- [first lines]
- Cinema Snob: Wait. What the hell am I spotlighting this movie for? This movie came out way past 1995. Don't worry. There's a perfectly logical explanation as to why I'm spotlighting "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas". It's because between movies like "Saving Christmas", "God's Not Dead", and "War Room", we are now living in a golden age of a different kind of exploitation film. One that thoroughly needs to be explored more than just two people talking about it in a car and two more people talking about it in a car and two more people. Wow, uh, a lot of people have talked about "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas"... Eh. It's my show. I can talk about whatever the hell I want.
- Cinema Snob: What the fuck, did he just say "straight power"? Anyone who ever uses the term "straight power" is most certainly not straight. You might as well just walk in and say "Hello, I'm Kirk Cameron!"
- Cinema Snob: So he's Billy Bob Thornton as Bad Santa? Fantastic, Kirk ain't gonna shit right for a week.