Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV Series)

Johnny and Dora (2015)

Andy Samberg: Jake Peralta

Photos 

Quotes 

• Amy Santiago : NYPD, freeze! We are work colleagues!

  Jake Peralta : You're under arrest! This is a work event!

• Jake Peralta : Alright, look. The reason that I didn't want to work with you is... should I do this in an accent so that I can undercut some of the awkwardness that I'm feeling?

  Amy Santiago : No.

  Jake Peralta : Good call. Remember when you told me that you didn't want to date cops?

  [in Jamaican accent] 

  Jake Peralta : That really bummed me out, man!

• Charles Boyle : So how was the restaurant?

  Amy Santiago : SUCH A NORMAL TIME!

  Charles Boyle : Why are you being weird?

  Jake Peralta : Amy and I kissed.

  Charles Boyle : WHAT?

  Amy Santiago : To keep our cover from being blown, we didn't have a choice.

  Charles Boyle : Tell me everything!

  Jake Peralta : Charles, it was just a kiss, okay? It was for work, it was nothing.

  Rosa Diaz : Yeah, who cares about a kiss? Call me if you grab each other's asses.

• Jake Peralta : Okay, you and Rosa follow Augustine.

  Charles Boyle : Right. And you and Amy: follow your hearts.

  Jake Peralta : No! We're gonna stay with the package.

  Charles Boyle : And each other, forever.

• Jake Peralta : Oh, hey! We were just looking for a place to, uh...

  Amy Santiago : ...boink.

  Jake Peralta : Yep. Boink. That's my preferred term for it as well.

• Jake Peralta : Hey, can you sign this arrest report for Augustine and the buyer?

  Amy Santiago : Sure.

  Jake Peralta : Man, I forgot how long your signature takes. Just gonna watch Braveheart on my phone real' quick. Given the circumstances, I can see how that might've seemed like flirty teasing or something, but I was legit being critical; you have a problem. No, even that sounded like banter now. Alright, there's only one way out of this for me. I just gotta get super cruel. Prepare to have your physical flaws pointed out, Amy. Talking about your tall butt and your weird elbows.

• Jake Peralta : I know Amy has a ton of work, so...

  Amy Santiago : No, I don't.

  Jake Peralta : Really? I could've sworn I overheard you telling Rosa: "Girlfriend, please. I got hella open cases."

  Amy Santiago : That's something you think I said?

  Jake Peralta : Word for word. No diggity, no doubt.

• Jake Peralta : Let's go.

  Amy Santiago : No, wait. We look like cops. We're never gonna blend in dressed like this. Okay, there. How's that?

  Jake Peralta : Uh, I don't know. All I see is clothes hanging off of a genderless blob.

• Alice - Hostess : You are just so sweet together. You know, I'm sure I can find room for two young lovers.

  Jake Peralta : Yeah, we are lovers. Together. In beds.

  Amy Santiago : Okay.

• Jake Peralta : I'm basically handling it the way I dealt with my dad leaving. Just repressing the hell out of it.

• Amy Santiago : Did I do something to you? Are you mad? Is this because I brushed all the crumbs off your desk?

  Jake Peralta : What? No, I don't care about that. Do you know where they are?