The Matchbreaker (2016)
Osric Chau: Sam
Photos
Quotes
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Sam : So, she's a little messy. You're a perfect match. You don't pay the electric bills, you'll never see the mess.
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[First lines]
Sam : Why'd you breakup with her?
Ethan Cooper : Seven reasons actually. Number one, she doesn't vote.
Sam : Eh!
Ethan Cooper : Shh! Number two, she cheered for Bulgaria in the last Olympics.
Sam : Bulgarians don't even cheer for Bulgaria.
Ethan Cooper : Okay, so it was one Bulgarian and he was missing an arm.
Sam : The rest of the time she cheered for America?
Ethan Cooper : Yes.
Sam : Okay, that one's a stretch too. Look, why don't you just forget your seven reasons and admit that you only need one to talk yourself out of any girl.
Ethan Cooper : What's that?
Sam : That she's not Emily.
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Sam : You know, as someone who hasn't been in a relationship for a while, I think you have to move past the weird thing. Was she breathing?
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Ethan Cooper : [to Sam] Aw, come on, man. The laundry basket is less than ten feet away.
[to the dog by pointing at the socks]
Ethan Cooper : Beast!
Sam : You taught him how to do laundry?
Ethan Cooper : Apparently not.
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Sam : [throwing water on Ethan's face] Those were MY boxers.
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Ethan Cooper : I was in awe of her, never dreaming that on June 4th, 2004, at 3:26 PM, she would take my heart, throw it in a backpack, toss it in a van, and drive away with it.
Sam : You poor thing.
Ethan Cooper : I was devastated.
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Sam : You're the expert. There's got to be a chip in that high gloss, heavy duty, premium quality paint.
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Sam : Come on, Ethan. Pay the woman what she's worth.
Ethan Cooper : Why do you even care?
Sam : I've always been a champion for the under-employed.
Ethan Cooper : You once tipped a pizza delivery guy in sunflower seeds.