Community (TV Series)
Modern Espionage (2015)
Jim Rash: Dean Pelton
Photos
Quotes
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Dean Pelton : [to Lapari] Did you do stand up? Is that how you became a custodian? Listen, man, I was there in the 90s. I did a few open mic nights. I saw what karaoke did. It wasn't cool, man.
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Dean Pelton : Greendale's custodial staff is running the underground paintball tournament probably with City College money. The people that clean Greendale don't want a cleaner Greendale, they want Greendale to be afraid of itself and reliant on them.
Custodian Lapari : Oh, what an exciting story. We're got a real life M Night Shamalyan here.
Abed Nadir : [Off camera] It's Shyamalan.
Custodian Lapari : Unfortunately, as with his stories I don't anticipate yours holding up.
Abed Nadir : [Off camera] Easy target.
Custodian Lapari : Who's heckling me?
[Abed raises his hand]
Custodian Lapari : Oh, of course, it's the Indian guy.
Abed Nadir : I'm Arabic.
Custodian Lapari : Ow, okay, let's go with that.
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Jeff Winger : All right, so we lay low, and we try to find out who Silverballs is.
Annie Edison : But we're not... To be clear, we did not vote on that name.
Dean Pelton : Here's a name you don't have to vote on. You just became the Secret Dean Force. The Dean Boys. Task Force Dean. His Dean's Secret People. I know the word "Dean" is in it.
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Dean Pelton : He's right, Jeffrey. A cleaner Greendale? That's like a healthier cigarette!
Jeff Winger : Yes, a carrot stick. Frankie can make us a carrot stick.
Dean Pelton : We're tobacco.
Jeff Winger : No, we are not tobacco. We are Robert Downey Jr. He was so high he was crawling into people's windows. Now he's Iron Man. We self-destruct like this because we'd rather be heroes and villains than just kind of sucky people that need to work a lot at getting less sucky. She will forgive us. I know her, I like her, and if she fires either of you, I'll quit. She's not the enemy, she can help us. We just have to cool it.