- Barry Goldberg: He doesn't know a lay-up from a bank shot! Go ahead, ask him what a bank shot is.
- Adam Goldberg: Is it when you make a lot of bank by throwing the orange ball into the hoop?
- Barry Goldberg: What are you doing in my basketball court-slash-our driveway? Basketball is my thing, along with all sports. Go get your own, but you can't, 'cause they're all mine!
- Beverly Goldberg: [after catching Murray sleeping upstairs during his surpirse party] Aunt Rose made an ice-cream cake with your face on it!
- Murray Goldberg: Ooh, I'll have a slice of me.
- Beverly Goldberg: Well, you can't, because it all melted. It's ice-cream soup now.
- Murray Goldberg: I'm a milkshake. Well, that's the dream.
- Beverly Goldberg: It's your fiftieth birthday. Your nifty fifties!
- Murray Goldberg: What's so nifty about throwing my back out every time I sneeze?
- Barry Goldberg: Don't you dare moonwalk away from that cereal! I own that move that Michael Jackson invented!