Bill Maher: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : New rule: the thirty-three year old Mexican woman who was arrested in a movie theater masturbating to "Fifty Shades of Grey" has to stop kicking my seat.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : It's... it's bad enough sitting through all these trailers without you coming soon.

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : Please, I'm watching a terrible movie from an illiterate book while people around talk and text on their phones. Don't make it disgusting.

• Himself - Host : New rule: since he's never going to be president, Ted Cruz has to enjoy this moment where he can act like he is. How do I know you're not going to be president, Ted? Because even your daughter is looking up at you like "Really?".

• Himself - Host : New rule: before Amy's Kitchen recalls all their gluten-free tofu breakfast wraps, because there may be listeria in the spinach, they have to tell us what listeria tastes like, because if it tastes good at all, I say leave it in.

• Himself - Host : New rule: now that the University of North Georgia has put out this "Why follow when you can lead" course guide that shows white men winning out over a woman and a black man...

  [laughter] 

  Himself - Host : ...they have to change their name to Cracker State.

  [laughter] 

  Herself - Guest : [laughing]  Oh, my god.

  Himself - Host : Cracker State, home of the Flying Mullets, where our Black Studies program *is* our basketball team.