- Hester Ulrich: All killers have a cool costume: Jason with his hockey mask, Freddy Krueger's sweater and hat, Cujo's totally realistic dog costume.
- Chanel Oberlin: I think you're a serial killer *because* I know you, #5! You bite your own toenails!
- Chanel #5: Okay, I am flexible. Why would I waste my money buying toenail clippers when God already blessed me with toenail clippers in the form of teeth in my mouth?
- Hester Ulrich: Boone never actually enrolled in school. Since none of those frat guys ever went to class, it was easy to just show up there, say he was a student and blend right in.
- Denise Hemphill: You got the right to remain silent! And you got some other rights that come after that, and I don't know what they are cuz I don't remember what I'm supposed to say after "you got the right to remain silent."
- Hester Ulrich: Kind of ironic that our first victim was actually the Red Devil. But when you wanna make an omelet, right?
- Hester Ulrich: Obvi, I was the brains of the operation, Boone was the muscle, and Gigi was the weird and psycho beating black heart.
- Dean Cathy Munsch: Well, Hester, your high school transcripts are clearly faked, and I'm guessing you made up your SAT scores 'cause it's not possible to get one million percent on them. Now, that being said, we do have a new mandate here at Wallace University for special needs diversity, and seeing as we have no students with spinal deformities, I am going to take a chance on you.
- Hester Ulrich: You guys seem really nice. I've always said that being nice is a really good quality. It could save your life someday.
- Hester Ulrich: What I've noticed is that the more weird and gross you are, the less people wanna know about you. No one asks the kid with terrible acne what their favorite movie is or where they were born.
- Hester Ulrich: Even though I only ate asylum food and never really exercised, I was blessed with a super-tight bod. My butt could launch a thousand ships and my boobs were remarkably perky and even. Couple that with my BJ lips and I was gonna need something pretty spectacular to keep everyone from wanting to get all up in this.
- Chanel Oberlin: Wait a minute. Everybody shut up! I know what happened.
- [to #5:]
- Chanel Oberlin: You killed #2 and you confessed it to Roger and Dodger after a hard night of letting them Eiffel Tower you. And once you knew that they *both* knew, you realized that you'd have to kill them!
- Chanel #5: No.
- [smiles]
- Chanel #5: Oh, I see where this is going. You're trying to pin all of these murders on me so that I spend the rest of my life in prison.
- Chanel Oberlin: Oh, no, my friend.
- [shakes her head]
- Chanel Oberlin: You... are going to the electric chair!
- Chanel #5: [plaintively] Ohh...!