Change Your Image
Bobo-28
Reviews
Keyhole (2011)
Give it a miss.
This is the first movie by this director I have ever seen, but he appears to me to be desperately trying to imitate the feel of David Lynch. It seems derivative and stale.
The acting, however, is on the strong side; Patrick is credible as a specter in a doomed state seeking redemption, blind to other things (like kidnapping his own son). Editing and cinematography were crisp and professional.
The movie CLOCKWORK ORANGE or PORK'S both had less penis in it. Gratuitous penis? Yes, have some. I am sure the director was making a statement with constant penis symbols and direct shots thereof, but it comes off as crude and childish. Down with the patriarchy!!?
Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)
One of the WORST
This is a tepid little project badly shot, poorly acted, almost written with some attempt at minimal continuity, and continuously boring.
The acting of Alan Bagh is one of the most stilted performances ever caught on camera. he delivers lines poorly, misses several marks, and ends up portraying a character of questionable intellect. Even Jonathan Frakes has one up on this guy. This may be the most stilted performance ever.
Whitney Moore is not much better. She hits marks much better, and could be a sufficient supporting actress in future films if she keeps working at her technique. however, she still has a ways to go.
The computer animations in the film look as if they were done in the early 1980s. Minimal funds were spent to enhance the action around the actors.
Surrounding the characters, instead of unimportant elements like character development, storyline, or even anything interesting, is a series of far left wing environmentalist messages.
There is an entire scene about a solar-panel installation. This wastes some 5 to 7 minuets of the audiences time speak about the sale, haggling over the price and then the camera shows the roof of the house where, presumably, the panel will be installed. Genius! That a solar panel would be installed on the roof. Did the director really have to show us this? Really? Wow...
Then we have to listen to green races, green automobiles the actors drive, polar bears starving, the ice caps melting and so forth and so on. I wanted to watch a movie, no bet pelted with radical political rhetoric.
This movie makes me want to NOT do environmentally friendly things so the world might end and no more tepid movies like this are EVER made again.
One of the worst films I have ever seen.
Monsters (2010)
One of the worst movies of the last 50 years.
What the movie has going for it, that can be considered positive, is very beautiful scenery as the characters flee north out of "Mexico".
Both main actors do a fair job, but no better than that. The direction of photography is pretty darn good, and that is as far as I can go being positive about this movie.
Conversely the rest of the movie is tepid political activism about immigration and anti-military sentiment.
It is also about one and a half hours into the movie you get your first good look at one of the aliens.
Being the name of the movie is "Monsters" and you do not get to see your first one "up close" until one and a half hours in begs the question "What the heck, really?!?!? Are you serious!?!?!" Although I put it in much kinder wording than I really feel about this torpid piece of crud. And then what do we see? Monsters? No, we see two kindly critters that "wub" one-another. Again, I feel BADLY cheated by the name of the film. I wanted to see a film about MONSTERS, vile evil blood sucking, brain-eating, flesh-rending MONSTERS! Not giant octopuses that are kindly and tender, and hold tentacles, just like in the pilot episode of STAR TREK: The Next Generation (WOOO! Stolen idea! Be original Hollywood, or at least TRY to be).
It seems the writer had political motivations to write the script. The movie mentions the only time the aliens get angry and kill is when the big-bad-evil US military is around. The fact the US military ensures the filmmakers rights of freedom of speech does not raise their value in the estimation of said filmmakers, unfortunately.
The movie espoused building a wall between the USA and Mexico is a vile and evil thing to do. Who cares if it might keep out giant and potentially murderous monsters from an alien world? The actors make specific comments about "The USA sure does look different when you are on the outside looking in" and "I feel like crying when I see the wall, but don't know if it is a happy or sad cry". This is a clear allusion to immigration. Again the filmmakers are pushing a political left-wing message.
I sure wish Hollywood could just tell a story without making every 8 of 10 films a far-left wing message delivery system.
This incredible looser of a film gets a 1 of 10.
I watched this movie for FREE at a friend's house, and yet I feel cheated. What a load of, well, you know...
Buying the Cow (2002)
Undoubtedly one of the worst films I have
Undoubtedly one of the worst films I have suffered.
The acting is adequate, the ensemble cast doesn't exhibit any significant shortfalls in this regard.
The humor, however is base, vulgar and just plain not funny.
Some of the reviewers marvel this film did not achieve theatrical release. The reasons why should not be amazing. Its just not funny.
The "funny" scenes include a man stepping in his own vomit after believing he participated in homosexual acts, then falling out a window completely naked only to accost a boy for his t-shirt, before the boys father sees the naked man standing in front of his not shirtless son.
Yes, homo-erotic-vomit-stepping-pedophiles are the height of this film's humor.
My friend who showed me the film claimed that sequence was the pinnacle.
I would hate to see the film's low point.
I would rather sit through the non-MST3K version of Manos: Hands of Fate.
Caillou (1997)
Caillou's voice is like Chinese water torture
The little boy, Caillou, teaches children about growing up effectively enough; this without any unpleasant stuff to go along with it like many children's shows that have either unpleasant content (Cow & Chicken) or empty content (Zoom).
Some such shows contantly have things in them parents don't find appropriate whatsoever, yet I cannot object with any of the shows content. It is excellent in that regard.
My only complaint is that Caillou's voice is Chinese water torture. Maybe it's just me, and it strikes a chord that makes me wince, however I do not think that this is the case, as my dog and cats sometimes leave the room (in a full run) when my niece is watching this show.
The Thing (1982)
One of the best horror films ever.
This is, quite simply, one of the best horror films - ever. I can recall the first time I saw it, in 1985 or so, after it had come out on video. I was about 5 or 6 years old then. I had seen C.H.U.D., a couple of Nightmare on Elm Streets, and even a Friday the 13th or so, but not a single one of them had scared me. This film changed that (to this day). This is the only film to have put a little fright into me. Back when you had to think of special effect (instead of having one guy with a vivid imagination, and 124 computer geeks-like today) this film maximises a lot out of a little. A great story, good acting, and a satisfied customer - three things that rarely go together when discussing horror films.