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Flight of the Phoenix (2004)
This Phoenix needs doused
I had originally given this film a 4, but the more I thought about it for these comments, the lower my opinion became.
First, the soundtrack, both scored and tracked is awful. With the exception of the Johny Cash song during the opening title sequence, the rock music is so distracting that we had to mute the film several times.
The MTV-style editing was just as distracting as the music.
Additionally, there is a very strange portion in the middle of the movie where the film has an inexplicable color change. After throwaway character Kelly spots the smugglers, the film suddenly changes to a deep blue from then until Rodney is carried back to the crash site. It's obvious that this was originally shot as a day scene to match the wrapping scenes. But it's color timed as though someone thought it should have been a day-for-night shoot. Even Ian's hair is blue.
Most of the film is forgettable. As irritating as I normally find Giovanni Ribisi, he's actually the only "good" part of this film.
My last comment is that studios need to learn that rappers are not actors. I suppose they cast them assuming they'll at least get a few people into the auditorium, but they definitely cheapen the product.
My recommendation is that you skip this and watch the immeasurably better original 1965 version.
Derailed (2005)
One of 3 films I've walked out on
I ended up seeing this rather than the film I had planned, as the latter had sold out.
Clive Owen once again proves that sullen isn't the same thing as acting. Jennifer Anniston should learn the same lesson about smirking.
After nearly an hour, I'd forgotten this was supposed to be a thriller of some sort. Most of the time I spent with the film dealt with two yuppies yakking it up and then, inexplicably, sleeping together.
That was when I left. Everything in the film to that point has been so without motivation that I couldn't imagine it getting any better.
So, "Derailed" joins "Rocky" and "Santa Clause - The Movie" as the movies I've walked out on in the past 40 years.
The Miracle of the Cards (2001)
There's a word for it...
This is one of those movies for which the word maudlin is so appropriate.
A mawkish performance from Catherine Oxenberg is the least of the problems this film has to offer.
Everything but the "quest for cards" is given short shrift, including a sub-plot with a sibling who is feeling abandoned due to the attention his terminally ill brother is given. A 2-minute segment clears this up neat and tidy, with no hard feelings.
Ridiculous mystical events leads one to wonder why God doesn't spend his time healing the kid, rather than wasting photons lighting up pictures and letters.
If there's no re-run of Little House on the Prairie running, this may be an acceptable alternative, otherwise skip it.
Riverworld (2003)
Boy, what a shame...
Not that I expected anything more from the Sci-Fi Channel, but this is awful.
First, a suggestion to location scouts and producers - STOP FILMING IN NEW ZEALAND! Shooting in NZ is guaranteed to make your film look about as expensive as an episode of Xena or Hercules. And yes, I thought the new LOTR films looked very cheap, believe it or not!
Second suggestion - don't combine more than one book into a movie.
third suggestion - if you license a book, at least bother to try to follow the story and never create characters out of the blue.
Fourth suggestion - if you're approached by Sci-Fi channel about producing a film based on a popular (or not so popular) book, run away as fast as you can.
Fifth suggestion - hire actors that sound as though they may speak the same language/dialect as the character. Eg., I wouldn't normally expect a Jewish concentration camp victim to have a Scottish brogue.
General question: Why would anyone every hire an actor/actress who worked on Xena or Hercules?
Suggestion to all Riverworld fans - RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Do NOT watch this remarkably bad adaptation. Where is Mystery Science Theatre 3000 when you need it most?
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)
If you're not a fan, this won't change your mind
Like the first film, there's not much to recommend this film unless you're willing to overlook the terrible CG, lackluster script, maudlin direction, and generally bad acting.
Peter Jackson proves that he's not much of a director, simply resorting to slow motion to remind us that something terrible is about to happen (which is generally obvious in the juvenile script), while Howard Shore does the same with the music (if I had to hear the "ethereal" singing one more time during a battle scene, I might have been driven to insanity).
In spite of what people are claiming about Golum, he's no more convincing than the pixies in Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.
Worst of all dor a sequel, no recap is done for anyone who hadn't seen the first film. So in most theatres, you're bound to be sitting near a group of people who dragged a friend to this and have to explain what's going on throughout the film (eg. the show we saw had someone trying to explain why Frodo is important to the story even though his character has virtually nothing to do with the events depicted in Two Towers.)
I might only have given this film a 2, but for the fact that the scenes with the Ents were actually reasonably done.
Summary: For fans of Tolkien only.
The Monolith Monsters (1957)
Surprisingly good
Taken in the context of 50's sci-fi, this film is actually very good and is still entertaining today.
Good special effects, reasonable acting and a coherent script make this relatively unknown programmer a treat.
