Change Your Image
Kielle
Reviews
Gen¹³ (1998)
Could have been better, but fun
On the downside, the animation was uninspired by the standards of other projects associated with Kevin Altieri (ie. Batman:TAS). I also found the lack of Burnout and Rainmaker (aside from two good cameos), though it wouldn't matter to anyone unfamiliar with the Gen13 comic, mattered a great deal to me even though I don't consider myself a huge Gen13 fan -- thus, I'm sure, this also had to have an impact on to anyone else watching this, seeing as the initial audience HAD to be fans.
Of the voice cast, only E.G. Daily seemed to really hit her stride as Roxy (you could hear the Buttercup 'tude shining through!), although Alicia Witt's Fairchild was endearing in her plain candor and Cloris Leachman's Helga was terribly amusing. However, I also feel that, no offense to Flea, but I never imagined Grunge sounding quite THAT dumb.
On the upside, it was highly amusing to watch the movie earn its "not-for-children" boundaries with the occasional cussword and plenty of cheesecake. ;) More seriously, the climactic sequence was worth the wait. We finally got to see Grunge kick some ass -- as always, the character is best when he stops being a doofus and actually uses his head (and powers) to help out his friends. Roxy's power manifestation was downright gorgeous -- and impressive. And Fairchild...well, she was about as spot-on as any appearance in the comics. Go, girl!
I wouldn't give this movie a high rating, but I wouldn't trash it either. It was...well, fun. Whereas I can see and understand why it didn't get a series, I do wonder if/how they would have brought in their other two teammates -- and if the cartoon would have had enough balls to maturely tackle a certain canon controversy surrounding Rainmaker after a season or two. I would have tuned in for that. ;)
Random Hearts (1999)
She cheated on you. GET OVER IT!
Well, there's two hours of my life gone...
It was my fault, really. It was my idea to rent it. The preview made the movie look like a suspense-thriller when in fact it's just a tepid romance...and I'm simply not a very romantic chick.
This movie starts out looking interesting but then quickly devolves into an uninteresting relationship between two uninteresting characters: the stereotypical "cop's cop" and the dishwater wannabe-senator. Even if you like romance (and I don't), the jarringly random chemistry between these two is about as exciting as tapwater.
And if you're expecting action or suspense, forget it. The "thriller" aspect alluded to in the preview never emerges, unless you count Dutch being a freaky, freaky little man. About halfway through I broke and started yelling at the screen "Why the hell do you care? She's DEAD! What do you expect to find, a diary outlining exactly why she didn't love you any more...?!" His obsession is not interesting -- it's ANNOYING. Ms. Chandler should get away from this potential stalker as quickly as possible...but doesn't, having all the common sense of a possum on a freeway.
And don't get your hopes up for the subplot about the crooked cop, either. If you think you can see where it's going...you're right.
To paraphrase MST3K: "The presence of Harrison Ford will not alleviate the pain in any way." I give it a four -- not bad enough for the Satellite Of Love, but not worth the tape it's recorded on.
Planet of the Apes (2001)
Disappointing
I admit that I've only seen the original for the first time this month (though I'd seen a making-of-the-series show and thus was aware of the basics), and I acknowledge that this new version is only supposed to be inspired BY the original -- not a faithful adaptation. Therefore I was prepared to accept the new movie on its own merits.
Even so, I walked out of the theater scratching my head and wondering why they'd bothered doing it at all.
Yes, I love Tim Burton. Yes, the costumes, make-up, and sets are amazing. Yes, it was fun, had some good lines, and featured some marvelous acting on the part of Helena Bonham Carter, who was remarkably believable in her chimpanzee-inspired mannerisms and movements.
Other than that...so what?
Without spoiling too much of either movie, I have to say that the message of the original was far more intelligent. It really made you stop and think: who's right, who's wrong, do we have any right to judge the apes or should we learn lessons about our own failings in theirs? This one was merely simplistic summer-movie fare, with a predictable plotline I was correctly forecasting as little as five minutes into the movie.
(Yes, and I easily guessed the "surprise twist ending" everyone is raving about. Yawn. You want a REAL surprise twist ending, go watch "Sixth Sense" or "Unbreakable.")
Last but not least, I find it interesting that Heston's character was likeable precisely because he WAS such a crusty cynical old b*****d. Wahlberg's "brash hotshot pilot" persona conforms to almost every "hero" stereotype in the book...and, thus, is entirely bland and uninteresting, though I do not knock him as an actor. I DO give the writer(s) full credit for not going the obvious route with the annoyingly "perfect leggy blonde" potential love interest, but other than that...well, not much I can say.
In short: rent the original and pretend you don't know the ending. You'll get your money's worth.
Batman: The Movie (1966)
Oh my...
I've seen this movie twice: once with a hyperactive pack of friends after a long exhausting day at the RenFaire and once last night with my unsuspecting fiance ("ohh, look, Batman!") Both times I laughed myself absolutely sick. This is a movie you either hate so badly that you need to throw up after five minutes of it or which you love so much that you force friends to watch it and subsequently are across-the-board banned from bringing videos to slumberparties.
What can I say? It's so bad it's good. Screamingly bad. Wonderfully bad. The kind of bad you know was created half on purpose by the twisted brains behind the show and half accidentally by the fact that Adam West takes his Batman SO! GOSH! DARN! SERIOUSLY! I love Adam West. Adam West is da man. Watch him play Batman -- he IS Batman. Not the grim, frightening, obsessive, just-damn-cool Dark Knight from the comics (whom I also love, and I curse the latter-day movies for effing him up so badly) but a Batman as he might have been in a lighter world where the villains steal gaudy trinkets and banks are filled with Monopoly money and nobody ever dies. (Except, apparently, for henchmen and Heroic Porpoises.) Half the humor in this movie (and the series) is how utterly oblivious Mr. West's Bruce Wayne seems to be to the madness all around him...
"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." Yeah, well, this is one bomb you won't want to get rid of, once you learn to relax and take it in the fun spirit in which it was meant. If you can't, go soften up your brain by watching "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" a few times.