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Reviews
Dungeons & Dragons (2000)
What the...?
The spirit of Ed Wood is alive and well in this adaption of the classic role-playing game. You'll not find a funnier movie this year.
The movie is, simply about an evil wizard who tries to get an powerful artifact in order to rule the world or some such story. This wizard, Profilon, played by Jeremy Irons has mystical powers, such as the ability to craft long, overly-melodramatic speeches and overact at every turn. Hilarious! His sidekick, the loveable blue lipstick-wearing level 17/15 dual-classed lackey/goth, Damodar, played by Bruce Payne, runs around trying to find the heroes, the magic item, the map, and dignity, while accompanied by a thinly-veiled Imperial March.
Meanwhile, a bunch of heroes also try to find the magic rod (eh...) for some reason. There's Marina, the relatively useless mage who stands by idly while the hero, Ridley fights the bad guys. Ridley is accompanied by the obligatory Wayans Brother and special friend, Snails. There's also a dwarf, Elwood Blues, and an elf, Norda, both of who are along for the ride as long as they don't have to do anything useful to help Ridley. The latter has a Star Trek communicator that allows her face to appear in a magic mirror, mirror on the wall of Thora Birch, who wields the power of golden dragons and Liberache's wardobe. On their travels, they meet the King of Thieves, Nilus, who leads them all in a rousing rendition of "Time Warp" (well, maybe not), a talking skeleton in the cave on Dagobah, and an elven healer. The Doctor is also accompanied by two creepy little Phantom of the Opera understudies who give Ridley a magical lightsaber +1 which he uses to battle his enemies while the other heroes sit on a log and take a nap.
Oh, and of course this movie couldn't be called Dungeons and Dragons without dragons. You see, dragons are mystical creatures engineered by McDonnell Douglas who shoot each other down and eat people. They're also equipped with magical fireball missiles with which to take out surface targets. The movie ends when everybody, hero and villain, dies.
Be that as it may, my review isn't that negative. This movie may not be good, but it's a lot of fun in the so bad it's good way. The effects are good for the budget, especially when it comes to magic, and the dragons are pretty good for low-end CGI. Throw in the over-blown dialogue and good clean enthusiasm from the writers and director, and the over-the-top performances (especially by the funny Jeremy Irons, inspired by the melodramatic Bond villains of yesteryear) and you've got yourself something you might enjoy, provided the movie is at a discount price and the rest of your $8 goes to liquor. Why are you reading my review anyway? Either you're a fanboy and are going to see it or not, so if you do go, try to have fun, because that'd what the movies are for.
Evil Dead II (1987)
Groovy.
What can I say about Evil Dead II? The movie is the very definition of cool. It's a hilarious horror movie (usually the best kind). While not my favorite film in the series (Army of Darkness has my vote, narrowly beating out this one), it does have the single funniest scene ("Give me back my hand!"). If you're in the mood for something bizarre and saturated with grooviness, buy, don't rent Evil Dead II.
The Thirteenth Floor (1999)
Pretty Good
The 13th Floor was pretty enjoyable. The best part about it is that it relies on storytelling and acting, instead of meaningless action and special effects. It was good albeit somewhat predictable. It's easy to figure out what's going to happen, although it doesn't take away much. If you're in the mood for a good dramatic sci-fi movie, check it out.
Wing Commander (1999)
Come on, it was pretty good.
I'm a big Wing Commander fan, but was disappointed to hear a lot of negative reviews of the movie. I wasn't too sure what to expect. After seeing it, I'm happy to say that it was pretty good, especially for a low budget. It has what I always look for the most in the movie: I had fun seeing it. My one big criticism though is of the changes made from the games, such as the characters. A lot of them were completely different from what we know of them, including some adopting their call signs as last names. I would have liked to learn more about the characters and their histories, as well as learn about the Pilgrim War. Also, why is the ship called the "Tiger Claw?" I could nitpick about the slight differences (and the typo in Tolwyn's communication), but just make sure to try and go into the movie fresh, not in a mind on the games, and I think the average movie goer will enjoy it.
Uchû Kaisokusen (1961)
Prince of Space...Chief
All right, what the #$^# could ANYBODY be thinking that made this movie. It's actually worse than "Prince of Space." The dubbing on the kids is far more annoying than Krankor's laugh. Oh yeah, the reason I'm comparing these two is because they're the SAME movie!
This movie isn't all bad, though. It does have some nice cameos, such as the one made by the Fürher himself, Adolf Hitler. Plus it introduces us to stop-short-from-ten-feet-away fighting.
Well, I'm going to seek revenge on the idiots who made this movie. See you later.
Yûsei ôji (1959)
You're weapons cannot harm me! Unfortunately this movie can.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
If Phantom of Krankor (or as MiSTies affectionately call him, just plain ol' Krankor) really wanted to destroy Earth he would unleash this movie on us.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
I can't think of anything to say except that the movie seems to be missing something that made Neptune Men something that truly made me want to wretch. Annoying dubbing? Nope, it had that, although maybe not the annoying kids' voices. A stupid hero with the word "space" in his title? Had that too. I know! How about a Stalin Building?!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hack hack cough cough!
Unlike bootblocking, which I like very much, I hate this movie!
"Does this call for a ha ha ha? Nah, I'll save it for later."
Babylon 5 (1993)
The best (dramatic) televion show.
Babylon 5 is simply the greatest television show ever IMO. No other show has given us a complete story with action, adventure, and most importantly invokes so many emotions as B5 has. This show will be missed...
Dark City (1998)
Cool, but WEIRD.
This is one of the strangest movies I've seen in a long time. Actually, let me re-phrase that, this is one of the strangest, original, and best movies I've seen in a while. It has an interesting plot, a great feel, and it will keep you guessing until the end (in response to the question, what's going on here?). I thought it was good, but it's not for everybody. Don't see it if you're expecting a quick resolution, a simplistic, or the feel-good comedy of the season.
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
BAD is an understatement...
This has my vote for the worst movie ever made. There could be worst movies, but I doubt it. The only thing good about it is that is was on MST3K. If you get the chance, see that version of it...you won't believe how bad the movie is, plus you'll have a good time laughing.