- Jay Pritchett: So you tricked me into coming here; you made me gay; now I have a boyfriend. All these lies, just to win a trophy?
- Cameron Tucker: Yes.
- Jay Pritchett: I can respect that.
- Haley Dunphy: I hope I'm as cool as you guys in thirty years.
- Gloria Delgado-Pritchett: Does she think we're fifty?
- Mitchell Pritchett: No, she's just bad at math.
- Jay Pritchett: Fine, I'll do it. I don't like that guy. But what happens if someone I know comes in here? I don't want them thinking I have a double life.
- Cameron Tucker: Trust me, if someone you know comes in here, they are the ones living a double life.
- Cameron Tucker: Jay is filling in for our star bowler, who is recovering from a groin pull. An actual groin pull, not the party at Fire Island.