Cobbler Reviews

X2 (2003)

Not an Improvement on the Original

[6/10 · 5 May 2003]

Nightcrawler was admittedly awesome, and there were scattered moments of imagination and wit, but on the whole, the film was at least twenty minutes too long, and the villain plot (featuring Brian Cox as Commander Stryker) was dull and by-the-numbers. My favorite moments were at the school, where new (adolescent) mutants were introduced, and the storyline with Wolverine (still impressively played by Hugh Jackman) trying to figure out his origin via torturous memories. The climax (in an underground dam) stretched on forever, and the film has at least six different endings. X2 showed the mark of too many writers trying to juggle too many characters. I'm still looking forward to part three, though. 6/10.

They (2002)

Solid.

[7/10 · 4 December 2002]

I thought this was a solid, entertaining horror film- better than the (overdone) The Ring, in fact, and scarier. Laura Regan was a bit weak, and the script is underdeveloped, but I liked the fact that things were not explained, and much of the horror is left to the audience's imagination. The ending was brave, and is a step in the right direction for improving the overall poor quality of contemporary horror flicks. 7/10.

Silo Killer (2002 Video)

Kooky Kids With Cameras and Red Food Coloring

[6/10 · 25 November 2002]

Extremely low-budget feature that was shot on location in the Arizona desert. The dialogue is sharp and extremely funny at points, and there is a really, really amusing performance by Brian Reid as "Lyle", the guy who has a different (labeled) shirt for every occasion (Eatin', Drinkin', etc.) However, the film is not scary at all, and some of the acting is truly atrocious. Works better as a comedy or a buddy movie than a horror flick. It's no "Evil Dead", but the filmmakers' hearts were in the right place. 6/10.

Below (2002)

A Director to Watch

[7/10 · 15 October 2002]

This one is definitely worth a look, perhaps at a weekend matinee. Olivia Williams and Matt Davis have real charisma, and the story (although a bit flimsy and redundant) holds your interest throughout. The film is confusingly edited at times, though-- especially in a scene where four crewman dive underneath the submerged sub, and relies a bit too much on cliched "What's behind that curtain/Who's that creeping up behind me?" scare tactics. The story also lacks a real protagonist and is not really told from any character's point of view, so we (as the audience) don't know who to root for. Twohy is an interesting director, and should be commended for his willingness to explore creative stories in science fiction, action, and horror. 7/10

Tuff Turf (1985)

When Will It End??

[2/10 · 21 August 2002]

I was expecting some enjoyable cheese, a la Savage Streets or The New Kids, or vivid SoCal mid 80's atmosphere, like in Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo, but instead got an absolutely godawful hodgepodge of Rebel Without A Cause, Romeo and Juliet, and the worst music since Disney's The Country Bears. Decent performances by Kim Richards and Matt Clark (as Spader's dad) didn't help the meandering story, headache-inducing examination of "violence" and poor/rich class warfare, and confusing main character. A scene where the "kids" crash a Beverly Hills country club was interminable, as was the musical number that Spader warbles at a piano! There's a reason why this film is not well known, and the fact that it was directed by the genius who helmed Children of the Corn has something to do with it. I give it a 2, only for the jacket that Spader's character wears and for Richard's crimped hair.

The New Kids (1985)

"My name's Gideon Walters...my friends call me Gid!"

[8/10 · 22 July 2002]

Don't let people sway you, folks. This movie is outstanding! It features some disreputable Southern stereotypes and death by roller coaster and lighter fluid, not to mention the brilliant actor John Philbin in a typically memorable performance as "Gid". The production values are strong (including music by the great Lalo Schifrin) and the script is fast-paced and doesn't waste time with nuance or subtlety. There are pit bulls, lazy sheriffs, authentic Florida tourist trap backwoods locations, a pre-"Mask" Eric Stoltz, and impressive mid-1980s fashions. What more can you ask for? A solid 7/10.

Amazing Grace (1974)

Simplistic but enjoyable comedy.

[7/10 · 14 February 2002]

Amazing Grace features some extremely simplistic writing and broad (to say the least) acting, but the overall message of the film is positive and inspiring, and "Moms" is really a sight to see. She carries this film on her back with no effort at all. A classy performance by Moses Gunn and some wonderful location shooting (even though the film was shot in Philly, not Baltimore) aid the film as well. A bizarre cameo by Butterfly McQueen is the icing on the cake. Recommended. 7/10.