Firefly (2002)
Don't waste your time
This was one of the most poorly conceived and written shows I've ever seen. I doubt it will hold any interest for anyone older than 8 or 9. Of course, that may be the target audience for this literal western in space.
In five hundred years, humans haven't been able to develop anything better than 20th century shotguns and four wheelers.
Spielberg's "Earth 2" did a much better job of updating the western genre for the science fiction market.
Captain Horatio Hornblower R.N. (1951)
Minor quibbles, but a great film
OK, so once again an American plays the lead in a wholly British-themed vehicle. Gregory Peck does a great job as Hornblower and thankfully doesn't try to fool us with a British accent.
The major problem with this film is that it has yet to be released on DVD! Thank goodness my Laserdisc is holding up well.
Superman (1978)
Great first half, very good second half
This film still holds up very well after almost 25 years.
I recently had the chance to see the new theatrical cut at a local electric pleasure palace (The Ohio Theatre) and the the film was as good as I remembered it. Seeing a film in a theatre is a very different experience from seeing it on television or some video medium.
It's been about ten years since I saw the film theatrically and I still get the same vibe. The first half of the film (up through when Superman flies out of the fortress of solitude) is incredible and probably ranks as some of the best filmwork ever, particular Richard Donner's work as director and Geoffrey Unsworth's camera work. Some of John Williams' best music is in the first half of the film. Many people remember his main title theme, but "Death of Pa Kent" and "Leaving Home" are far better examples of what Williams is capable of.
Beginning with the introduction to Metropolis, the film takes a right turn into Mugville. I still enjoy the second half of the film, but it markedly different in tone from the first half. One has to wonder what the film would have been like if the film had stayed on the serious path of the first half. It's only for the oddness of the second half that I don't give this film a 10.
This is one you should definitely in a theatre with a large screen.
Clockstoppers (2002)
Poor adaptation of weak idea
Jonathan Frakes once again demonstrates why he shouldn't be directing any film, let alone one that's supposed to keep you awake for an hour and a half.
Even ignoring the obvious scientific issues surrounding hypertime, this film makes no attempt to be of interest to anyone other the most juvenile of 13 year olds, and even they were pretty restless judging by the audience in the theatre I saw this in. By the time fifteen minutes had passed, I wished I had a hypertime device to make the film pass more quickly.
If you're after an entertaining family film, watch the little seen "Meteor Man" and give this one a pass.
The Jackal (1997)
Stick with the original
There's nothing worse than a remake of a great film (The Day of The Jackal) than a remake of a great film where they change virtually everything that made the original great.
For example, in the original film the French police (lead by the underrated Michael Lonsdale) are perfectly capable of tracking the Jackal. In the remake, the combined efforts of the American FBI and Soviet military are no match for the Jackal.
For some reason, the Jackal in the remake uses a weapon that he has to move around in a minivan, while Edward Fox used a small sniper gun in the original that could be broken down into innocuous looking tubes which were then hidden in crutches! I think we can figure out who the more believable professional assassin is.
There's also the inexplicable addition in the remake of both an Irish terrorist (Richard Gere) and his former girlfriend who happens to be a Basque separatist!?!?
Nobody is particularly convincing in this film, though I'll give it one more point for the presence of Sidney Poitier. It's a shame he's wasted here.
Spider-Man (2002)
Poor effects, derivative action, but entertaining nonetheless
This film was an entertaining 2+ hours, though not nearly as much fun as Raimi's "Darkman".
In fact, several bits of action and dialog are lifted directly from Darkman.
The most unfortunate part of the film was the reliance on CG character animation. At no point does one ever believe that the vinyl-like characters are real people, a problem that is inherent in the current "state-of-the-art" effects film.
Babylon 5: The Legend of the Rangers: To Live and Die in Starlight (2002)
What's happened to Babylon 5?
Were this any other vehicle but Babylon 5, I might have ranked this higher than a three. Unfortunately, I've always expected more of B5, but JMS appears to have given up on the qualities that made B5 great viewing. Now it's almost impossible to distinguish B5 from the various Berman/Pillar Trek properties. Carefully selected, politically correct multi-racial bridge crews, pointless gimicks (Trek: holodeck, B5 LoTR: holo-targeting), marginal actors, and awful dialog ("Every day is a good day to die for you!"). Frankly, if it wasn't for some of the G'Kar interludes, this would have been a total waste of time.
Here's my suggestion -- watch the original series from beginning to end, the B5 movies proper, and skip Crusade and this debacle.
A Beautiful Mind (2001)
A 10 but for Jennifer Connelly
This movie was significantly better than I had expected and Russel Crowe does a very good job in the film.
