- Jake Peralta: [Looks around the bullpen, sees some big water bottles and starts formulating an idea] Bottles. Boyle. Bullpen.
- Terry Jeffords: What are you...
- Jake Peralta: Uh-buh-buh. Bottles, Boyle, bullpen.
- [Beat]
- Jake Peralta: Bowling.
- [Cut to Boyle, strapped on a chair, ready to act as a human bowling ball]
- Jake Peralta: Behold, Brooklyn buddies, Boyle bullpen bottle bowling.
- Charles Boyle: Beautiful.
- Jake Peralta: Be brave, bro. Be brave. Bowl!
- Rosa Diaz: [Boyle knocks over all the water bottles] Bam!
- Charles Boyle: Bull's-eye!
- Jake Peralta: Booyah!
- Elderly Eastern European Woman: Babushka!
- Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Charles Boyle, Rosa Diaz, Elderly Eastern European Woman: [Beat] Babushka!
- Captain Ray Holt: [Diaz knocks on the door] Come in, Diaz.
- Rosa Diaz: How'd you know it was me?
- Captain Ray Holt: The restrained knock. Everyone else in this office plays my door like it's a marimba. The other day, Jeffords gave it three taps and two raps.
- Rosa Diaz: Was he drunk?
- Captain Ray Holt: One can only assume.
- Charles Boyle: Sorry, my partner doesn't believe in therapy.
- Dr. Frederick Tate: Oh, that's fine. It's hard for some people.
- Jake Peralta: Title of your sex tape.
- Jake Peralta: Okay, unlike Kooky Charles and Tearful Terry, I am healthy and don't need therapy.
- Hitchcock: I hear that. I don't go to therapy either. Jake and I are like two penises in a pod.
- Jake Peralta: Damn it, Hitchcock, we talked about this. It never helps when you back me up.
- Captain Ray Holt: [about Jocelyn, Diaz's girlfriend] Now that the squad has all met her, surely you can't object to her having some rice with Kevin and me?
- Rosa Diaz: Okay, it's just that you can be a bit judgmental.
- Captain Ray Holt: What a stupid thing to say. Name one time when I have been judgmental.
- Rosa Diaz: Okay.
- Captain Ray Holt: [flashback] What a stupid thing to say.
- [Back to present]
- Captain Ray Holt: Oh, I see. Mere seconds ago.
- Jake Peralta: Oh, that guy looks like he's wearing a skin mask over his own face, so I'm guessing it's Dr. Tate.
- Charles Boyle: He has a normal man's face, Jake.
- Jake Peralta: Yes, he does have a normal man's face, stretched out over his own face, because he is a Hannibal.
- Charles Boyle: Why do you think Dr. Tate's the murderer?
- Jake Peralta: He already knew where the bathroom was. He's clearly been here before.
- Charles Boyle: Well, he probably just guessed, because it's obvious.
- Jake Peralta: This is New York. It's never obvious where the bathroom is. I once had an apartment where the toilet was literally in the refrigerator.
- Jake Peralta: [Pretends to be a mental patient with multiple personalities syndrome] Uh, I was just talking to another one of the voices.
- Dr. Theresa Moore: Is it Tatiana?
- Jake Peralta: Who now?
- Dr. Theresa Moore: The mischievous seven-year-old British girl you told me about on the phone? May I speak with her?
- Jake Peralta: Uh...
- [high-pitched British accent]
- Jake Peralta: Yes? Hello, Doctor. I'm from Wussex.
- Dr. Theresa Moore: Is that an actual place in England?
- Jake Peralta: How should I know? I'm just a little girl, I am, I am.
- Dr. Theresa Moore: Well, it's nice to speak with you, Tatiana. Can I say hello to Brian, the bookkeeper from Central London?
- Jake Peralta: [In a male British accent] Cheers, I'm Brian. I like bookkeeping right in the middle of London. Did I tell you a full list of my many personalities when I called you on the ol' telly, innit?
- Dr. Theresa Moore: Yes, you did.
- Jake Peralta: And are any of 'em, hopefully, not from England?
- Dr. Theresa Moore: There's Geoffrey. You said he's Australian.
- Jake Peralta: [In an Australian accent] Aww, crikey.
- Jocelyn: Excuse me, do you have a less crinkly dollar I could trade you for?
- Captain Ray Holt: Of course I do. None of my dollars has a single crinkle. When they do, I steam them.
- [Hands her a dollar bill]
- Jocelyn: Oh. Wow, that is crisp.
- Captain Ray Holt: [Looks at the crinkly dollar she gave him] Can't wait to get this baby home and flatten it out.
- Jocelyn: [Jake pretends to be Garrett, a mental patient with multiple personalities syndrome] Well, Garrett, our time is up. Shall we pick up here next week?
- Jake Peralta: No, I can't go. There's still someone left inside that wants to talk.
- Jocelyn: Do you mean Satchel, the "gentle African-American man who was born in 1908"?
- Jake Peralta: Oh, no. You know what? Satchel probably shouldn't come out right now. Or ever, for that matter.
- Jocelyn: Garrett, I can only help you if you open up.
- Jake Peralta: [sighs]
- [deep voice]
- Jake Peralta: And then Dufresne escaped through the tunnels of Shawshank Prison. He was my friend.
- Jocelyn: Are you just doing Morgan Freeman?
- Jake Peralta: Ah, yes! You calling me on it just gave me a major breakthrough. I'm cured! Anyway, deuces, Doc!
- Dr. Frederick Tate: Now, I'm sorry, but our session is coming to a close. I guess I'll have to bill your widow.
- Jake Peralta: Wow, that is cold-blooded, but I got to hand it to you, it's a pretty dope kill line.