- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What are you doing?
- Howard Wolowitz: I felt a kick. There's a baby in there.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Oh yeah, that's where I put it.
- Howard Wolowitz: No, I mean... I know you're pregnant; I just... never connected the idea of pregnancy and you actually having a baby.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Which MIT did you go to?
- Penny Hofstadter: Hi!
- Daniel: Hi. I love your movie.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, thanks.
- Daniel: It has got to be one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
- Penny Hofstadter: Your love confuses me.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Thank you, Sheldon. This is a fun surprise.
- Sheldon Cooper: Ohhh. Well, the real surprise is how surprised you are that I'm great at surprises.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Well, that's not a surprise at all. I mean if I knew you were good at surprises I would have expected the surprise and therefore not have been surprised, but as it is I didn't know, and therefore my surprise should be unsurprising.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't get me all randy; guests are on the way.
- Sheldon Cooper: Let's say that we were to entertain people. What type of gathering did you have in mind? Huh? A meal? Lunch? Brunch? Dinner? Afternoon tea? A formal tea? Hmm? Is it a party? And if so, what kind of party? Is it a cocktail party? A Tupperware party? Ooh, yeah - is it a surprise party? Oh, I hope it's not a West Coast party, 'cause according to the man on the radio, a West Coast party don't stop.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry I mentioned it.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, don't be. You get your hopes up, I knock them down. That's called teamwork.
- [first lines]
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, have you ever heard of a Van Nuys Comicon?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, it's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles and get D-list celebrities to appear, why?
- Penny Hofstadter: I got asked to sign autographs there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: That's awesome! It- is this for Serial Apeist?
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, it could be for the monkey movie; it could be my haemorrhoid commercial; the list does not go on.
- Leonard Hofstadter: When is it?
- Penny Hofstadter: It doesn't matter; I'm not doing it.
- Leonard Hofstadter: What? Why not?
- Penny Hofstadter: You just said yourself it's sad.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, but it's not pathetic; that's where I draw the line. Come on, we'll have fun...
- Penny Hofstadter: I don't know.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Y-y-you'll have nerds fawning all over you; if you don't love that, this marriage is in trouble .
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to meet some fans and make a little extra money.
- Leonard Hofstadter: WOW! An appearance by George Lucas... 's dermatologist. Uh, I want that autograph.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, yeah.
- Sheldon Cooper: For our first time hosting, I thought it would be wise to conduct a trial run. You know, like how I practised for that Halloween haunted house by going into the bathroom at the bus station.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: But you never went into that haunted house.
- Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, you never saw what jumped out at me at the bus station.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [as Sheldon struggles to uncork a bottle of champagne] Sheldon, there's nothing to be afraid of.
- Sheldon Cooper: Nothing to be afraid of? The average champagne cork has a speed of 25 miles per hour. If it's too fast around a school, it's too fast around a kitchen.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It's been fifteen minutes, that's all l'm saying.
- Stuart Bloom: So I'm like a lab rat before your real friends come over?
- Sheldon Cooper: Hmm, you see, your words sound reasonable, but your face looks angry.
- [to Amy]
- Sheldon Cooper: Help me out here, this is not where I shine.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Stuart, you know you're one of our favorite people.
- Sheldon Cooper: Okay, now see, you look sincere, but your words are completely false. I'm glad we did this test run, these brunches are wild.
- [last lines]
- Stuart Bloom: You know what I love about you? Hmm? You never leave the house without a paper clip!
- Sheldon Cooper: You never know when two pieces of paper might temporarily need fastening in the top left corner.
- Stuart Bloom: I also love how you never use swear words.
- Sheldon Cooper: You know, it turns out... you can hurt people just as well without 'em.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Maybe I can get a little help putting some of this stuff away?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, calm down.
- [holding up his mimosa]
- Sheldon Cooper: I already put away five of these.
- [to Stuart]
- Sheldon Cooper: See, ain't no muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.
- Leonard Hofstadter: I should have punched that guy.
- Penny Hofstadter: Well, he's right over there.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Why do you do this? Can't you just let me have my moment?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: I don't wanna drive that, it's such a mom car.
- Howard Wolowitz: The guy at the dealership said they're not just for moms anymore.
- Raj Koothrappali: Then again, he did think you were my husband.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: They thought it at the ultrasound, why not at the car dealership?
- Bert Kibbler: I had orange juice on my fridge so long it tasted like mimosa.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: How long was it in there?
- Bert Kibbler: I'm not sure. I don't remember much after I drank it.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: You know, now that we're living together, we should think about inviting people over.
- Sheldon Cooper: We have people over all the time. Maintenance people, the pizza delivery guy, that UPS man who keeps asking how parts of me are hanging.