North Shore (1987)

"Yo Kook! What's the haps?"

[10/10 · 7 January 2002]

My top 10 films of all time include 12 Angry Men, Deliverance, and Rear Window, so you might be surprised by this review. North Shore is one of my favorite films, and it's mainly due to the character of Turtle, played by John Philbin (where are you now??) in a truly genius comic performance. Not only does Turtle get all of the best lines, but his character journey in overcoming self-doubt is a really nice & emotionally resonant element of the movie. All the actors are pleasant enough to watch, from Matt Adler (earnest and likeable) to Nia Peebles (foxy) to Gregory Harrison (Yoda-ish). Laird Hamilton is an awful actor, but you forgive him for it, because his surfing is incredible. The script is well-structured, the surfing scenes are excellent, and the romance is awesome. I really feel this is an underrated film, the best Karate Kid knockoff, and one of the best of the 80s sleepers. 9/10 P.S. I can't help but smile at that final shot. Awesome!

C.H.U.D. (1984)

Premise better than execution.

[4/10 · 17 December 2001]

I agree with the previous reviewers who noted that the premise of C.H.U.D. is much better than the execution. The idea of radiation in the subways turning homeless folks into cannibalistic monsters is awesome. And I liked the cop searching for his wife, the photographer doing a story on vagrants, the crazy soup kitchen dude, etc. Unfortunately, the script is seriously underwritten and the characters are not sufficiently fleshed out, neither are the situations. To me, the film deserved a more gritty, less cheesey (i.e., fake gore and goofy looking monsters) approach, with a more visually gifted director (David Fincher perhaps?) and better actors than John Heard and Daniel Stern (who aren't bad, by the way.) See Alligator (1980) as an example of a movie like this that is done well. I give C.H.U.D. 4/10. (One extra star for the title.)

Shakma (1990)

Shakma Needs Some Trousers!

[5/10 · 16 November 2001]

Not as bad as you might expect. The main problems I had were with the extremely cheap set, which could have been much more creative (there were only two or three exterior shots in the whole film), and with the embarrassingly banal Dungeons & Dragons game that the characters play, which was ridiculous and seems like part of another movie altogether. Other than that, the actors were fine, the deaths were pleasingly bloody, and poor Shakma really needed to wear some pants. The movie is well-paced, but plays all of its cards too early, so you realize how thin the story actually is. Shakma would be good for an undemanding video double feature, perhaps with the similiarly baboon themed In the Shadow of Kilimanjaro, which is a much better movie. I give Shakma 5/10.

P.S. I missed the part that told me why the characters couldn't just leave the building?

Donnie Darko (2001)

Wow.

[9/10 · 6 November 2001]

Jake Gyllenhaal deserves an Oscar nomination for his understated work in this truly original movie. I also thought Holmes Osborne, Mary McDonnell, and Katherine Ross were excellent. The writer/director is obviously a major new talent and I thought Donnie Darko was intriguing and thought-provoking, while others seemed to have found it mystifying and confusing. (Don't listen to them!) The blending of genres into something brand new was exciting and I can't recommend this movie more strongly. Some weak supporting performances (Drew Barrymore especially) don't do much to detract from the film's merits. Along with Our Song and Hedwig & the Angry Inch, this is at the top of my list of the best films of the year. 9/10.

L.I.E. (2001)

Great Acting--Weak Story

[5/10 · 30 September 2001]

Somewhat overrated indie film that features a great performance by Cox, strong cinematography & music, and a couple of brilliant, subtle moments (including young Howie balancing on a bridge spanning the L.I.E. as commuters speed underneath.) However, the story is shapeless and meandering, and there is a poorly written, awkwardly acted subplot featuring Howie and his crook dad that detracts substantially from the film. Apart from the two leads and another character who strangely disappears from the story at the half-way point, the supporting actors are mediocre at best. I would recommend Kids or Happiness for a more effective and cohesive viewing experience. 5/10.

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Pteranadons Rule!

