Fifty Shades of Black (2016)

Kali Hawk: Hannah Steale

Photos 

Quotes 

• Christian Black : And now the real torture begins.

  [Hannah screams, Christian chuckles] 

  Christian Black : Where were we?

  [Hannah screams again as Christian deviously chuckles] 

  Hannah Steele : [as she cries]  I can't remember the safe word.

  Christian Black : Chapter 23...

  [Hannah screams again as Christian pulls "Fifty Shades of Grey" in hardcover up] 

  Christian Black : "It was a cold, gloomy day in Seattle..."

  [puts the book down in revulsion] 

  Christian Black : Oh, God, this book is 50 shades of fucking terrible. Who wrote this, a third grader?

  Hannah Steele : [screaming]  Please go back to the water torture thing!

• Hannah Steele : You want me to be somebody that I am not.

  Christian Black : No, no. It's not me that's changing you, it's you that's changing me!

  Hannah Steele : Wait a minute... that's a line from the movie Radio.

  Christian Black : No it's not.

  Hannah Steele : Yeah, yeah. The movie with Cuba Gooding Jr. where he played this mentally disabled athlete. "It's not us that's teaching Radio, it's Radio that's teaching us"!

  Christian Black : Nah, my- mine is way different.

  Hannah Steele : It's the same premise.

  Christian Black : You complete me?

  Hannah Steele : Jerry Maguire, also starring Cuba Gooding Jr. I don't understand your whole fixation on him.

  Christian Black : You know, all this time I thought I wasn't in the right place, but I was!

  Hannah Steele : That's Snowdogs.

  Christian Black : Goddammit! I gotta stop binging on Netflix.

• Christian Black : I got my money the way most black entrepreneurs got theirs.

  Hannah Steele : Real estate?

  Christian Black : Drug dealing.

• Hannah Steele : Um, are you stalking me, Mr. Black?

  Christian Black : Hahaha! Yes.

• Hannah Steele : [after Christian buys cable ties and tape]  If I didn't know better, I might mistake you for a serial killer.

  Christian Black : Haha, don't be ridiculous. If I was a serial killer I'd need rope, ax, lye, ammonia, chloropill, wood chipper, plastic sheets, and three large boxes of space pampers! And a shovel. On second thought, I think I need to pick up a few more items.

• Hannah Steele : I hate you the way black people hate cops.

  Christian Black : Wow.

  Hannah Steele : I hate you the way Republicans hate Obamacare.

  Christian Black : Baby, come on now.

  Hannah Steele : I hate you the way Kanye West hates everybody else.

  Christian Black : Well, I'm kind of with him on Taylor Swift.