The Matchbreaker (2016)
Wesley Elder: Ethan
Photos
Quotes
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Ethan Cooper : [describing his job] I take dysfunctional systems and I disassemble them for diagnosis.
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Veronica : Jump in after me, Ethan!
Ethan Cooper : Really?
Veronica : Prove to me your love!
Ethan Cooper : Eh... I would normally, but... it's cold.
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[First lines]
Sam : Why'd you breakup with her?
Ethan Cooper : Seven reasons actually. Number one, she doesn't vote.
Sam : Eh!
Ethan Cooper : Shh! Number two, she cheered for Bulgaria in the last Olympics.
Sam : Bulgarians don't even cheer for Bulgaria.
Ethan Cooper : Okay, so it was one Bulgarian and he was missing an arm.
Sam : The rest of the time she cheered for America?
Ethan Cooper : Yes.
Sam : Okay, that one's a stretch too. Look, why don't you just forget your seven reasons and admit that you only need one to talk yourself out of any girl.
Ethan Cooper : What's that?
Sam : That she's not Emily.
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Ethan Cooper : [to Sam] Aw, come on, man. The laundry basket is less than ten feet away.
[to the dog by pointing at the socks]
Ethan Cooper : Beast!
Sam : You taught him how to do laundry?
Ethan Cooper : Apparently not.
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[Last lines]
Ethan Cooper : It's time to top off the night with some Team Jacob.
Emily Atkins : Edward. Team Edward.
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Ethan Cooper : Once you've been in the presence of perfection, it's hard to settle for anything less.
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Ethan Cooper : I'm seriously considering renouncing my devotion to polka.
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Ethan Cooper : I was in awe of her, never dreaming that on June 4th, 2004, at 3:26 PM, she would take my heart, throw it in a backpack, toss it in a van, and drive away with it.
Sam : You poor thing.
Ethan Cooper : I was devastated.
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Ethan Cooper : Have I ever steered you wrong before?
Lexy Cooper : Pet coyote incident of 2003 comes to mind.
Ethan Cooper : Fond memories.
Lexy Cooper : Yeah, rabies shots are memorable.
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Mrs. Taylor : In fact, they told me that you've saved Lexy from a few disasters.
Ethan Cooper : She listens to me.
Mrs. Taylor : Why?
Ethan Cooper : She trusts me, and I'm just good at spotting incompatibilities. Why the twenty questions?
Mrs. Taylor : [whispering] Could you do that for me?
Ethan Cooper : Excuse me?
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Mitchell : [alarmed] My iguana does not like you touching his sweater vest.
Ethan Cooper : My bad.
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Ethan Cooper : Some guy is gonna want to eat that kiss right off your face.
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Sam : Come on, Ethan. Pay the woman what she's worth.
Ethan Cooper : Why do you even care?
Sam : I've always been a champion for the under-employed.
Ethan Cooper : You once tipped a pizza delivery guy in sunflower seeds.