Cobra-10 Reviews

Ghoulies Go to College (1990 Video)

Stupidly funny

[8/10 · 1 June 2007]

I love these kind of movies.

This is definitely the best of the 4 "Ghoulies" movies, by a wide margin. The other ones just aren't nearly entertaining enough, although they are stupid.

Just to give an example of the type of humor here, there's one scene where the professor (Kevin McCarthy) says something like "If you do not quit these moronic pranks, the axe will fall", then cuts to a scene where they're chopping up a pizza with an axe at a frat party and drinking tons of beer. Great!

Another scene that comes to mind is where the Ghoulies break into the kitchen of the frat house, open the refrigerator, stare at the awe of the 2000 cans of beer, and proceed to topple the stack and get buried. Of course they "drink" their way out of the pile.

The Concorde... Airport '79 (1979)

Responsible for the Concorde's demise

[1/10 · 14 April 2003]

Ok, that might not be true. But one has to wonder whether watching Airport '79 will, in the future, bring back feelings of nostalgia for the mighty aircraft that will be retired after May 31.

The biggest problem with the movie as I see it is the failure to adhere to the laws of physics and other technical flaws. One redeeming quality though is the presence of George Kennedy as the captain, who has starred in some of my favorite horror and science-fiction films. Alas, I can see why many people don't find him or this film to be so endearing.

It's sad that now I will probably never be able to fly on a Concorde or any aircraft that flies at Mach 2. I've always wanted to, especially after I first saw Airport '79.

Stealing Harvard (2002)

Pleasantly Inane

[9/10 · 17 September 2002]

Based on the facts that Bruce McCulloch directed and Tom Green is one of the main stars, I predicted months ago that critics were going to dislike it. I must have a different sense of humor than the critics; I laughed throughout much of the film mostly at the inanity as I do with a lot of movies along these lines. Seeing Bruce McCulloch himself toward the end was a bonus. I had to laugh at the way he acted, much like the way he did on Kids in the Hall.

Overall, it was an enjoyably stupid comedy. Kudos to Bruce! 9 out of 10

Blood Freak (1972)

"All we did was do..give this guy some turkey"

[1/10 · 25 July 2002]

There are very few horror films that could make me laugh as much as "Blood Freak". The cinematography, script, and especially the ACTING in "Blood Freak" are so mind-blowingly awful that I still laugh at it even after seeing it 50 times. My favorite actors are the guy that owns the turkey farm and his two scientists. Their complete lack of emotion and their stumbling over their own lines (among other things) make me suspect that this movie only filmed ONE TAKE of each scene, regardless of mistakes.

I simply LOVE "Blood Freak" and never get tired of it. I even dig the '70s styling and funky soundtrack. There really aren't any other films like this out there.

I highly recommend "Blood Freak" to fans of unintentional hilarity. It is hard to find this film, but it's worth searching for it.

Soultaker (1990)

Not that bad

[7/10 · 11 March 2002]

I saw the original version of "Soultaker" and I'd say that it really isn't that bad on its own, and is a masterpiece compared to the countless excruciatingly bad films I've seen. At least this one did a fairly decent job of creating suspense and holding my attention. Not to say it's great; it has some of the typical bad movie elements. I think that "Legend of the Roller Blade 7" would have been a more appropriate Joe Estevez movie for the MST3K guys to rip apart as opposed to "Soultaker". Watch "Legend of the Roller Blade 7" and "Werewolf" (another Joe Estevez flick, also on MST3K) and compare those two to "Soultaker" and I think you'll see that "Soultaker" doesn't come close to the badness of the other two.

The Misery Brothers (1995)

Unwatchable. Grade: F-

[1/10 · 16 November 2001]

Even Pat Morita (who I thought was funny in such low-grade films as "Night Patrol") can't save this piece of trash from being anything but utter unwatchable garbage. I can't believe I watched the entire thing. I believe there's a sequel to this debacle but there's no way I'm checking it out after seeing this wretched mess. It's not even funny for bad movie buffs. F-

The Towering Inferno (1974)

Quite a thriller; bound to resurge in popularity...again!

[1 October 2001]

I remember this movie used to be shown on TV quite a lot around '94-'95 because of the fact that O.J. Simpson was the top headline at the time and this was his debut movie. Now, in all likelihood, they'll start showing this movie often again in light of the recent terrible tragedy in New York City and the fact that this movie deals directly with the issue of the difficulties of evacuating a burning high-rise building.

This movie does function well as a horror film. I remember being afraid of going into high-rise buildings for a while after seeing it the first time, and I wasn't even that young--about 17 or 18. I wish that the World Trade Center had such huge water tanks at the top...

