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Reviews
Raiders of the Damned (2007)
Bad is good!
Please, people! You can't judge this "film" simply on the merits of its acting and screen writing! It's really all a matter of taste.
Think about it. If you happen to *like* bad movies then this would be a *good* movie, now wouldn't it? Ever seen "Showgirls"? "Godfather III"? Classics! And this one is worse - which makes it better!! Get it? Hey, even "War of the Worlds", starring Tom Cruise and directed by Steven Spielberg blew chunks! And that one cost at least 400 times more than this film. And the producers of "Raiders" didn't try to shove some nutty religion down your throat in some tent on the set of the movie. Well...frankly...they could't really afford a tent. But if they could, they would never try to fill your little brain with such nonsense.
And this movie has a sword. And Richard Grieco. "21 Jump Street" rules! Hey, what ever happened to that DeLuise guy and the cool Asian butt-kicker guy? That was such a cool show. But even they didn't have swords.
I say...see it and judge for yourself. Then, go out and rent it (or buy it if you're smart) and invite your friends over and have a rad double feature with "Showgirls". If you're even smarter, you'll show "Killer Bees" with Michael Caine as a bonus. Or "Trog"! "Trog" is awesome! Hey, if Academy Award nominee Joan Crawford can do a movie with a savage, prehistoric caveman, you can cut this movie some slack and grab some popcorn and have a little Saturday night fun.
This movie kicks Zombie booty!
Riding the Bus with My Sister (2005)
Abbott and Costello would be proud...
Director Angelica Huston should know better. Her father was the master of encouraging subtle performances. So why did she allow Rosie to go so far over the top? Could it be because someone allowed Rosie to produce this heartless piece of twaddle? The screaming Lou Costello voice (I kept expecting her to blurt out "Abbbbbbottttttt!"), the annoying affectations with little or no basis in reality, the face-making...Rosie should be embarrassed. Her performance is an insult to the mentally challenged everywhere. Andie MacDowell's comatose counterpoint of a performance was nearly unwatchable. At least I was able to snooze during her scenes - that is, until Rosie started hollering again.
The Canadian cast was flat and uninspired and the north-of-the-border locations didn't help, giving the production a feeling of being phony and just a little bit out of sync. Why can't Hollywood make movies in the US? Music was schmaltzy, production values were unremarkable. I did, however, like some of the commercials. At least those featured American actors, were shot in the US - and nobody was yelling like a wounded walrus.
Stigmata (1999)
No Story in the Onebigmusicvideo...
At times visually exciting, it's just not enough to save this 90 minute+ music video. Mostly one big yawn of a movie, it's neither scary, nor intriguing. Unlike THE EXORCIST of 26 years ago, which featured an amazing ensemble cast, and was masterfully helmed by William Friedkin, a true actors' director, this lame attempt to generate a suspenseful yarn fails in the most basic, yet most serious ways.
There is the flimsiest of storylines, and the connection between any of the actors is completely missing. The director, while making sure every scene was lit properly, and that the correct lenses were being used, forgot that there are two things that must exist to make a film exciting; one is a great script, and the second is great acting. Sadly, this movie had neither; and no amount of rain or smoke or blood could hide the fact that Patricia Arquette was terribly miscast, or that the talent of Jonathan Pryce and Gabriel Byrne were mostly wasted. I laughed outloud when Gabriel Byrne's character talked of being a scientist in the quest to "fill the holes" that existed in the history of humankind. He should have started with the script.
Soundtrack by Billy Corgan is intrusive, busy and annoying, hitting the viewer over the head like an MTV hammer, and only serves to underscore each music video-style vignette instead of enhancing the drama (or lack thereof).
Director Rupert Wainright would do well to stick to commercials and music videos. This would have made a great three and a half minute movie. Unfortunate for me, I sat through the whole thing, and found myself wishing that I'd rather have nails pounded through my hands and feet.
Prospects for the success of STIGMATA are dim. Good opening weekend, but word of mouth will kill this poor attempt at a religious thriller and send it to Cinema Heaven (or Hell) where it belongs.
Two bloody, impaled thumbs down.