- Joel Hammond: Dan found one of Gary's fingers in our backyard.
- Sheila Hammond: Oh, my God.
- Joel Hammond: He thinks you and Gary were having an affair, and I found out and killed him.
- Sheila Hammond: So Dan assumes you killed Gary? That's sexist.
- Joel Hammond: Yes, that's the big problem here, honey. Dan's devaluing the important contribution women make.
- Sheila Hammond: I see the problem, sweetheart. It's just a little offensive.
- Joel Hammond: We all agree he's a terrible misogynist. He's also a crooked cop who's blackmailing me to murder someone. So I don't know where to focus my anger.
- Joel Hammond: So, we need to find this book.
- Sheila: Well, do we even know the name of it?
- Joel Hammond: It's some long Serbian name, which according to a message board, roughly translates to "Pozica: Never Fucking Go There."
- Sheila Hammond: Maybe we can make this work for us.
- Joel Hammond: You want to murder someone for Dan?
- Sheila Hammond: I will need to eat, and this is a bad guy.
- Joel Hammond: I don't want to be Dan's hired assassin. I'm just settling into being a real estate broker who kills people. And the only thing I like about that job is I get to be my own boss.
- Sheila: Were you aware that your building was recently purchased by Southern California's largest condominium developer?
- Joel Hammond: Oh my God!
- Loki Hayes: The fuck I care?
- Joel Hammond: Great question. The fuck you care is that we've been tasked by that very developer to offer you a large cash settlement to forgo your current lease.
- Sheila: Oh my God!
- Joel Hammond: It's a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Loki.
- Sheila: What do you think?
- Joel Hammond: Can we crack the champagne?
- Loki Hayes: My cousin in Queens had the same shit happen to her. She got so much cash, she don't even talk to our family no more. Yeah, I want that.
- Joel Hammond: Maybe we should just keep driving. Go home, get some clothes, and just never come back.
- Sheila: Well, that's crazy. We can't just run away. Where would we go? And we have so much equity in our house.
- Joel Hammond: Yeah, I didn't think about the equity. I'm a monster.
- Dan Palmer: There is one thing I don't know. How could a pussy like you kill someone? I mean, I once saw you running after an ice cream truck.
- Joel Hammond: What do you want, Dan?
- Dan Palmer: I told you, I just wanna be friends.
- Joel Hammond: Fine, we're friends. Let's get Slurpees and go to Magic Mountain.
- Joel Hammond: [reading Loki's rap sheet] "Loki Hayes: Larceny, arson, homicide, homicide, homicide, homicide, impersonating a forest ranger." Look, this just goes on and on. Dan says he's gonna be at his apartment tonight after 11.
- Sheila Hammond: Oh, I hate eating so late.
- Joel Hammond: Yeah. There's a lot about this that isn't ideal.
- Joel Hammond: Hello. I'm friends with your grandson... uh, Principal Novak... and I have something in Serbian I need translated. He said you might be able to help me.
- Mrs. Bakavic: I know nothing about you.
- Joel Hammond: But I know about you. And I brought you a reminder from home. Paczki!
- Mrs. Bakavic: Paczki is Polish. It's for peasants. Leave outside for birds. Bring the box. I use the box.
- Abby Hammond: I should leave. I actually have to cover for my dad at an open house, so...
- Dan Palmer: Oh, what's wrong with Joel?
- Lisa Palmer: Turn it off, Dan.
- Abby Hammond: I think he's just taking the day off.
- Dan Palmer: Interesting.
- Abby Hammond: Really? Maybe I'm too close to it. See you, guys.
- Joel Hammond: Hello. I'm friends with your grandson... Principal Novak... and I have something in Serbian I need translated. He said you might be able to help me.
- Mrs. Bakavic: I knows nothing about you.
- Joel Hammond: But I know about you. And I brought you a reminder from home. Paczki!
- Mrs. Bakavic: Paczki is Polish. It's for peasants. Leave outside for birds. Bring the box. I use the box.