SWhite Reviews

Terri (2011)

Sorry, But Terri Stinks On Ice

[21 September 2011]

I'm wondering if some of the other reviewers here saw a different film than I did. I love quirky indy films and John C. Reilly. And I was a fat kid in school (decades ago) so knew I'd be rooting for the overweight young protagonist. I didn't see how I could go wrong here.

But the film has virtually no story (is it supposed to add "authenticity" that Terri's life situation and his Uncle's health condition are never explained?), no real character arcs, and nothing has really advanced at the point that the credits unexpectedly (but not unwelcomely) roll.

Jacob Wysocki, in the lead role, might be a decent actor...but there's nothing here that would give him a chance to show it. He basically is an over-sized catatonic in pajamas for the entire film.

John C. Reilly gives a sturdy and believable performance, but isn't really given anything to do. He's a good enough actor to create a character we can almost care about, but we've seen him do "likeable shlub" in other films to better effect.

The most pleasant surprise in the film was Creed Bratton, best known from "The Office," playing Terri's uncle. He gives a quietly dignified performance that feels so real that it is immensely moving, but also feels like it belongs in a (much) better film.

Others here have liked the film, and if you do too then more power to you. But I found it to be an annoyingly pretentious and pointless waste of time.

Barney's Night Before Christmas (1999 Video)

A Terrific Collection of Holiday Memories and Melodies

[10/10 · 3 September 2003]

This is quite likely the BEST of the Barney videos - and one that is likely to become a cherished family favorite. Not just for the tiniest tots, but for any adult who still remembers the magic of preparing for Christmas...the joys of Christmas Eve...and the dream of meeting Santa in all his glory!

This video boasts higher production values than any other Barney production that springs to mind, and is filled end to end with favorite holiday songs and images. The humor and heartfelt sentiments are both sophisticated enough to entertain the whole family, even while keeping the smallest viewers satisfied.

Whatever you want in a Christmas video, it's here: Santa's magical workshop, decorating the Christmas tree, carolers in the snow, the Nutcracker Suite...it goes on and on. And all with the loving, laughing and positive values that have made this series such a favorite of children AND parents!

I give Barney's "Night Before Christmas" my highest rating!

Catch Me If You Can (2002)

Stay Awake If You Can

[2/10 · 28 December 2002]

Perversely, this movie would actually have to be better for me to dislike it. As it is, it's just too boring to care about. Good cast and crew, likeable production values, no complaints there - but there's also no story, no believability, no suspense, no interest, no ANYTHING.

Leonardo DiCaprio gives a one note performance in which he looks cute (whoa - THERE'S an Oscar caliber stretch, huh?) but tells us nothing about the character. Tom Hanks apparently decided to give nothing to this performance except some extra time at an all-you-can eat buffet. He's a slightly chubby cop obsessed with catching Leo for no particular reason; he doesn't even dislike Leo, nor is anyone else in the FBI apparently even interested in catching this "master criminal."

But worst of all, Leo's character impersonates a doctor, a pilot, and a criminal attorney...and yet we don't see him get caught in a tight scrape even once. As this is a real life story, surely the real Frank Abagnale had many hilarious or suspensful "near misses" - so why have they all been cut from this film? Leonardo postures in costumes; Hanks follows at a walking pace (with virtually no police procedural techniques shown); no one particularly cares if Leo's character is ever caught or not. (Worse still, in the opening five minutes of the film, you ALREADY KNOW whether or not he got caught, and who (if anyone) caught him). Peg this one at "zero" on the old suspense meter.

This seemed like a not particularly well-done TV movie, done for not a particularly prestigious network. A definite disappointment for all involved (even John Williams' score is lame). I'd say to wait for this one to hit the 99¢ rental rack...and then "Catch It If You Must."

Bad Company (2002)

Bad Company? Bad Movie!!!

[1/10 · 29 May 2002]

Sometimes you see a movie which obviously got slammed together by a bunch of deal-makers with nary a thought (or clue) about what it would take to entertain an audience. So it is with "Bad Company," which is at least aptly named.

The "story" is one cliche after another, with plenty of bullets flying (you know the sort - with the bad guys shooting machine guns and never hitting anyone; the good guys standing calmly in the line of fire and picking off the bad guys with their revolvers).

On paper, pairing Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins probably seemed great (the studio moguls no doubt thought this could be another "48 Hours" or "Beverly Hills Cop"). Unfortunately, no one created characters for the leads to play. Rock (who seems more talented than the material) is sometimes streetwise, smart and cool...yet at other times shrieks and mugs shamelessly like Stepin Fetchit. Hopkins character is utterly unreadable. Other characters are strictly of the cookie-cutter variety. You won't know their names...or care.

This is an action comedy with no laughs, no suspense, sub-par production values, and a storyline which is uncomfortable (if not downright distasteful) in these post 9/11 times. "Bad Company" is a bad time at the movies. VERY bad.

Wild Wild West (1999)

Wild Wild WORST

[1/10 · 4 July 1999]

When a movie is this bad, it's hard to know where to begin. There is not a single laugh, a single surprise, or a single moment of real entertainment in the entire film. How such a talented group of people managed to spend $160 million on such a godawful train wreck is almost inconceivable. The script is witless, relying almost entirely on jokes about breasts (hypnotic, fire-spitting, buckwheat-filled, or used as jungle drums) and genitalia (throbbing phallic machines, allusions to mechanical devices, Will Smith burying his face in Kevin Kline's crotch, etc). Selma Hayek is utterly wasted, as are the usually talented Smith and Kline. Kenneth Branagh tries hard and is the best thing in the film - but can't overcome the dreadful material he's given to work with. I predict that business will plummet on the second weekend when word of mouth gets out. Avoid this dog at all costs.

My Life as a Dog (1985)

Unbelievably bad, and probably child porn

[1/10 · 6 March 1999]

My God - what a hideous excuse for a film! It seems more like a parody of bad foreign film than an ACTUAL bad foreign film.

A young boy suffers through a number of heartbreaking or simply incomprehensible events, then late in the film starts barking like a dog. But finally, while watching a molten glob of glass being thrust into a blast furnace, the young boy smiles when he realizes that despite all of life's woes, he can at least have sex with the 12 year old girl down the street.

Frankly, I think it flirts with child porn when the 12 year old girl exposes herself to dog-boy.

This is simply a random collection of images, by turns depressing, lewd, or simply bizarre. The only reason pseudo-intellectuals think there's a movie here is because it has subtitles.

Rushmore (1998)

Great Characters in Search of a Plot

[6/10 · 5 February 1999]

There's a lot to like about "Rushmore" - enough that I got my hopes up that it would be a better film. The characters are fresh and new, the humor quirky and offbeat...but the story wandered too much. The "hand of God" was too clear, in that the characters did amusing things that the screenwriter wanted them to, but not actions that arose out of the characters themselves. You may enjoy the film - but you'll have no idea WHY anyone is doing the things they do. There's plenty of talent on display here...but when you walk out into the light of day, the story falls apart completely. Rushmore is filled with promise, but unfortunately the promise isn't kept.