- [first lines]
- Jean-Claude Van Damme: My name is Jean-Clade Van Damme. I used to be super famous. Perhaps you remember my first starring role in Bloodsport. It is on television all of the time. Or maybe you've seen Timecop, which is like Looper starring Bruce Willis, but like a million times better.
- Andrei: [workers begin to charge at JCVD] No, no, no! One at a time or you run into each other. Could get confusing.
- Jane: Johnson has been retired for two years. That's an eternity in this line of work.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme: I stay active. I play frisbee golf.
- Leggy Model: JC, I used your shower and now I'm all sticky.
- Jean-Claude Van Damme: It's coconut water.
- Leggy Model: Your shower... uses coconut water?
- Jean-Claude Van Damme: All of the plumbing uses coconut water.