Family Guy (TV Series)

The 2,000-Year-Old Virgin (2014)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Brian Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Captain Seamus, God

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : All right, Jesus. Nowadays, everything is done on the internet. All right, so we gotta get you on Facebook. Whoop, lemme just close a couple of these windows... Here we go. Sorry. I was up late last night... had the house to myself. Sorry. Sorry.

  Glenn Quagmire : Lot of POV stuff.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, I like to pretend that's mine down there, what's doing all the slapping.

  Joe Swanson : [suspicious]  Peter, how old is that girl?

  Peter Griffin : Uh, excuse me. Won't you?

  [takes the laptop to his car and drives away] 

• Jesus Christ : Lois... Seems like you folks learned... the lesson I intended.

  Peter Griffin : *What* lesson?

  Jesus Christ : Oh, you know... uuuh... That... this holiest of days is about... appreciating... our loved ones and... uuuuh... resisting... temptation.

  Lois Griffin : Oh... So it was a test. Like when your father told Abraham to sacrifice Isaac?

  Jesus Christ : Yes! *That*! That's exactly right! Uuuuh... well. I can see my work here is done.

  Peter Griffin : Well taught, Jesus. Well taught.

  Jesus Christ : Yeah I guess, who cares. I'm not even real, Merry Christmas.

• Stewie Griffin : Boy this must be killing you! You're an atheist and the one guy you don't believe in is getting to bang the woman of your dreams.