- Phil Dunphy: I have a science question I've always wondered about.
- Alex Dunphy: Uh, maybe keep wondering.
- Phil Dunphy: Would there be a safe amount of helium you could give a baby that would lift it off the ground? I don't want it to float away. I just want it to have fun.
- [Talking about last night when they went to underground parties with 20-somethings]
- Cameron Tucker: It was so burnt.
- Mitchell Pritchett: Lit.
- Jay Pritchett: What happened to hazing? It used to be macho stuff, you know, like making a guy drink a shot out of your belly button or passing an orange around only using your butt cheeks.
- Cameron Tucker: Okay, Grandma Tucker's hangover remedy... Put a pat of butter underneath your tongue, tip your head back, and I'll pour the hot sauce up your nose.