- Caroline Forbes: One day, you're helping Lily, the next you're here being nice. Just pick a side, Enzo... Us or them.
- Enzo: Oh, God. You sound just like her.
- Caroline Forbes: That's because she doesn't trust you, and honestly, neither do I.
- Valerie Tulle: [voice-over] Dear Diary, I am in Hell. It's hard to imagine a place far worse than where I come from, but by some spectacular miracle I found it. In the weeks since I arrived here in Mystic Falls three things are clear: the food is literally made of poison, the air smells like the plague, and everyone wants to know what everyone else is doing. I don't fit in here, nor do I want to. This is not the world I imagined.
- Damon Salvatore: [helped himself to drink drunk Alaric left behind] Oh... I've had some janky-assed bourbon, but this is...
- Bonnie Bennett: [takes sip] It isn't bourbon. It's tea.
- Caroline Forbes: [going to deliver a bomb to the vampire witches] Is there any version of this plan where you're not worried about me?
- Stefan Salvatore: Probably not.
- Stefan Salvatore: What you writing?
- Caroline Forbes: Stefan! What are you doing here?
- Stefan Salvatore: Matt reported some blood bags missing from the hospital, so I thought I'd check it out.
- Caroline Forbes: Do you think it's your Mom?
- Stefan Salvatore: If it's not, then she has quite literally dropped off the face of the earth. I am still deciding if that's... a good thing or bad thing.
- Caroline Forbes: [chuckles] So... how's Damon?
- Stefan Salvatore: Well, if the last time he sat around waiting decades for a girl taught us anything, then I am worried.
- Caroline Forbes: [chuckles] Well, if you're worried... I'm terrified.
- [she nods, there is an uncomfortable silence]
- Stefan Salvatore: [sits down next to her on bench] I made this a thing, didn't I?
- Caroline Forbes: You made what a thing?
- Stefan Salvatore: When I told you how I felt about you, and now it's... it's weird.
- Caroline Forbes: No. It's not weird, Stefan.
- Stefan Salvatore: You just asked about my brother, who you hate, to fill awkward silence.
- Caroline Forbes: Okay, I don't hate Damon, I'm just...
- [falters, and Stefan nods]
- Caroline Forbes: Obviously, you know... scrambling to fill the awkward silence.
- Stefan Salvatore: Right.
- Caroline Forbes: Okay, it's a thing. You made it a thing. Congratulations.
- Stefan Salvatore: How about this new rule? You live your life, you heal, and in the meantime, we're friends.
- Caroline Forbes: I like that rule.
- Stefan Salvatore: Good.
- Caroline Forbes: Okay
- [smiles]
- Stefan Salvatore: [gets up] Happy writing.
- [leaves]
- Caroline Forbes: Thanks.
- [continues narrating what she is writing in her diary:]
- Caroline Forbes: As I was saying, things are great.
- Lily Salvatore: Valerie, you're a mess. What happened?
- Valerie Tulle: Some awful teenagers plowed me down in their automobile.
- Nora Hildegard: [sarcastically] Oh, dear. Is their automobile okay?
- [Mary Louise chuckles]
- Valerie Tulle: The little monsters left me for dead. No apology. No call for help. I was roadkill. And what did I do? I acted like roadkill.
- [to Lily's dismay:]
- Valerie Tulle: Because we're governed by a pacifist who'd rather see her children hurt than to stand up for themselves.
- [turns to leave in disgust]
- Nora Hildegard: Valerie... don't cry. Okay, you're home now. You're with us.
- Mary Louise: Yeah. Who needs the rest of the world, right?
- [Lily is pleased to hear this]
- Mary Louise: We have each other.
- Lily Salvatore: [to Valerie] You resisted your urge to fight back. Means you're learning.
- [strokes Valerie's hair, shakes her head]
- Lily Salvatore: I'm proud of you, Valerie.
- [but Valerie only has a look of utter contempt]
- Valerie Tulle: [to the hit-and-run boy cleaning windshield] Missed a spot.
- [smashes his face against the glass, blood splatters]
- Teen Girl: Who are you?
- Mary Louise: Remember that large squirrel you ran over this morning? Turns out that was actually our friend, Valerie.
- Teen Girl: [to Valerie, who waves coldly at her] But you looked dead.
- [shakes her head]
- Valerie Tulle: [mouth grim] I get that a lot.
- Mary Louise: [errant girl tries to run away, but is knocked down by spell chanted by Nora, she is bleeding after running into car door] You're worse than your friend. You thought about doing the right thing, and then you just left her there.
- Valerie Tulle: [licks blood of the teen from her fingers, is ecstatic] And yet, you're the first thing in this town that I don't entirely hate.
- [sinks her fangs into the hapless girl's neck, then realizes:]
- Valerie Tulle: Lily will be furious!
- Nora Hildegard: Lily needs to learn that Heretics aren't designed to coexist.
- [hoists up the lifeless girl's body and poses for selfie with that dead face]
- Valerie Tulle: Really? Be more vain.
- Nora Hildegard: Well, if you were pretty, you'd be, too.
- [drops the corpse, checks the picture on her cellphone]
- Nora Hildegard: What a happy little town. I'll bet they have the most darling funerals.
- Mary Louise: [chuckles] Nora, I swear, your heart must be made of pure arsenic.
- Nora Hildegard: Admit it, you love me more for it.
- Mary Louise: You know I do.
- [they hold hands]
- Nora Hildegard: [self-conscious Mary Louise breaks free] Mare! It's the 21st century. We can hold hands now.
- Valerie Tulle: [voice dripping with sarcasm] Oh, my God. Is this your first date in public? That's adorable.
- Mary Louise: We should double sometimes. There's bound to be a man out there desperate enough to buy you dinner.
- Valerie Tulle: Can we focus on revenge, please?
- Mary Louise: [deleted scene]
- [as Damon enters what used to belong to the Salvatore brothers, Mary Louise and Nora are playing cards]
- Mary Louise: You can't just waltz in here.
- Damon Salvatore: You may have burrowed in like a bunch of mangy ground squirrels. But this house belongs to me.
- [takes bottle]
- Damon Salvatore: Same goes for my bourbon.
- Lily Salvatore: I see you've met the girls. Nora and Mary Louise, this is Damon.
- Damon Salvatore: [grunts] Huh.
- Lily Salvatore: Why don't you two finish settling in?
- [the two of them walk off sullenly]
- Damon Salvatore: [to Lily, in effeminate way] Go on. Pat yourself on the head for raising Stefan to be such a mama's boy.
- [normal voice:]
- Damon Salvatore: For the record, I'm not okay with your demented Brady Bunch squatting in my house.
- Lily Salvatore: I gave you ample opportunity to help us along the way, but... you responded with... apathy, deceit and hatred.
- Damon Salvatore: [grunts] Oh.