- Debbie Eagan: I know you're trying to help, but what kind of asshole makes his secretary call his ex-wife to get the model number of his ex-bed?
- Earnest Dawson: Mom, I'm worried this director is taking advantage of you.
- Tammé Dawson: He's not. You don't understand, it's a wrestling show. I'm not the only offensive character. Everyone's offensive.
- [Main event promo]
- Tammé Dawson: [holding a KFC bucket] I call this the Liberty Belle Special, 'cause it's all white meat, and I found it in the trash!
- Debbie Eagan: Welfare Queen's nothing but a big phony. I know it, you know it, and she knows it.
- Tammé Dawson: That toothpick with ta-tas can't take me down.
- Debbie Eagan: Welfare Queen needs to stop being such a chicken, and fight me.
- [makes a chicken sound]
- Tammé Dawson: She's calling me a chicken?
- [Liberty Belle continues to make chicken sounds]
- Tammé Dawson: Well, cluck cluck, baby! This chicken's about to lay all her eggs!
- Debbie Eagan: That's my crown! She stole it. And I want it back.
- Tammé Dawson: I'll see your redneck ass in the ring next week, Liberty Belle!
- Debbie Eagan: You will face me.
- Tammé Dawson: You...
- [removes fur coat]
- Tammé Dawson: ... and me! Yeah huh!
- [Debbie offers her bed for sale]
- Henry Wu: Is there anything wrong with it?
- Debbie Eagan: No, it's in mint condition.
- Henry Wu: Did somebody die on it?
- Debbie Eagan: Only my marriage.
- Henry Wu: There must be something wrong with it. One hundred dollars. I'm a handyman, I have tools on the truck. I can take it now.
- Debbie Eagan: Five hundred.
- Henry Wu: One hundred.
- [pause]
- Debbie Eagan: Five hundred.
- Henry Wu: My mother's moving in with us. I don't think she'll spend her remaining years sleeping on her son's old twin bed.
- [Debbie sells the bed for $100]