Zeisters (1986)

Nutzoid is as Nutzoid does

[1/10 · 21 August 2001]

This film is so inane it will blow your mind. If you want to clear out your living room at a party, put this in the VCR and watch people leave the room one by one. I've cleared many a room with this video. It does have its super-inane moments that may entertain you, depending on your sense of humor: several quaaludes scenes (one with a quaalude being tossed about and then a minute later a whole bag of 'ludes is spilled all over the floor by the title character), the ultra-inane laughing scene toward the end between Rog and his lawyer, and, if you have the collector's edition of this film, the interview between Lloyd Kaufman (Troma Pres.) and John Golden, director of this opus. If you decide to rent this, you will likely get a funny look from the video store clerk. Recommended for those who like films that are way, way out there.

Freddy Got Fingered (2001)

Absolutely Hilarious

[10/10 · 30 April 2001]

I can only ponder why many people thought this movie was utter garbage. Perhaps they were expecting some sort of traditional movie with traditional humor. Or maybe they know of Tom Green and so they were expecting something that was quite over the edge, but still following the conventional guidelines of a movie. "Freddy Got Fingered" is way over the edge, though. It smashes through boundaries which many of us think would never be broken, resulting in some of the funniest material in history. Fortunately, certain people, like me, can enjoy the kind of humor that basically made the film.

I'll admit that this wasn't so much of a movie, per se, as it was a 1-1/2 hour laugh-fest. While not every single gag was side-splittingly funny, some of the gags were so unbelievably and hilariously inane that I couldn't sit down because I was laughing so hard. The best example I can think of was the sausage/keyboard scene. I dropped half my popcorn all over the floor because I couldn't control myself laughing.

All I can say is that I feel sorry for anyone who didn't like this movie at least for its humor. I'll bet a lot of people deep down thought that this movie was hilarious but were too embarrassed to admit that this kind of humor is funny and so dismissed it as infantile, sophomoric and crude. I guess its their loss. This was truly one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. For its humor value alone, I give this movie a 10/10.

Snuff (1975)

¡Dios mio!

[1/10 · 5 January 2001]

"Snuff" is quite laughably bad. Lame acting, idiotic dialogue, terrible voice-overs, and poor picture quality (even for 1971) is strongly evident here. Bad movie buffs will undoubtedly like this one.

The movie begins with a cokehead next to a rusted-out train and chicks on motorcycles with a faux-Steppenwolf soundtrack (it sounds like the beginning of "Born to Be Wild") in the background that repeats ad nauseum and can be heard at various times throughout the film. From then on it is a violent war among drug dealers. There are many murder scenes involving knives, guns, and even jigsaws, all of which are poorly staged and very humorous. There was one particular scene where the biker chicks go to a local store and give the clerk quite a scare; you have to see the expression on his face when he says, "¡Dios mio!". The chicks then notice a car outside and, in a very silly manner, do away with the occupants.

The end is an obvious fabrication of a supposedly real mutilation of a woman, who is supposedly one of the actresses in the "film" that has lead up to this point. I might have been grossed out if it looked more real. The entire premise that this final killing scene is a behind-the-scenes pointless death experience of an actress that played in the film is completely ridiculous.

Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman (2000 Video)

What a trip!

[4/10 · 18 December 2000]

Having already seen the original "Jack Frost", I never thought that "Jack Frost 2" would be as absurd as it is. Boy was I wrong! Then again, A-PIX movies have a way of showing unbelievably bad material, even worse than you might expect. I believe this is the first A-PIX sequel, and it may be an indication of what to expect in the future: more A-PIX sequels.

It's hard to watch this without laughing, especially during the later parts of the movie in which Jack Frost's offspring (which are essentially snowballs with eyes, arms, a mouth and sharp teeth) start killing people with the typical comedic dialogue and silly voices to go with it. They are shown both as puppets (with a stick underneath to move them) and as computer animation, which I have to say looks very cheesy. The computer animation surprised me, as the first "Jack Frost" had no such effects.

I'd strongly recommend that you see the original "Jack Frost" before seeing this one (both of which it would be preferable to watch with a group of friends) to get the full amusement out of it, and because it would make more sense ("sense" being a relative term).

Now only if there was "Uncle Sam 2"...

Rubberface (1981 TV Movie)

Huge piece of filmic fu**ery

[1/10 · 6 November 2000]

The cover for this movie is one of the biggest pieces of bull**it I've ever seen. I saw the cover, and figured, "Oh, it's got Jim Carrey, it must be at least marginally funny." Boy was I wrong. This is even more bull**it than the movie, "Going Overboard," in which Adam Sandler in his early days brings us a crappy movie that you wouldn't expect to come from him. "Rubberface", however, is 1000 times worse! Not only is Jim Carrey (or anyone else in this movie) not even remotely funny, but he's not even the main character. He's in the movie for a couple minutes!

