- Andy Flynn: [Mrs Melman is lying on a table receiving butt implants] Ma'am, we're calling paramedics to take you to a hospital.
- Mrs. Melman: What? I'm half an hour from having the ass of my dreams! Go away!
- Louie Provenza: Lady! This guy is not a doctor.
- Mrs. Melman: You think I don't know that? I'm lying flat on my face in some immigrant's garage.
- Joseph Yu: I no understand. What is probrem?
- Mike Tao: You're practicing medicine without a license, and I find your accent REALLY offensive.
- Andy Flynn: Especially given that you were born in Fullerton, and that you grew up in Glendale.
- Joseph Yu: [Long pause] Oh, well, what can I tell you? It's good for business.
- Louie Provenza: You don't understand. Heath... Heather has left the building! I... She's out of the business! She... Uh...
- [Grunts]
- Julio Sanchez: Sir, the open house sign-in book.
- Andy Flynn: Yes. I was the last one to sign in. So what does that mean?
- Julio Sanchez: Well, you might be the last person to have seen our victim alive, sir.
- Andy Flynn: No, the killer was the last person to see the victim alive. Oh! And wouldn't you know, the murderer didn't sign in.
- Jason: No. Ever since your friend told the world that this place was the Monkey's Paw of local listings, even the Jehovah's Witnesses wouldn't knock on this door. It's yours for the taking.
- Andy Flynn: How do you like that? For the first time in my life, Provenza has brought me a little good luck.
- Jason: There is just this... this one thing I'm obligated to disclose. Um...
- [Clears throat]
- Jason: With all the furnishings going in and out, we noticed that there were several surfaces here hiding... Well, I guess there's no other way to say it. Um...
- [Clears throat]
- Jason: Black mold.
- Andy Flynn: What?
- Jason: I'm hope that's not...
- Andy Flynn: Toxic mold? Are you kidding me?
- Sharon Raydor: Black mold?
- Jason: But... but... but while I admit that the words "toxic mold" sound bad...
- Andy Flynn: Oh, you think?
- Andy Flynn: And besides, Heather said I should buy now before the interest rates go up again.
- Louie Provenza: Heather? Who the hell is Heather?
- Buzz Watson: Come Home with Heather?
- Louie Provenza: More like Shack Up with Heather to me.
- Andy Flynn: Yeah, well, she's a local real estate expert.
- Louie Provenza: Yeah. Looks like she's been in countless homes.
- Julio Sanchez: Suing her landlord, former co-workers, plastic surgeons, and four separate civil actions related to her butt. Uh... Implants, ma'am.
- Andy Flynn: Those were implants? I mean, I wondered why they looked...... so artificial.
- Mike Tao: Are her butt implants giving her more buoyancy?
- Andy Flynn: It's funny. You would have thought her breasts would have kept her afloat.
- [Video continues indistinctly]
- Andy Flynn: Uh, because, well, implants are firmer... I've heard. I mean, well, they're supposed to be firmer. I mean, but who knows? I mean...
- Sharon Raydor: Indeed, who knows?