The Vampire Diaries (TV Series)

Day One of Twenty-Two Thousand, Give or Take (2015)

Teressa Liane: Mary Louise

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lily Salvatore : Valerie, you're a mess. What happened?

  Valerie Tulle : Some awful teenagers plowed me down in their automobile.

  Nora Hildegard : [sarcastically]  Oh, dear. Is their automobile okay?

  [Mary Louise chuckles] 

  Valerie Tulle : The little monsters left me for dead. No apology. No call for help. I was roadkill. And what did I do? I acted like roadkill.

  [to Lily's dismay:] 

  Valerie Tulle : Because we're governed by a pacifist who'd rather see her children hurt than to stand up for themselves.

  [turns to leave in disgust] 

  Nora Hildegard : Valerie... don't cry. Okay, you're home now. You're with us.

  Mary Louise : Yeah. Who needs the rest of the world, right?

  [Lily is pleased to hear this] 

  Mary Louise : We have each other.

  Lily Salvatore : [to Valerie]  You resisted your urge to fight back. Means you're learning.

  [strokes Valerie's hair, shakes her head] 

  Lily Salvatore : I'm proud of you, Valerie.

  [but Valerie only has a look of utter contempt] 

• Valerie Tulle : [to the hit-and-run boy cleaning windshield]  Missed a spot.

  [smashes his face against the glass, blood splatters] 

  Teen Girl : Who are you?

  Mary Louise : Remember that large squirrel you ran over this morning? Turns out that was actually our friend, Valerie.

  Teen Girl : [to Valerie, who waves coldly at her]  But you looked dead.

  [shakes her head] 

  Valerie Tulle : [mouth grim]  I get that a lot.

  Mary Louise : [errant girl tries to run away, but is knocked down by spell chanted by Nora, she is bleeding after running into car door]  You're worse than your friend. You thought about doing the right thing, and then you just left her there.

  Valerie Tulle : [licks blood of the teen from her fingers, is ecstatic]  And yet, you're the first thing in this town that I don't entirely hate.

  [sinks her fangs into the hapless girl's neck, then realizes:] 

  Valerie Tulle : Lily will be furious!

  Nora Hildegard : Lily needs to learn that Heretics aren't designed to coexist.

  [hoists up the lifeless girl's body and poses for selfie with that dead face] 

  Valerie Tulle : Really? Be more vain.

  Nora Hildegard : Well, if you were pretty, you'd be, too.

  [drops the corpse, checks the picture on her cellphone] 

• Nora Hildegard : What a happy little town. I'll bet they have the most darling funerals.

  Mary Louise : [chuckles]  Nora, I swear, your heart must be made of pure arsenic.

  Nora Hildegard : Admit it, you love me more for it.

  Mary Louise : You know I do.

  [they hold hands] 

  Nora Hildegard : [self-conscious Mary Louise breaks free]  Mare! It's the 21st century. We can hold hands now.

  Valerie Tulle : [voice dripping with sarcasm]  Oh, my God. Is this your first date in public? That's adorable.

  Mary Louise : We should double sometimes. There's bound to be a man out there desperate enough to buy you dinner.

  Valerie Tulle : Can we focus on revenge, please?

• Mary Louise : [deleted scene] 

  [as Damon enters what used to belong to the Salvatore brothers, Mary Louise and Nora are playing cards] 

  Mary Louise : You can't just waltz in here.

  Damon Salvatore : You may have burrowed in like a bunch of mangy ground squirrels. But this house belongs to me.

  [takes bottle] 

  Damon Salvatore : Same goes for my bourbon.

  Lily Salvatore : I see you've met the girls. Nora and Mary Louise, this is Damon.

  Damon Salvatore : [grunts]  Huh.

  Lily Salvatore : Why don't you two finish settling in?

  [the two of them walk off sullenly] 

  Damon Salvatore : [to Lily, in effeminate way]  Go on. Pat yourself on the head for raising Stefan to be such a mama's boy.

  [normal voice:] 

  Damon Salvatore : For the record, I'm not okay with your demented Brady Bunch squatting in my house.

  Lily Salvatore : I gave you ample opportunity to help us along the way, but... you responded with... apathy, deceit and hatred.

  Damon Salvatore : [grunts]  Oh.