I stare with utter disbelief at the high rating given to this piece of cinematic flotsam. Making serious animation is a good idea, but I believe that this movie helped ruin any chances for it being taken seriously. There is no single protagonist, as this movie goes through several generations. None of the characters are remotely likable despite all of the depressing tortures the movie unleashes upon them. This movie delights in causing pain to it's characters in a vain attempt to make the audience care one iota about the characters. The plot is stolen from (in this order) old gangster films, WWII films, James Dean movies, and, finally, "The Rose." Even worse is the horrible, horrible animation which is painful and unbearable to watch. Worst yet is it's disrespect for the "popular music" which the movie claims to be about. Jimi Hendrix is animated horribly, and Bob Segar songs are somehow considered punk. Deep hurting, definitely on my list of top 10 worst films.
Reviews
13 Reviews
Red Zone Cuba
(1966)
What's going on?
30 December 1998
Everyone has already commented about this film, but I'm here for one reason: A plea. Please, someone tell me what exactly was going on? There's obviously some sort of embryo of a plot that isn't mentioned to the audience. Just trying to sort things out makes my head hurt. Only watch this movie in the MST3K version, and even then be careful not to pay too much attention to the movie, just the wise-cracks. Oh yes, and take breaks and get some sugar in you. Treat the movie like a series of unrelated, boring scenes. You've been warned.
Fun for the entire (dysfunctional) family!
20 October 1998
"Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" is an unconventional children's story that refuses to become watered-down or P.C. It manages to be great family entertainment without too much watering down of Raul Dahl's disturbed ideas (although Mr. Dahl did not enjoy the film version.) The child actor isn't too annoying, which puts it ahead of most children's movies, and the songs are pretty good. What gives it the extra edge is the LSD inspired visuals and Gene Wilder's brilliant performance of the eccentric Willy Wonka. There are a few moments that only adults will get, a few moments only a kid could love, and a few scenes which are rather disturbing (The legendary "Boat Scene"). All in all a great movie (but make sure your kids are old enough, this film can cause some serious mental health issues late in life, I should know!)
The Final Sacrifice
(1990 Video)
Blank empty space...
17 October 1998
This avant-garde work of "genius" answers the question: "What is the minimum amount of plot necessary for a good fantasy movie." The answer is: A whole lot more than "Quest for the Lost City" (a.k.a. "The Final Sacrifice"). This movie is blank empty space with a couple of doses of pure silliness in an attempt to liven up the action. It also features "Rowsdower" the most unlikely hero since Joe Don Baker signed up for "Mitchell" all those years ago...
Coherence? We don't need no steenkin' coherence
17 October 1998
"Austin Powers" is basically a bunch of gags thrown together under the pretense of a James Bond spoof. For most comedians this would be career suicide, but Mike Myers pulls it off brilliantly. This is his movie, everyone else pretty much sits in the sidelines (no big problem, it isn't like Elizabeth Hurley's character has any other characteristics besides being hot, just like most "Bond girls."). He even manages to outact himself under the guise of "Dr. Evil," the perfect stereotypical spy villain. He can become tiresome a bit as Austin Powers, but as Dr. Evil, Mike Myers shines.
The Touch of Satan
(1971)
No touching and no Satan, what is with this movie?
17 October 1998
This, unlike many a bad movie, started out with an interesting plot. A girl sells her soul to the devil to keep her witch sister alive. It makes the mistake by starting up years after this event, where the witch lady is still as youthful as ever and has tricked a nice (if a tad bit dumb) guy to assist her. There's no more plot after that, the rest of the movie consists of various murder attempts by the severly aged sister and the witch lady tried to get the guy to help her. Add that with a couple of odd pieces of dialogue ("This is where the fish lives." "Zah!") and this movie never rises above camp, and fairly uninteresting camp at that.
Top Secret!
(1984)
Forgotten gem.
16 October 1998
This forgotten classic is probably as funny as "Airplane!" (if not as well-known) The gags come rapid-fire, the amorphous "plot" changes every couple of minutes, and Val Kilmer is surprisingly funny as the dumb old-country boy rock singer "Neek." There's simply too much funny stuff in this movie to describe, but it one-ups "Airplane!" in one respect: The songs. The songs (some sung by Kilmer himself) are hilarious and well-done. From "Skeet Surfing" to "How Silly Could You Get?" (My Favorite, and it's title pretty much sums up the movie) to a warped advertisement version of "Are You Lonesome Tonight?" this movie's soundtrack deserves to be re-issued.
