Nicole Kidman: Self - Guest

Quotes 

• Self - Host : I don't know if you remember this but we've met before

  Self - Guest : Oh, I remember

  Self - Host : Do you remember this? It's really embarrassing for me

  Self - Guest : Yes

  Self - Guest : I have not seen you since then

  Self - Host : I have not right?

  Self - Guest : No

  Self - Host : That is correct. But this is years ago, do you want me to tell my version of the story?

  Self - Guest : Yeah you tell your version

  Self - Host : I'm walking down the street in New York City, my friend Rick calls me and says "dude what'd you doing?" I go "I'm just walking down the street." He goes "I have Nicole Kidman with me and she wants to meet you for to be in Bewitched or something like that", so I go "what?" and he goes "I can be at your apartment in ten minutes". I go "you're going to bring Nicole Kidman to my apartment?" and I'm like "what do I do?", "do I have something for her?" He goes "I don't know just get some cheese and crackers or something" and I'm like cheese and crackers? I don't even know what you're talking about. I don't have dinner parties. I don't have anyone over my house. I have video games and sneakers

  Self - Guest : That's right

  Self - Host : So I go in the deli "what'd you mean cheese?" he goes "get Brie or something" Brie? I don't even know what that is." I'm on Saturday Night Live I guess, I don't even remember when it was

  Self - Guest : [after Jimmy stares at her]  I just remember I liked you and he was like not now. I'm married now but he was all like...

  Self - Host : [Confused]  wait what?

  Self - Guest : [Telling her version of the story]  so Rick our mutual friend says "Jimmy wants to meet you and you can come over to his apartment" and I'm single and I'm like "ok yeah."

  Self - Host : [Shocked]  wait what?

  Self - Guest : Yes

  Self - Host : [Raises his voice]  wait, what are you talking about?

  Self - Guest : Yes

  Self - Host : Did I date Nicole Kidman? Did we go on a date?

  Self - Guest : So I go over and your there in a baseball cap and like "nothing", just like...

  Self - Host : I had Brie cheese

  Self - Guest : And you wouldn't talk, you didn't say anything, you're like "hey, um"

  Self - Host : I was nervous. I didn't this a "thing". I thought this was for a movie

  Self - Guest : It was meant to just "hang", and then you put a video game on or something and I'm like "this is so bad". I swear and you didn't talk at all so after about an hour and a half I thought "he has no interest, this is so embarrassing."

  Self - Host : [Putting his face in his hands in disappointment]  I had no clue at all

  Self - Guest : And I left and went "ok no chemistry, and then I was like "maybe his gay"

  Self - Host : [Stands up in protest and to the crowd]  come on, that's it I'm out of here, take care

  Self - Guest : [Stands up and sits behind Jimmy's desk]  ok so now I'm going to do the show

  Self - Host : [Walks back and lies down on the couch replicating a therapy session]  well...

  Self - Guest : So tell me Jimmy...

  Self - Host : Well doctor I remember like it was yesterday Nicole Kidman came over...

  Self - Guest : [Both of them stand up and he walks over and sits behind his desk]  that was our date

  Self - Host : Do you remember what the apartment looked like?

  Self - Guest : [Sitting back on the couch]  not much anyway we weren't meant to be right?

  Self - Host : You made a great decision

  Self - Guest : You did

  Self - Host : You made a fantastic decision

  Self - Guest : But now we're both married with kids

  Self - Host : I can't believe I dated Nicole Kidman, this is unbelievable

• Self - Guest : You didn't

  Self - Host : This is unbelievable, this is one of the most awkward moments ever

  Self - Guest : You're red

  Self - Host : I am, I'm in shock

  Self - Guest : So am I

  Self - Host : I can't believe it, yeah your definitely embarrassed, are you friends with Rick anymore?

  Self - Guest : No, his adorable

  Self - Host : You made such a better decision. Keith Urban is so much cooler than I am, his a rock star. You live in Nashville now

  Self - Guest : I do

  Self - Host : His always on tour isn't he? Yes these country guys are always on tour

  Self - Guest : Now you're trying to be all serious on me

  Self - Host : I'm not trying to be serious, here's the deal...

  Self - Guest : Yes

  Self - Host : I'm not always on tour. I'm always at home with the kids

  Self - Guest : You're working all the time

  Self - Host : He just played a gig on New Year 's Eve right?

  Self - Guest : He did, in Niagara Falls

  Self - Host : Niagara Falls, the Canada side? Or the New York side?

  Self - Guest : The Canada side: beautiful

  Self - Host : That's the side, the Canada side has lights, almost like Vegas its fun. The New York side looks like a Lemony Snicket's book cover, sad, no leaves on the trees, and you go "what happened? Why is that place so much worst?" The Canada side that's the side to do it. We've got to work on our side

  Self - Guest : I've never been to the New York side

  Self - Host : We'll fix it up, but where does he play?

  Self - Guest : He played a beach show for six thousand people

  Self - Host : Have you ever been to Niagara Falls?

  Self - Guest : [Eventually feeling tension between each other]  I had before, we can't even have a conversation

  Self - Host : [Eventually raises his left hand to show her his wedding ring]  you feel a little "something"? A little chemistry now, it's too late baby, "ship has sailed" ok Nicole? Taken. I am taken

  Self - Guest : I am never coming back

  Self - Host : [Referring to the audience]  no come on, they're feeling it, this is fantastic

  Self - Guest : I'm teasing you

  Self - Host : And we love Keith

  Self - Guest : I love Keith

  Self - Host : I know you love Keith more than I do. I'm not saying I have a "thing" for Keith Urban. I'm saying I enjoy his music and I like his personality

  Self - Guest : Now we're fighting over Keith

  Self - Host : Only one of us here is in love with Keith

  Self - Guest : This a disaster

  Self - Host : No, it's not a disaster but his always been on the show and you've never been on the show, is this why?

  Self - Guest : Absolutely

  Self - Host : It's so odd

  Self - Guest : No, we would watch you at home and I'd be like "gosh will I ever be on the show and bring that story up?"Maybe not"

  Self - Host : And now you did

• Self - Guest : [Referring to the new movie she's promoting]  Anyway let's talk about Paddington

  Self - Host : This is the best day ever. Let's talk about Paddington, it's already a big hit: internationally right?

  Self - Guest : Yes

  Self - Host : Overseas, they released it overseas first

  Self - Guest : Yeah

  Self - Host : [Again recalling their first encounter]  I remember I got Brie cheese

  Self - Guest : And corn chips

  Self - Host : Did I get corn chips?

  Self - Guest : And some old Chinese food

  Self - Host : [after laughing]  how could I buy old Chinese food?

  Self - Guest : It was in the fridge

  Self - Host : [Putting his face in his hands in shame]  I remember I got old saltine crackers and it was really awful

  Self - Guest : And what sport do you really like? Baseball? Or something

  Self - Host : What hat was I wearing?

  Self - Guest : You were wearing some baseball hat and some sweats

  Self - Host : I was not wearing sweat pants, what'd you talking about? It's like you went over the guy from Duck Dynasty's house or something like that. I was not wearing Camo sweat pants. I was dressed probably in a three piece suit or something

  Self - Guest : You weren't interested so you wore sweats and a baseball cap

  Self - Host : That's not true. I don't even know what you're talking about, now I'm freaking out. I'm going to go back to Paddington and we're going to edit this out

  Self - Guest : Yeah. The bear, the little adorable bear

  Self - Host : It's a cute bear, it's a cute movie, and you play the villain in the movie

  Self - Guest : Yep