- When a new bar opens in the area, it's the final piece of the puzzle for Nick's epic Valentine's Day pub crawl. Jess and Ryan ponder their future.
- The gang go out on a bar crawl for Valentines to help nick with his breakup. Winston is the only one who is truly supportive and CeCe tries to out drink Nick. Ryan asks Jess an important question to which she pretends not to hear then finally accepts. Coach meets a woman several times before deciding to go after her. Ryan is offered a job back in England and Jess decides to make it work. The gang finish the bar crawl.—elli-wolsty
- Jess returns from a week with Ryan's family with a smug attitude and fake accent. The teachers have decided their couple name is "Jyan." Ryan is going to look for a new job. "I hear Elijah Wood is looking for a stunt double," Winston says.
For Valentine's Day, Schmidt is going to a cardiologist fundraiser with his politician sugar mama. Jess realizes no one has seen Nick in a week because Schmidt was sleeping in her room.
Nick emerges, covered in gravy. He announces a new bar is the exact thing he needed to complete a bar crawl, that he assures them has nothing to do with breaking up with Kai. Despite the fact Winston is on call and Jess and Ryan have dinner reservations, Nick announces attendance is mandatory.
At the first bar, Schmidt is MIA, at the fundraiser with Fawn. Cece announces her intent to out-drink Nick.
Jess tells Ryan they're still going to dinner and have to pretend to drink in front of Nick. Ryan hasn't been able to find any schools that are hiring and worries if he gets a new job she won't see Jess as much, so he suggests she just move in with him. Jess pretends she didn't hear him.
Coach crashes and burns with a cheesy Valentine's Day pick-up line on a girl at the bar named May and Nick announces it's time for the next stop.
At the fundraiser, Fawn bails on the bar crawl but Schmidt says she owes him after he crumped at the anti-gang initiative. He tells her to call him when she decides if she wants a boyfriend or a photo op (this, after she reminded him of a photo op tomorrow and reminded him to "look as Mexican as possible.")
At the next bar, a drunk sad man announces he was just dumped and needs a pick me up, so Nick invites him to join the crawl. Coach tries his lame Valentine's card pick-up on a girl at the bar but discovers it's May again.
Jess hides from Ryan in the bathroom with Cece. Even the woman in the stall thinks Jess should move in with him, but Jess wonders if she blew it by pretending not to hear him.
At the bar, Ryan tells Winston and Nick what happened. Nick thinks Jess has a lot of hair that might have prevented her from hearing, like when they were dating and he asked her if she'd had a chance to read his "Walking Dead" fan fiction.
Nick tells Ryan to drink through his pain, then badgers him when Ryan says they were going to pretend drink.
Schmidt joins the bar and finds Cece with another drink. She's had "nine plus three minus one" drinks and wants chicken wings.
Nick introduces Schmidt to the crawlers -- all the single people who have joined up because "the crawl is for all."
Jess finds Ryan drinking a flaming bowl and wants to talk to him about what he said before, but now Ryan can't remember.
At the next bar, Winston and Nick karaoke "My Girl" as "My Crawl." Coach runs into May at the bar. "Do you have any nicer, sluttier friends?" he asks.
"Yea I do, and I'm never introducing them to you, and they're real dirty," she says. When she gets carded, Coach sees her Kansas license. They realize they've lived on the same army bases just a few years apart all their lives and now they've run into each other three times in one night. Nick and Winston drag Coach up on stage.
Meanwhile, Schmidt sits with Cece a bathroom stall. She hates Valentine's Day, but he's liked it since three years ago. Cece realizes that was the first time they got together. He tells her that it was the best night of his life and counts on her not remembering a word he said.
Jess and Ryan sit down again and she agrees to move in with him.
The gang ends up back at Nick's bar. Coach is bummed because he only met one girl all night and she's relationship material and that's not what he's looking for. Winston slaps some sense into him.
When Cece sits down next to Winston in Schmidt's jacket and Winston notes the sparks flying between her and Schmidt. Cece stares at Schmidt dreamily across the bar and says she doesn't have feelings for him.
Then Fawn walks in carrying a box of chocolates. She did the whole crawl to find Schmidt. "I'm cold, I'm tired, I'm sober -- I'm wearing my strapless bra like a belt, but I know what I want. I want you to be my boyfriend," Fawn says.
Mike the bartender calls last call and Nick rallies the Crawlers onto the final stop.
Back at the loft, Jess and Ryan are making out when he gets a message from a contact at Wellington Prep in England -- they're offering him the job of head master.
He tells her it's his dream job but he loves her more, but she doesn't want to let him turn it down because of her. She thinks they can make long-distance work, it's only an 11 hour flight and then a four hour drive to Wellington.
They hear Nick shouting in the street below and see the Crawlers walking by like zombies. Coach sees May about to get in a cab and runs up to her.
"I'm sorry about earlier, I just really didn't plan on meeting somebody so great tonight. You messed everything up because you're, like, awesome, and that sucks. And you're pretty, which is a bummer. It's like, damn, she's fine but at the same time, I don't need this in my life," he says.
She clarifies that he's trying to say something nice and he asks for her number. She gives him her email and demands a real email with good grammar and no pictures, then kisses him good-bye on the cheek.
At the final bar, Nick pauses and gets upset that it's over. The gang cheers him up and he rallies to go into the final bar -- but the bouncer won't let him in because he's not wearing shoes. Nick thinks he threw them at a squirrel.
Winston reaches into the giant backpack he's been carrying all night and pulls out two six-packs. "You're like the black Mary Poppins!" Coach says.
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