Hobgoblins
(1988)
Deep hurting.
9 October 1998
As a movie, this makes a good episode of "Mystery Science Theater 3000." That is the only good thing about this movie. A directorial debut by Rick "Vice Academy" Sloane, this movie is hilariously bad when it tries to be horror, and painfully atrocious when it tries to be a comedy. Full of misogynist themes, obvious "Gremlins" rip-offs, and a few lousy eighties songs to round it out, "Hobgoblins" is a movie to be avoided. With a movie like "Manos: The Hands of Fate" you at least get the feeling that someone on the set cared about the film and the plot. There's no comfort here, this is obviously a cheap, cynical attempt to cash in to the "camp B-movie" trend of the eighties, and fails even as a fun popcorn movie.
The Pumaman
(1980)
Who says a superhero has to be super?
9 October 1998
The best thing that can be said about this movie is that it was better than, say, any Marvel Comics adaptation... However, that doesn't mean it's good, instead it falls into the category of "Cheesy 70's comic adventure movies." This features a local dork with a "Puma Sense" who is discovered to be a Puma Man by a brute Aztec (who does most of the work in this movie, while Puma Man plays dead and tries to commit suicide) after being thrown out of a window. Hey, I didn't write it! Will he save the day from Donald Pleasance (who needed to feed the wife and kids)? Will he get the girl? Will all of our religions turn out to be wrong, and the Aztec-Alien-Pumaman religion turn out to be right? We don't care! We're too busy making fun of his incredibly inappropriate disco background music, and stupid costume. Bad movie fans unite, you have nothing to lose but your dignity!
Invasion of the Neptune Men
(1961)
The dullest invasion ever.
9 October 1998
"Invasion of the Neptune Men" is one of many cheap, camp sci-fi films to come from Japan. While a majority of these movies are fun to watch, this one fails even to be silly. Start with your standard issue "Prince of Space"-type superhero fighting your standard issue "Alien invaders" (The kind that have the courtesy to fall down BEFORE they get kicked). Then a couple of annoying Japanese kids who have Level 5 security passes are added in just to get a fully typical Japanese sci-fi action film. It sets up to become a fun romp. Fifteen minutes later, it becomes obvious that the "plot" is going nowhere, and all the silliness dissipates into deep, deep boredom. Watching paint dry is much more interesting than this. By the second half, one starts believing that one HAS been inhalng paint fumes. Stock footage rules the day, the air pilot scene seems to be set on repeat, and then they blow up the Hitler building. Watch "Prince of Space" or one of the Gamera movies for a better camp experience.
The Shining
(1980)
Masterpiece of modern horror.
7 September 1998
Stanley Kubrick's "The Shining" was a high-water mark in horror movie history. The masterful direction of Kubrick makes this one of the eeriest films ever made. Kubrick jungles the subtle with the over-the-top beautifully. One minute he's slowly filming the haunted house and the next he's filming elevators filled with blood. Jack Nicholson makes the film with his slow descent into madness, gradually becoming more and more possessed until he's almost a comic presence. The people who have the most trouble with this film are gore-hounds (who probably didn't like the lack of violence) and fans of the book (who were disappointed that Kubrick, as he always does with his source material, made the movie so radically different).
Riding with Death
(1976 TV Movie)
Cheesy 70s show attempts to be a movie.
7 September 1998
This much maligned piece of vintage 70s cheese is high up on the bottom 100 poll. While it certainly isn't very good, it is a fun movie none-the-less. It's a collection of two episodes of the cheesy 70s show "Gemini Man" thrown together without anything to really to hold it together. It's enjoyable in its utter campiness. It reaches it's high point (or low point, depending on your tolerance level) with the introduction of novelty country singer Jim Stafford as CB-trucker/race car driver Buffalo Bill. Turn your brain off and "enjoy."
Mitchell
(1975)
"Action" film.
6 September 1998
This film features one of the most unusual concepts for a protagonist ever: a beer- swilling, ill-tempered, and all around unlikable detective named Mitchell, hence the title. Joe Don Baker puts little effort as the protagonist, and neither does the rest of the second string cast: John Saxon, Martin Balsam, and Linda Evans. The plot is incomprehensible, the action scenes boring and repetitive, and the love scenes between Joe Don Baker and Linda Evans should have been left on the cutting room floor. Even if it had a likable protagonist, this movie would still be dull, confusing, and virtually unwatchable. The lead character makes this movie transcend mediocrity and into the realms of the camp.
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