- Amy Santiago: NYPD, freeze! We are work colleagues!
- Jake Peralta: You're under arrest! This is a work event!
- Captain Ray Holt: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
- Deputy Chief Madeline Wuntch: Calling me the devil? How original, Raymond.
- Captain Ray Holt: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.
- Jake Peralta: Alright, look. The reason that I didn't want to work with you is... should I do this in an accent so that I can undercut some of the awkwardness that I'm feeling?
- Amy Santiago: No.
- Jake Peralta: Good call. Remember when you told me that you didn't want to date cops?
- [in Jamaican accent]
- Jake Peralta: That really bummed me out, man!
- Charles Boyle: So how was the restaurant?
- Amy Santiago: SUCH A NORMAL TIME!
- Charles Boyle: Why are you being weird?
- Jake Peralta: Amy and I kissed.
- Charles Boyle: WHAT?
- Amy Santiago: To keep our cover from being blown, we didn't have a choice.
- Charles Boyle: Tell me everything!
- Jake Peralta: Charles, it was just a kiss, okay? It was for work, it was nothing.
- Rosa Diaz: Yeah, who cares about a kiss? Call me if you grab each other's asses.
- Jake Peralta: Okay, you and Rosa follow Augustine.
- Charles Boyle: Right. And you and Amy: follow your hearts.
- Jake Peralta: No! We're gonna stay with the package.
- Charles Boyle: And each other, forever.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, hey! We were just looking for a place to, uh...
- Amy Santiago: ...boink.
- Jake Peralta: Yep. Boink. That's my preferred term for it as well.
- Gina Linetti: I'll distract the file clerk. Apparently, he's really into birdwatching, so talking to a woman should blow his mind. And talking to this woman... it could kill him.
- Jake Peralta: Hey, can you sign this arrest report for Augustine and the buyer?
- Amy Santiago: Sure.
- Jake Peralta: Man, I forgot how long your signature takes. Just gonna watch Braveheart on my phone real' quick. Given the circumstances, I can see how that might've seemed like flirty teasing or something, but I was legit being critical; you have a problem. No, even that sounded like banter now. Alright, there's only one way out of this for me. I just gotta get super cruel. Prepare to have your physical flaws pointed out, Amy. Talking about your tall butt and your weird elbows.
- Jake Peralta: I know Amy has a ton of work, so...
- Amy Santiago: No, I don't.
- Jake Peralta: Really? I could've sworn I overheard you telling Rosa: "Girlfriend, please. I got hella open cases."
- Amy Santiago: That's something you think I said?
- Jake Peralta: Word for word. No diggity, no doubt.
- Charles Boyle: I need your help moving this old miss Pacman machine I just bought.
- Rosa Diaz: Why are you so obsessed with that game?
- Charles Boyle: Because it's the sexiest video game ever. She's insatiable, Rosa. Insatiable. Insatiab...
- Rosa Diaz: Stop saying "insatiable".
- Jake Peralta: Let's go.
- Amy Santiago: No, wait. We look like cops. We're never gonna blend in dressed like this. Okay, there. How's that?
- Jake Peralta: Uh, I don't know. All I see is clothes hanging off of a genderless blob.
- Alice - Hostess: You are just so sweet together. You know, I'm sure I can find room for two young lovers.
- Jake Peralta: Yeah, we are lovers. Together. In beds.
- Amy Santiago: Okay.
- Rosa Diaz: Enough. I'm going to the dumb party but only because I don't want to hurt Marcus, I'm still super mad at you.
- Charles Boyle: Like how you're super mad at Gilmore Girls for how the finale went down?
- Rosa Diaz: I just wanna see Lorelai happy. And shut up!
- Jake Peralta: I'm basically handling it the way I dealt with my dad leaving. Just repressing the hell out of it.
- Amy Santiago: Did I do something to you? Are you mad? Is this because I brushed all the crumbs off your desk?
- Jake Peralta: What? No, I don't care about that. Do you know where they are?
- Charles Boyle: We're friends. I was building up to call you "Ro-Ro" one of these days.
- Rosa Diaz: That will never happen. In fact, you just lost "Rosa" privileges. From now on, you can call me "Diaz" or "hey you".
- Charles Boyle: Come on, Rosa. Come on, hey you.