Just to show you how execrable this movie is, I'm one of the few people that gave good reviews to movies such as "Meatballs III" and "It's Pat". I'm a pretty tolerable person when it comes to movies, even ones that the majority of people consider to be terrible. But "Rubberface" is sh*t. Pure, 100% sh*t. Actually, it's even worse than s**t. I can't explain to you how robbed I felt by this worthless entity beneath a pile of feces!

Meatballs III: Summer Job (1986)

Sophomoric in a good way

[9/10 · 3 November 2000]

I can't believe the myriad of negative comments and reviews I've seen for "Meatballs III". It, like most other Canadian summer-camp movies, are meant to provide cheap laughs in a stupid way and weren't really made for people to analyze the plot, character development, etc. If you don't like sophomoric humor, then you should have known better than to watch it in the first place. Not everybody likes the trite, dry, boring humor of typical big-production films. Movies like "Meatballs III" provide relief from such ennui.

I remember seeing "Meatballs III" on USA back around 1990, and have loved it since, especially because back then I was still a teenager and this is the kind of movie that a teenage boy would probably like. I remember while watching it my mom came downstairs and told me to turn off "that garbage", and I liked it even more.

On a side note, there was an episode of SNL (when Jeff Goldblum hosted) in 1993 where David Spade, as Karl the video store clerk, recommends "Meatballs III" to Rob Schneider. Of course I had to laugh at that.

Oddballs (1984)

Total Nonsense

[8/10 · 30 October 2000]

This is one of the most intellectually-devoid movies I have ever seen. The cover mentions that this movie was made in an attempt to ride the "Meatballs" fad of the '80s. The "characters" include an incoherent drunk "grandpa" camp owner, three horny adolescents who look everywhere for sex (especially for the owner's blond granddaughter, who reminds me of "Blondie"), a homosexual aerobics instructor who has a heart attack after sniffing two poppers and exercising to death, some white guy with an afro and a huge lizard on his shirt (i.e. making fun of the "izod" shirts of the '80s), and too many more to list. This movie is so ridiculous I can't even begin to delineate the absurdities that happen throughout the movie. Not to say that it is bad; I laughed at several scenes because they were so absurd. In one nonsensical scene, after the kids learn that grandpa sold the camp to the evil antagonist, the camera zooms in on a plate of breakfast arranged to make a stupid face (e.g. eggs for eyes, sausage lips, etc.) twice, with cartoon sound effects. It made no sense whatsoever. If you like nonsense, then "Oddballs" is a surefire winner.

It's Pat: The Movie (1994)

Better than most people say

[9/10 · 21 April 2000]

Pat was the SNL sketch that turned me into an avid SNL watcher since 1991. I've also been an avid Ween fan since 1993 (most people I asked never heard of Ween), but I didn't even know that Ween was in this movie until I saw it the first time. I practically had an orgasm! Not only is this an SNL move based on one of my favorite skits, but it features a special guest appearance by one of my favorite bands. I wish that the movie had been advertised more when it came out so I could have seen it in the theater. Sure, it won't win an oscar, but then again I would honestly much rather sit through this movie twice than sit through "Titanic" once. You have to be my type of person to like this movie; a person who likes rampant silliness, sight gags, repetitive jokes, and general inanity, the kind of stuff that you'd see on Kids In The Hall, SNL, Strangers With Candy, etc. And since I love Kids In The Hall, the appearance of David Foley in "It's Pat" is a bonus.

Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (1987)

Great off-the-wall inanity!

[9/10 · 13 January 2000]

You have to be the kind of person that likes screwball comedies to enjoy this one. I remember seeing this in the theater when I was 9 and I just rented it recently (I'm now 22) and laughed my ass off. The idiotic antics of Lt. Proctor (I wonder where he is now?) are what makes the movie so great. I loved the scene where he is dropped off in an exposed porta-pot into a stadium and he rises for the national anthem with his pants down. Or the scene where the new recruits are standing at attention and Capt. Harris catches David Spade chewing gum and says "I hope that wasn't bubble gum" and then Proctor sees Spade blowing a bubble and says "It's definately gum sir...bubble gum...cherry I think." If you like this kind of inanity then you will love Police Academy 4. I still can't get the opening song ("Citizens on Patrol") out of my head.

Knowhutimean? Hey Vern, It's My Family Album (1983 Video)

Some good parts, some inane parts.

[9/10 · 23 June 1999]

Ernest shows us a story of several of his unique relatives (all played by Varney). Some of the scenes are entertaining while others seem overwrought.