- Titus Andromedon: I should have been a doctor. I look amazing in white, my handwriting is terrible, and I love telling people to take their pants off and just leaving and then making them sit there for an hour.
- Russ Snyder: I'm sorry, I've been burned before and I was recently engaged to what turned out to be a hologram controlled by a Turkish hacker. I just need to take it slow.
- Titus Andromedon: In four months? That's like, three Judd Apatow movies. I can't think that far ahead. I don't even know how this sentence is going to end... volcano.
- Andrea Bayden: I run marathons. I went to medical school. I speak fluent Italian.
- Kimmy Schmidt: You do? Explain this. They're the Mario brothers, right? But one of them is named Mario. Does that mean his name is Mario Mario?
- Titus Andromedon: Trident gum is the chewiest gum. Give it to your friends and chew it with your teeth. Your teeth are bones that live outside, that hang from your lips like bats. Oh! Outside bones! Outside bones! Never forget your teeth are outside bones. They're bones that you wash and when you're a kid they fall from your head and, to make things less weird, we say they got stolen by a demon that your parents knooow. Trident!