- Narrator: In the meantime, Boris and Natasha had been given one last chance to get the fabulous bowler back.
- Fearless Leader: You see this box, Badenov?
- Boris Badenov: Yes, Fearless Leader.
- Fearless Leader: At noon I send it to Pottsylvania with Kirward Derby inside.
- Boris Badenov: Suppose I don't get derby?
- Fearless Leader: I send it back with *you* inside!
- Boris Badenov: But I wouldn't be able to breathe in there.
- Fearless Leader: Believe me, that would be the least of your problems.
- Boris Badenov: You mean...?
- Fearless Leader: Jawohl! You won't *be* breathing.
- Boris Badenov: Hoo boy...
- [Rocky and Bullwinkle are deciding what to do with the Kirward Derby]
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle, there's only one place that hat should *be*.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: On a hat rack!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: We gotta take it to Washington!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: He never wears a derby.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: No, I mean...
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Usually he wears a wig.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Besides, he's not with us anymore, you know.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Bullwinkle!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: He's gone to the big cherry orchard in the sky.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: I don't mean *George* Washington! I mean Washington, D.C.!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Oh, *him*!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Now, how do we get to Washington from here? We're broke.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Beats me.
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Put on the hat and see if you can get an idea.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Okay, let's see.
- [Bullwinkle puts on the Kirward Derby]
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Well! Obviously the best way to get to Washington is run for office and be elected!
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Go on, Bullwinkle.
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Go on, where?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: When do we get there?
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Why ask *me*?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: 'Cause you're wearing the Kirward Derby on your head, and...
- [Rocky notices that Bullwinkle is no longer wearing the Kirward Derby]
- Rocket J. Squirrel: Hokey smoke! It's gone!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: My head?
- Rocket J. Squirrel: The hat!
- Bullwinkle J. Moose: Ooh, I'm glad it wasn't my head. I wouldn'ta had nothing to hang my antlers on.
- [from the "Fractured Fairy Tales" segment, "John's Ogre Wife"]
- Grumpira: [concocting a witches' brew] A pinch of this, and a pinch of that, a Dewey button, and a French-fried bat.
- [from the "Dudley Do-Right" segment, "Niagara Falls"]
- [first lines]
- Dudley Do-Right Narrator: Niagara Falls... and sometimes it doesn't. One of the times it didn't was back in the year nineteen-hundred and one. There it was, pouring itself all over the place, and then suddenly, without warning...
- [Niagara Falls dries up]
- Dudley Do-Right Narrator: Honeymoon couples from all over the world stood transfixed. Who was responsible for this black deed? Who turned the tap on this great natural wonder?
- [from the "Dudley Do-Right" segment, "Niagara Falls"]
- [Inspector Fenwick calls his daughter Nell into his office]
- Nell Fenwick: [entering and saluting] You called, Daddy dear?
- Inspector Fenwick: You don't have to salute, Nell. Just stand at attention.
- [from the "Dudley Do-Right" segment, "Niagara Falls"]
- [Snidely Whiplash has just dried up Niagara Falls]
- Snidely Whiplash: [chuckles] And they said Kansas was dry.
- [from the "Dudley Do-Right" segment, "Niagara Falls"]
- [Snidely Whiplash has traveled to Alaska with Dudley Do-Right in tow, hoping to find a stretch of railroad track on which to leave Dudley, ahead of an oncoming train]
- Snidely Whiplash: Well, Do-Right, according to my calculations, the 12:02 from Quebec will be pulling into Nome any second. Come, we must find a deserted stretch of track.
- Dudley Do-Right: How about this, Snidely? This looks good.
- Snidely Whiplash: You make the choice. After all, you're going to be tied to it.
- Dudley Do-Right: Oh, this will do fine, then.
- [Snidely drops Dudley onto the tracks]
- Snidely Whiplash: You know something? I could like you, if it weren't for your sense of justice and fair play. Why don't you rotten up like me?
- Dudley Do-Right: Oh, I could *never* do that.
- [a train whistle blows in the distance]
- Dudley Do-Right: Hark! Better stand back or I'll miss my train.
- Dudley Do-Right Narrator: This was it, then. This was our valiant hero's swan song. His future would all be past. Nevermore would his innate goodness roam the Canadian wilds. Nevermore.
- Snidely Whiplash: Egad, methinks I feel a twinge of pity.
- Dudley Do-Right: Goodbye, Mr. Whiplash.
- Snidely Whiplash: Some foreign feeling beats within me hardened breast. Do I feel the pangs of guilt?
- Dudley Do-Right: Tell Mumsy how I went.
- Snidely Whiplash: I can't do it! I can't, I can't, I can't...
- Dudley Do-Right Narrator: And with that, Whiplash pulled the switch and the speeding train swerved onto another track.
- Dudley Do-Right: You couldn't kill me, could you?
- Snidely Whiplash: No. I suppose I'm just an old softy.
- Dudley Do-Right: Thank you, Mr. Whiplash.
- Snidely Whiplash: Say no more! Just go! I want to be left alone, to think, ponder, reflect...