Nostalgia Critic (TV Series)

Spy Kids 3D: Game Over (2016)

Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nostalgia Critic : [the movie is credited as "A Robert Rodriguez Digital File"]  He doesn't even call it a movie! He probably just Dropboxed it to someone and was like, "Yeah, I made this in my garage. Call it whatever you want. It's debatable whether or not it's actually a film." Personally, I'm hoping this'll start a new fad in credit identification.

  [various other movie title cards pop up: "A George Lucas Render", "A Robert Zemeckis mp4", and "A Raja Gosnell 404 Error"] 

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Sylvester Stallone's character - one of several characters, really]  He plays the Toymaker, a man who's been banished to cyberspace, but disguised himself to release a VR game known as Game Over, which is kind of like marketing a board game called You Lost.

• Nostalgia Critic : So they swim into the lava and make their way into Mount Doom. There they run into Frodo Baggins, who will vanquish the evil...

  [he notices that Elijah Wood is "The Guy"] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Holy shit, I was just kidding!

• [in the movie, the robot with Valentin and the Toymaker in it breaks apart, yet they somehow emerge with barely a scratch] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Umm... No. Just no. 101 Dalmatians of no. Yeah, let's see. Ricardo's right here, and Stallone's here... There's no way. Dead instantly. Their bones would be dice in a Yahtzee cup; you wouldn't even recognize their remains.

• Nostalgia Critic : Time to rip in to one of the most awesome, hands-on, coolest directors yet again... Why do you make me do this to you?... Robert Rodriguez. Known for making tons of impressive films on a very small budget, doing a lot of the work himself, his focus was to have the creativity of the production disguise how unbelievably cheap it usually was. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. And sometimes, it did both. This is the case with the Spy Kids trilogy, plus one.

• Nostalgia Critic : The movie begins telling us to put our glasses on.

  [a message reads "Glasses On", followed by a shot of the film is shown, with 3D effects without the glasses on] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Yes, thank you, because if we saw this throughout the majority of the film, we would be helpless to figure out how to stop it.

  [Floop, Alan Cumming's character, announces that the presentation is in 3D] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Alan Cumming is kind enough to interrupt his nut gouging of your childhood tour by letting you know that you only put on your glasses when the characters in the movie put them on, which they wear, not surprisingly, 90% of the movie. So why don't they just make the whole goddamn thing in 3D? What, did you want to give the people a little arm exercise? This is entirely pointless. Maybe the strategy was to have the people say, "Huh, the characters seem flat and not at all three dimensional."

  [dons a pair of 3D glasses] 

  Nostalgia Critic : "Wow! Now the characters seem flat and not at all three dimensional in 3D!"

• Nostalgia Critic : Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic...

  [suddenly, a crazed-sounding man in a colorful outfit and wild hair comes in and runs around] 

  Distracting : I'm 3D! I'm 3D! I'm 3D!

  Nostalgia Critic : What the hell was that?

  [a sober-looking man comes in, wearing a suit and glasses and smoking a pipe] 

  Dignified : You must excuse him. He's always this way.

  Nostalgia Critic : Who the flying Ritalin are you?

  Dignified : We are the 3D Brothers.

  [points out the crazed man] 

  Dignified : He's Distracting, I'm Dignified. You may have noticed my work from films like "Hugo" or "How To Train Your Dragon".

  Nostalgia Critic : Wait, if you're the 3D Brothers, where's the third one?

  Dignified : Oh, he's over there.

  [he gestures toward an emo teen sitting in the corner, looking sullen] 

  Dignified : You might recognize him from movies like "Clash of the Titans" or "Last Airbender". We call him Doesn't Count.

  Distracting : Hey, Doesn't Count, show him YOUR effects!

  Doesn't Count : Oh, um...

  [holds up his hand in front of his face] 

  Doesn't Count : Ooh, my hand is slightly in front of my face. What does it matter? I'm not even supposed to be here.

  Dignified : Oh, now, that's not true.

  Doesn't Count : Yes, it is! Mom thought I'd make things better, but all I do was draw attention to how broken everything really is.

  Distracting : [laughs]  He's always getting involved where he doesn't belong!

• Nostalgia Critic : [about Distracting]  Okay, what has that asshole been in?

  Dignified : Oh, the usual three movies tripe.

  Nostalgia Critic : Three movies?

  Dignified : Yes: "Jaws 3", "Friday the 13th 3", and...

  Nostalgia Critic : Don't say it!

  Dignified : "Spy Kids 3".

  Nostalgia Critic : NOOOOO! I don't wanna do "Friday the 13th Part 3"!

  Distracting : You're doing "Spy Kids 3D"!

  Nostalgia Critic : EVEN WOOOOOORSE!

• Nostalgia Critic : The first film was so enjoyably bizarre but visually funny, that it was easy to overlook some of the more awkward moments. The sequel was when it started to wear off, combining genuinely funny moments with...

  Gerti Giggles : [in the second movie]  Camel poop!

  Nostalgia Critic : But just when you thought there couldn't be more...

  Gerti Giggles : Camel poop!

  Nostalgia Critic : ...he made "Spy Kids 3D: Game Over". To its credit, this is one of the movies that brought 3D back to the limelight as a profitable idea. The only problem is, it's used as a more exploitative gimmick than God is to Pure Flix.

• Nostalgia Critic : It opens with the Boy Spy Kid... Yeah, I'm sure he has a name, but who are you kidding? We all just call him the Boy Spy Kid... having left his agency and turned into a gumshoe...

  [as he speaks, he realizes the inevitable pun as Juni walks toward a wad of gum on the ground] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Don't do it!

  [Juni does indeed get the gum on his shoe] 

  Nostalgia Critic : You son of a bitch!

• [Gerti Giggles is seen flying, her hair bands spinning like propellers] 

  Nostalgia Critic : Oh, God! Inspector Gadget finally assimilated his niece!

• Nostalgia Critic : [in the movie, Juni dons his 3D glasses]  Oh, look! He put his glasses on! Well, that means you better put your glasses on! Oh, wait, this Blu-Ray doesn't come with any? Well, just enjoy this thorough slapping of your eyes for an hour and a half!

• [in the film, Juni gets sucked into the video game world and winds up in a computer-generated city] 

  Nostalgia Critic : He ends up in Hieronymus Bosch's Toontown, where, I swear, he tries to excuse the lame effects from here on out. Yeah, it's kind of like in "Roger Rabbit", turning to the camera and saying, "We couldn't get a real rabbit. We just... wanted to empathize how disappointing that is." And, of course, the 3D gimmicks start right away.

• Nostalgia Critic : When Stallone is making a movie, can we just have an old lady in a blue dress hit him with an umbrella and shout, "Sylvester!"?

• Nostalgia Critic : The funny thing about this opening is that the weird, stilted acting is surprisingly kind of welcomed. Their attempted acting out an adult situation is similar to watching the kids from "Home Movies" make their films.