks from a bottle of vodka] 

  Obi-Wan Kenobi : Whoo! We're having fun now, man!

• Obi-Wan Kenobi : Don't you see, don't you see, there has to be a balance in harmony between light and the dark side. And to create that harmony, we wanted to wipe out the dark side! And then all of a sudden two Siths come along and they kill all but two Jedis? That's not balance.

• Tarkin : Do you remember Ani?

  Obi-Wan Kenobi : Yes. I loved him like a brother. So I cut him in half... and I put him in a volcano.

  Tarkin : Oh... well... he's better now.

• Ani : Great dance, kid, that was one in a million.

  Mara : Thanks, Ani!

  Bib Fortuna : Jabba says you got the part!

  [Last lines] 

• Obi-Wan Kenobi : Oh good, well quit Tarkin all the muff and let's have a drink, shall we?

• Obi-Wan Kenobi : Well... it's like... goddammit, right? It's like, y-y-you think you kill a guy... and then he shows up as a goddamn robut. And this is the second time this has happened to me!