The only drawback is Jennifer Connelly who does her usual emotionally vacant call-in performance. I'm not sure why they continue to hire her, but I can only assume the decision is made by the same people who give James Cameron work.
However, her character is mostly relegated to the background (maybe due to her weak performance) and doesn't detract terribly from the overall quality of the film.
A Beautiful Mind (2001)
A 10 but for Jennifer Connelly
This movie was significantly better than I had expected and Russel Crowe does a very good job in the film.
The only drawback is Jennifer Connelly who does her usual emotionally vacant call-in performance. I'm not sure why they continue to hire her, but I can only assume the decision is made by the same people who give James Cameron work.
However, her character is mostly relegated to the background (maybe due to her weak performance) and doesn't detract terribly from the overall quality of the film.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
Nothing new here...
If you're like me and feel that Tolkien is the Stephen King of the fantasy world (highly ranked, but a technically poor author) then this movie won't hold much appeal. The book at least let you use your imagination, while the movie utilizes the typically poor digital effects that have become de rigueur. In fact, the most effective scenes were those using one of the oldest effects techniques - forced perspective.
For those of you who found the various Tolkien books marginally interesting at best, give this movie a pass.
Shock Treatment (1981)
Consistently better than RHPS
While I'm a fan of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, I find Shock Treatment to be the better film. The music is as memorable as RHPS but a very different look and feel.
While RHPS dealt with the relatively benign subject of sexual liberation, this movie deals with a more insidious threat to humankind - the television. In light of modern colisseum shows like the awful Survivor and the even worse Big Brother, Shock Treatment is even more topical 20 years after it was originally made.
Many fans of RHPS don't like this film simply because it is so different from RHPS. In fact, I find RHPS pretty boring on its own. The story just doesn't do much for me. But Shock Treatment is handled like a real film, probably since it didn't come from an oddball stage production.
Cats & Dogs (2001)
Much more entertaining that people make it sound
We saw this recently, as we were in the mood for a light comedy. That's exactly what we got. In fact, it had some very funny segments that had me laughing out loud (which I rarely do.)
A lot of people have mentioned this is targeted at kids, but it had far fewer body function jokes than Shrek (in fact, C&D had only one joke that would normally be considered "ten year old humor".)
My recommendation, see the film regardless of what anyone says. If you're not sure, see it at a matinee.
Cast Away (2000)
Experience all 143 of its 143 minutes...
There are long movies that seem as though they were half the length because they were able to keep your attention and take you in to the films environ. "Cast Away" isn't one of them. "Cast Away" belongs to that select group of long films where you begin dreading the halfway point because there's still half left.
The film was technically sound, but disappointingly lacing in emotional context. There's very little done to make you care for the main character, though you do fell sorry that he wasn't smart enough to take the clothes from something that washes up on shore.
All in all, a dull film; not because it lacks action (it does) but because it just isn't that interesting or deep.
My suggestion, see "Lt. Robin Crusoe, U.S.N.".
Lola rennt (1998)
Too long for its own good
Much like "Being Joh Malkovich", this film is too long by far for its concept. Where they might be able to stretch BJM to perhaps an hour, "Lola Rennt" would have trouble at any running time longer than 30 minutes.
Keep your finger on the fast forward key and watch it when you're well rested.
Being John Malkovich (1999)
Not enougth story for the length
This was a good "concept" film that would have been served substantially better by a much shorter running time (60 minutes or less.)
It gets to the point in this where you just wonder how much longer they can stretch the concept.
Lola rennt (1998)
Too long for its own good
Much like "Being Joh Malkovich", this film is too long by far for its concept. Where they might be able to stretch BJM to perhaps an hour, "Lola Rennt" would have trouble at any running time longer than 30 minutes.
Keep your finger on the fast forward key and watch it when you're well rested.
Being John Malkovich (1999)
Not enougth story for the length
This was a good "concept" film that would have been served substantially better by a much shorter running time (60 minutes or less.)
It gets to the point in this where you just wonder how much longer they can stretch the concept.
Clerks (1994)
Save your time
If pointless drivel with no redeeming characters is your thing then this is your movie.
Otherwise, save your time and watch something better (Ace Ventura?). Even worse than the script and the acting was Smith's decision to try to give an "art" aspect to the film by shooting in black-and-white.
Uggh!
The Iron Giant (1999)
Nearly perfect animated film
This is a great film on several points. FOr one, there are no pointless musical numbers. For some reason, American production companies feel that all animated films must have musical numbers. This film thankfully has none.
Don't read further as the next comment is a possible spoiler:
I would have given this movie a 10 had it not been for the cop-out re-assembly ending. This would seem to be the only concession to the "mass market" in this film.