- Lou: [on Steve Sax's arrest for multiple murders in New York City] Yeah, we got him in New York City for half of '89, half of '90, half of '91. That's, uh, that's opportunity right there.
- Steve Sax: What was I doing in New York City then? I was playing baseball, man. I was, I was playing for the New York Yankees, minding my own business. I had absolutely no motive whatsoever.
- Lou: I mean, this was the early '90s. The whole country was in the dumps. If you didn't need a motive to get out of bed, you definitely didn't need a motive to put six hundred bodies in the ground.
- Steve Sax: That's what? A new murder every other day for four years. That's an unsustainable murder rate for a hardened criminal.
- Lou: Look, all I know is he sure was eager to skip town and come to Springfield. Sounds like a man who stole some souls to me.
- Steve Sax: I had a hard enough time stealing second base. I knew it was something deep. I knew it was some sort of a conspiracy. Something very sinister was going on, and there was somebody that was putting these cops up to this.
- Bill de Blasio: All I'm at liberty to say about Steve Sax is we are still investigating the matter.
- Wade Boggs: [on his argument with Barney over England greatest Prime Minister] You gotta blame Springfield's beer culture for that one. That said, Pitt the Elder was a brilliant orator, a man of the people, and vehemently anti-corruption. Lord Palmerston was a hack who bought the press and stoked nationalist fears to consolidate support among the uneducated masses. The answer was plain.
- Barney Gumble: [offscreen] Lord Palmerston!
- Wade Boggs: Pitt the Elder!
- Russell Brand: Both Palmerston and Pitt the Elder were hopeless ingenues. Any Brit worth their salt and with a half-decent butler will tell you the greatest ever British Prime Minister was Margaret Thatcher. Ah, the way she dismantled society...