[7/10 · 19 July 2001]

Although it's definitely flawed, this is a huge step up from the abominable The Lost World, with much improved characters, acting, direction (by Joe Johnston), and pacing. The pteranadon sequence was the best moviemaking I have seen all year, and the movie is worth it just for those 15 minutes alone. An abrupt ending didn't do too much to dampen my enjoyment of this one. 7/10.

Mako: The Jaws of Death (1976)

Great Premise; Weak Execution.

[5/10 · 14 July 2001]

This cult horror flick has a memorable central character and some creepy shark-attack scenes, but its porno film-level production values and weak (I'm being kind) acting really bring it down. Better script than direction. Not without interest for 1970s drive-in movie fans, but the VHS copy I saw begged to be remastered and reissued. (Apparently Richard Jaeckel plays the lead, but the film was so dark I couldn't tell you for sure if it was him.) Would make a good double bill with Ben/Willard. 5/10.

Coogan's Bluff (1968)

Snore.

[4/10 · 24 April 2001]

I had high hopes for this flick, seeing how Don Siegel directed three of my all-time faves (...Body Snatchers, Charley Varrick, and Dirty Harry.) Coogan's Bluff turned out to be a real disapointment, with a mediocre, lazy script (the "fish out of water" jokes grew lame very quickly), a washed-out, ugly look, and a really unconvincing romance (Clint mixes it up with "Webster" mom Susan Clark.) The awesome motorcycle chase at the end of the flick around the Cloisters did little to redeem the film. 4/10. (P.S. I'm not a big fan of hippies, either.)

Avalanche (1978)

A.K.A. Buried Beneath White Styrofoam Boulders!!!

[7/10 · 17 January 2001]

Hey, I don't know why folks are being so unkind to this modern American classic. It's a Roger Corman production, after all! I mean, it doesn't pretend to be a statement of man's inhumanity to man, like The Towering Inferno or The Poseidon Adventure does. I found this to be an unpretentious, atmospheric (late 70s Mork & Mindy down vests, shaggy disco hair), and efficient disaster pic. No enormous cast of moneygrubbing hasbeen actors weighting it down-- just a bunch of bearded ski instructors and feathered-hair ski bunnies to bury beneath mountains of styrofoam boulders. Plus, it's a brisk 90 minutes. I liked the wintery atmosphere and could swear I spotted Eric Heiden having a drink at the bar. 6/10.

Pet Sematary (1989)

"Sometimes Dead Is Better."

[11 January 2001]

Apart from an outstanding performance from child actor Miko Hughes, there's unfortunately not much here to recommend. I watched the film shortly after I finished Stephen King's brilliant novel, and was shocked at how streamlined the film was, excising most of the intriguing subtext of the novel to concentrate solely on major plot points. The script itself is ok, but many of the actors are unconvincing (especially Denise Crosby and Dale Midkiff, who reminds me of Keanu Reeves) and the film on the whole looks like a cheapo USA Network flick. Only during the admittedly eventful finale did the actors raise their level of emotion enough that I realized what the movie might have been. 5/10

You Can Count on Me (2000)

My Favorite Film of the Year

[10/10 · 28 November 2000]

This movie broke my heart in places. I can't even begin to describe what an encouraging, funny, and hopeful story this was for me. The amazing performances, directing, and writing have already been lauded, but I want to praise the absolute lack of pretention and complete honesty of every scene. This didn't feel like a movie, it felt like life. 10/10

Dark Night of the Scarecrow (1981 TV Movie)

Highly recommended.

[8/10 · 30 October 2000]

I was completely impressed with this early 80s TV movie. It features an outstanding script that echoes the later "Pumpkinhead" in its revenge/mysticism thematics. High production values, strong performances (especially by Charles Durning, who plays the creepiest postal worker you'll ever meet), subtle writing, and grisly (by TV standards) murders all give this pluses in my book. Plus it's got authentic location shooting and early 80s ambiance, and a murder scene that was ripped off four years later (in Witness.) Highly recommended and much better than I expected. 8/10. P.S. It's true, Durning never changes his clothes!

New Nightmare (1994)

Even better than the original.

