fieldy Reviews

The Tyra Banks Show (2005–2011)

Makes me sick to the stomach

[1/10 · 27 November 2007]

What a piece of crap! I've only seen bits but even just a few seconds of this show makes me feel like killing myself. Tyra is definitely one of the most annoying people on television today.

I thought 'America's Next Top Model' was bad, but now it seems like some form of high art compared to 'The Tyra Banks Show'!!

Avoid at all costs, unless you want a cheap laugh (though it feels wrong, like those insensitive folks who like making fun of handicapped people) - in fact when I first saw the show I wondered if I was watching one of those comedy spoofs. But unfortunately not, this is the real deal... brain-dead morons hosting TV shows, what'll they think of next?

Love Actually (2003)

worst movie ever

[1/10 · 31 August 2007]

Conclusively, without doubt, undeniably, unmistakably, unquestionably and irrevocably THE worst movie I have ever seen in my life.

The only reason I was able to sit through it is that I couldn't look away from this horrific car crash that injured so many fine actors (not to mention a handful of appalling no-names).

On the few occasions that my nausea subsided, it was brought back with a vengeance by the unbelievably bad music selection, the piece de resistance being the primary school's blood-curdling rendition of Mariah Carey's 'All I Want For Christmas'.

Every time you think the film can't get any worse, it somehow manages to, which is quite a mean feat I must say...

Melinda and Melinda (2004)

Woody goes down...

[2/10 · 3 June 2005]

I've seen my share of Woody Allen's movies, and while they're not always great, you can usually be sure you're going to be entertained. Probably the last really good ones were Bullets Over Broadway ('94) and Mighty Aphrodite ('95) - since then the ones I've seen have been patchy but watchable. And so when I was invited to see the new Woody Allen movie Melinda and Melinda, which I wasn't even aware had been released yet, I went along happily. I hadn't really heard much about it so I hoped I would be pleasantly surprised.

What I got was definitely the worst Woody Allen movie I've seen. The premise is over-explained, the cast is terrible, the script is slow and lifeless. Too many scenes said nothing and yet were stretched out, I assume to fill out what would have otherwise become a 15 minute short film.

I don't mind the concept behind this film - two directors discuss how a simple situation could be interpreted as a comedy or a tragedy, and obviously the film proceeds to show us that, by playing out both scenarios. The problem is neither of these 'two films' are any good at all. The comedy isn't funny and the tragedy isn't very tragic. It seems like Allen came up with a good idea but then ran out of steam, or time, to actually complete the film.

The general level of acting is notably bad also - Will Ferrell is the only one who brings anything to the table, and it's basically a Woody Allen impression. Previously good actors like Chloe Sevigny just come off as annoying, and the worst of the bunch is Radha Mitchell as Melinda (which is a shame, because her character is in nearly every scene!).

To be fair to the actors, the script they are working with is lacking if not non-existent. Definitely a long way from the Allen we know and love from classics like Manhattan or Annie Hall.

Vanilla Sky (2001)

Hmm...

[5/10 · 22 November 2004]

When a film starts how Vanilla Sky does, a dream sequence followed by a relatively routine day of what seems like the 'typical Tom Cruise character', then out of the blue we cut to Cruise being interrogated about a murder, some strange mask covering his face... I generally sit up and take notice!

Unfortunately somewhere a little bit down the track it goes a bit astray - can't really pinpoint one exact scene or moment when it happens, but for some reason I started caring less and less what was going to happen.

A big part of it is the heavy-handedness - it's over-long and certain scenes are dragged out to painful lengths. The music is pretty good (Radiohead's 'Everything In Its Right Place' is perfect for the opening scene) but overused - it seems that every minute there's another song playing. I know Crowe likes music but try to keep it subtle.

The cast does a good enough job, but I think Cruise has it tough - he's just not convincing enough, he's kind of playing himself half the time, then hamming it up the rest of the time. Diaz, Cruz and Russell are OK, I like Lee but the part's not right for him. And Noah Taylor is almost the downfall of the entire film for me. He was just so stilted, but his character was so important to the last twenty minutes or so, he made me want to switch it off. Then again I was losing interest by then.

Basically, there's more twists here than I can readily recall in any film - enough to keep you vaguely entertained for 136 minutes. But at the end I wondered whether it was really all worth it. I haven't seen the original but I imagine it's better, well at least more succinct at about 20 minutes shorter.

It's certainly interesting, but ultimately long-winded and clunky...

Undertaking Betty (2002)

has its moments

[5 April 2004]

After reading many positive reviews on imdb, I figured they can't all be wrong. I don't, however, quite share their enthusiasm on this film. It does have its moments, where I did actually laugh out loud. At the end of the day though, it was just too slow and incredibly predictable.

That said, the actors are all good (Walken and Evans perhaps a little over the top) and the film is watchable enough... Check it out if you can't find anything else.

By the way, when I first tried, I couldn't submit the above review because there weren't enough lines in it! Quite frankly, there just wasn't that much to say...

dum de dum

To Die For (1995)

entertaining enough...

[7 March 2004]

To Die For is an entertaining enough film, but there's really not much to it. In short, Kidman, a girl just starting in TV but who thinks she's going to be huge, marries Dillon, who is a more traditional guy, works in the family restaurant, wants to start a family, etc... Soon enough she decides he's holding her 'career' back and needs to get rid of him.

The film plays out in a kind of interesting way, the actual events being interspersed with interviews and TV spots to relay the information. But all in all, the plot's pretty ordinary and wears quite thin. The biggest problem for me is that the couple have nothing in common and would never have married (let alone her having to then come up with some elaborate scheme to kill him).

Kidman is ok, but I can't help thinking that the character isn't too much of a stretch for her! The real surprise here is Joaquim Phoenix, who puts in an absolutely stunning performance, for me pretty much holding the film together.

The Others (2001)

Only good point is the ending

[3/10 · 8 November 2002]

'The Others' takes up way more time in the viewer's life than it deserves. It is only vaguely worth it for its trick ending, and let's face it, if it didn't have an ending like that there would be nothing to the film at all.

Everything plods along so slowly, and there are quite a few things which seem illogical, for example how the daughter screams wildly at some things but is very matter-of-fact about sightings of intruders in the house.

Because nothing much is happening, it is only inevitable that some major shock ending is coming, and quite frankly, while it is surprising, it's not really that mind-blowing, and certainly doesn't make the whole movie worthwhile.

Could have been a lot better.

Ali (2001)

...yawn...

[1/10 · 15 September 2002]

Somewhere along the line, it somehow got forgotten that a film should be entertaining. Whoever was responsible (I guess director Michael Mann, who also directed the great film 'The Insider') must have just got so swept up in the life of Ali that it slipped his mind.

The film is so long and boring I found it hard to keep my eyes open. Previously I didn't know that much about Ali's life, and unfortunately I think a lot is assumed, because it just skips absent-mindedly from one scene to the next, without much really happening. At times it is like we are seeing a 'best of' of Ali's life, and those reviews that praise how authentically the scenes of the movie recreate those from news footage of Ali only go to back up this point.

The film is obviously well-made, and all the actors do a pretty good job, but it's just so damn BORING!

Clay Pigeons (1998)

good viewing, enough said

[8 January 1999]

Clay Pigeons is a good film. Sure, we may have seen it all before but it's still fun to watch. The cast is good and the score by the Lounge Lizards' John Lurie is nicely fitting. Touches of humour (particularly by Vaughn) help also. See it for a good bit of fun.