Mother's Day (I) (2016)

Aasif Mandvi: Russell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Russell : Look, you told me that your parents were mentally incapacitated.

  Jesse : Trust me, they are.

  Russell : Oh?

  Jesse : They are, and besides, it was our first date. Okay, who doesn't lie on their first date?

  Russell : Oh, really? Well, what about our second date and 50th date and what about the, um... Hey! Oh! The time that we had a child together? Do you realize that you lied to me about your parents?

  Jesse : I lie to everybody about my parents.

  Russell : Oh, that's reassuring.

  Jesse : I lie about my horrible life in that trailer park. I was a freshman in high school, saving every dime that I had so that I could just get out of there. No graduation, cap, gown, on a bus.

  Russell : Good, I get it, you hate your parents.

  Jesse : No, I don't hate them. They're my parents, so I love them, but... Honey, it's not... It's just that they're wrong about so much and they're wrong about how they treat people, they're wrong about how they honor people's differences...

  Russell : You know what's the worst part, is that you lied to them about me. Why? Because it's so terrible to be married to a towel-head! How embarrassing for you. Yeah, they should have called me Dr. Towel-Head.

• Russell : And besides, scaring me to get me in here is not a good way to start a conversation, okay?