Scream Queens (TV Series)

Haunted House (2015)

Lea Michele: Hester Ulrich

Quotes 

• Chad Radwell : Alright, everybody, listen up! All of your lives are in danger! DO NOT go to the haunted house on Shady Lane! There are dead bodies!

  Hester Ulrich : Dead bodies!

  Chad Radwell : Real life dead bodies! Okay?

  Hester Ulrich : Lots!

  Girl : Did he say dead bodies?

  Dude : Dude, that sounds awesome!

  Other Dude : Come on, everybody! Lets go to the haunted house on Shady Lane!

• Hester Ulrich : I am so grateful that you guys are sharing your not-food lunch with me, but won't we, like, die if we eat cotton balls?

  Chanel #3 : Only if they cause a blockage in our intestinal tracks, but that's what the sauce is for.

  Chanel #5 : Lubrication. And it gives you that wonderfully full feeling without all of the calories.

• Hester Ulrich : Do you think you're man enough to take me inside that house and attack my crack?

• Hester Ulrich : I want everything Chanel has... and that includes you.

  Chad Radwell : Oh my God, I got a total chub right now.

• [Hester finds Chad opening his pants in the graveyard] 

  Chad Radwell : I was just, uh... I was, uh...

  Hester Ulrich : Say it!

  Chad Radwell : You know, sometimes uh, sometimes I come out here and I just run my hands on the gravestones. When I find a gravestone I like, I, uh... I get turned on and I, I rub one out to it.

  Hester Ulrich : I get it. I get you more than anyone. I also find the thought of dead bodies extremely arousing!

• Hester Ulrich : I just don't understand why I have all these dark feelings.

  Chad Radwell : You know, I just think our generation's had it too easy, you know? We haven't seen enough horrible stuff. There's no awful diseases randomly killing people, there's not really any awesome wars to go off to and witness horrific things you can't unsee. We're like pulled out of all of 'em. I don't know, sometimes I just don't even feel like I'm living, you know. I mean, the only time I feel anything is when I'm thinking about chopping up a body.

  Hester Ulrich : I feel the same way.