[8/10 · 17 October 2000]

I would vote for this film (along with the much-maligned The Blair Witch Project)as the best horror film of the 1990s. There is an amazing tension that exists in each and every scene. It's horrible and indescribable, like something bad is about to happen, but the characters can't stop it. The post-modern aspect of the film is fascinating in itself, but more importantly, the horror scenes are actually SCARY, and Freddy has been given a new, tougher look (and biomechanical hand) which is really effective. Even the scene where Dylan climbs to the top of the jungle gym, reaching toward the sky, makes me jittery just thinking about it. The earthquakes and Hansel & Gretel references also were an interesting part of the movie for me. The first time I saw the film I had some qualms about the last 15 minutes, but upon further viewings, the last sequence fits the themes of the movie well, and it really does feel like a nightmare world. I would recommend this movie to fans of the series as well as serious students of film who haven't seen this, Wes Craven's best movie. 9/10.

The Last Broadcast (1998)

Awful Ending Sinks Otherwise Interesting Flick

[4/10 · 9 October 2000]

I wanted to throw my TV out the window after witnessing the last ten minutes of this film. Although there was hardly any information about the Jersey Devil that the dudes were searching for, there were moments of creativity as well as some seriously creepy ones (especially the jumpy, mangled footage of the discovery of the bloody patch in the snow.) I was willing to forgive some of the loose ends and awful acting (especially the monotone filmmaker guy) because the rest of the movie was half-way interesting. But that ending was abrupt, embarrassing, and inappropriate, compared to what came before. For me, The Blair Witch Project was far more consistent and effective. 4/10.

Ladybird Ladybird (1994)

Wow.

[9/10 · 14 September 2000]

My jaw was on the floor throughout this film. I was amazed at the intensity of Crissy Rock's performance and I was aghast at all of the horrible things that she had to endure. Vladimir Vega's subtle work as Jorge should be given an equal amount of credit. The emotional honesty in this movie is amazing and I had to pause the VCR a couple of times because I was so shaken up. Definitely worth your time, and an excellent introduction to the work of a worthy director.

Shocker (1989)

An embarrassment to humanity.

[2/10 · 5 September 2000]

Man, when Wes Craven slums, he really falls HARD. This is an atrocious movie that rips off The Hidden and not to mention Craven's own Nightmare On Elm Street and tries to pass itself off as being original. Has Craven been hanging around Brian DePalma, the original ripoff artist??? There is so much plot here, it seems like the film is 5 hours long. There is no suspense, no terror, just a lot of unconvincing special effects, half-developed satire, and nonstop violence. Plot twists are unbelievable and there is no emotional investment in the characters whatsoever. This is a shameless bunch of hooey that Craven must've written in 9th grade. I much prefer The Hills Have Eyes or Nightmare on Elm Street instead. 2/10.

Jesus' Son (1999)

Best Film of the Year

[10/10 · 18 August 2000]

It's been a while since I've left a movie completely hopeful and rejuvenated. This is, by far, the best film I've seen in this (horrible) movie-going year-- it actually improves upon its source material in imaginative and truthful ways and uses perfect casting (especially Crudup in the lead role) to enhance the story. This film is full of memorable scenes, profound moments, and most of all, guts and truth. 10/10.

Hell Night (1981)

An Enjoyable 'Scooby Doo' episode- Rated 'R'!

[7/10 · 5 June 2000]

What impressed me the most about this "slasher" movie is I honestly cared about the characters and felt bad when they died! That never happens with me & horror movies-- usually the characters are annoyingly lamebrained oversexed fools and I can't wait for them to get axed. HELL NIGHT has much going for it, including an amiable atmosphere, enthusiastic & easy-going performances (especially by the Boom Mic, who I thought deserved an Academy Award for his brief but frequent appearances), decent sets (including the outdoor ones, a bit reminiscent of The Shining), and villains who I swear looked straight out of SCOOBY DOO. (Not that that's a BAD thing, but it's just not too scary.) I honestly thought the script was well-constructed and funny and character exposition was given in an unobtrusive but helpful way (i.e. Linda Blair working as a mechanic.) There is absolutely nothing new or groundbreaking in HELL NIGHT, but it's a sterling example of how to polish up an old apple and make it look appealing and new-- and taste good. (Sorry for that awful metaphor...) Contrary to what others might tell you, Vincent Van Patten really grew on me, and I loved that surfing scene. He's my boy! Rating: 7/10.