PIST-OFF Reviews

Kicking and Screaming (1995)

make it stop

[2/10 · 27 April 2023]

VERY 90s era psuedo intellectual upper middle class college horse dung. Tedious in the extreme. Scene after scene of dialogue that i'll bet the writer thought was clever. The actors do what they can, but the material they are working with is flatter than paper. Possibly seeing it, at it's time, as a college aged kid might have made it bearable but 30 years of hindsight has not been kind to this movie. A post 9/11 would have instantly exposed this for the trite naval gazing material it is. The subsequent descent of the college as an institution of learning puts an exclamation point on how vacuous the era..... my era truly was. For honesty sake i'll say that i'm not much of a fan oh Noah Baumbach. On occasion he rises to the level clever but never competent. This movie is 90 minutes of the kind of class based non-problems faced by people who would be right at home on episodes of Friends were they not so dour. I'll be generous an give it a 2/10 some movies are simply of their era and of an age. This is both.

Tomorrow, the World! (1944)

PROPAGANDA!!!!

[1/10 · 28 December 2022]

Americans often like to believe that it was only nazi germany that was subject to propaganda such as Jud Süß in 1940. This movie proves that any and every nation is subject to using mass media to paint slanted political aims and demonize an entire people. One may argue that it was "during the war" so it was forgivable. Then why no such forgiveness to the other side? No this overwrought over acted garbage exist for one reason and only one reason. But it did it work? If the true measure of propaganda is whether it works, than this and 100s of other films must be given a hardy yes. Even 80 years on from them it is impossible for modern americans to disentangle the concepts of evil from nazis and germans. This is part of why to this day, nazi's often make the most compelling villains in movies. The culture at large internalized the messages of propaganda from long ago. Future generations beware.

Heavy (1995)

a movie about lonliness

[8/10 · 24 June 2022]

Pruitt taylor vince is really good in this. A man so beaten down that his eyes perpetually dart around never quite looking at anything, as though for him to impose a look at something would be an open invitation for life to hand him another devastating loss. Beyond his performance are a collection of lonely people burdened by a past that seems to weigh down their lives and even any thoughts about the future. This is a surprisingly good movie that came along at the right time..... peak arthouse. Everyone here brings a great performance and the writing and direction knows these characters and how much is just enough.

Fathers' Day (1997)

nobody to like

[3/10 · 11 June 2022]

The problem with this movie is that the plot is set in motion by irredeemably unlikable characters. It prevents any kind of investment of the very story. Robin williams does a good job typical of his late career manic/depressive characters that he never got to really explore unfortunately. Billy crystal does hist typical schtick. A solitary cameo lasting 30 seconds might be the best part of the movie. The underlying subject matter it's self is worthy of a serious take at some point on the mess of society that the sexual revolution unleashed. Material like this but lighter on comedy could potentially be good. Instead we get a by the numbers buddy comedy. Pass.

Dial M for Murder (1954)

blah

[5/10 · 1 May 2022]

It is good for a movie that takes place in a single room, but it is still just a movie that takes place in a single room. I'll admit that a provincial bias causes me annoyance upon watching it. The number of things the inspector does in the course of the movie that'd have a case thrown out and the inspector himself behind bars, but either normal laws of police conduct don't translate to the UK or for the sake of narrative, realism is being avoided at all costs. Still it makes me batty to watch this. I understand on some level it's a great movie but i really don't care for it.

The Straight Story (1999)

This man's life

[9/10 · 27 March 2022]

On one hand this movie could almost be a great humanistic companion film to Akira Kurosawa's Ikiru on the other hand it is more oddly specific about people places and events that the film industry typically have no time for. That this should come from of all places the direction of David Lynch is shocking. Lynch takes his amazing natural instinct for storytelling and simply turns off his typical desire to explore the strange and supernatural. What is left is an affecting film that in it's quiet power moves mountains. Richard Farnsworth a long time character actor gets a star turn as a man like any other only more so. Around the edges of the film lurk people whom you may glimpse when venturing outside of the dark of a theater and traveling across the unique areas of a specifically American backdrop. But these same people are virtually non-existent in film otherwise. The choice to direct film is surprising but hits it mark and the decision to film it in the actual locations that inspired it instead of cheating and filming elsewhere add a heavy dose of poignancy to the overall story. To many this will not be their cup of tea. But sit them down to watch it to the end and I'm sure few consider it time misspent.

9/10.

Running with Scissors (2006)

Trite

[1/10 · 27 March 2022]

I suppose one's opinion on this movie will be dictated by one's appetite for shallow degenerate narcissistic characters portrayed as "eccentric" and having any character arc or change or plot substituted for out in place of a litany of 70's music. If that's your thing, the late 90s early 2000s seemed to produce a litany of not quite art films which took on this very flavor, this being a depressingly on-the-nose representative. In some ways this movie is every bit as shallow and superficial as 12 angry men, another movie about avatars of stereotypes bumping into each other.

If on the other hand the people in this movie represent people you'd never like to know or even meet, grifters of psychobabble if you will, then i think it probably wise not spending 90 minutes with their screen equivalents. That the movie turns at every opportunity from exploring the real world consequences of such horrific behavior in favor of up beat 60s and 70s rock just puts an exclamation point on how un-serious the writers (and i assume the source material and equally self-absorbed writer) take anything. There is no weight to anything here. Nor is it particularly entertaining.

I suppose the acting is quite effective because otherwise the characters couldn't be so annoying. Skip this turd.

1/10.

The World According to Garp (1982)

turgid

[1/10 · 19 March 2022]

What happens when you have comedy that isn't funny, drama that isn't dramatic, politics that are absurd, and a plot consisting of scenes wholly unconnected to each other instead of a plot? You get an utter waste of two hours of your life. Nothing likable, nothing interesting, but plenty to annoy in this movie. Everyone involved should be ashamed to be stealing from anyone foolish enough to watch this.

The Punisher: Dirty Laundry (2012)

best Jack Daniels commercial ever!!!!!!!

[10/10 · 25 December 2021]

Seriously. Avengers movies and the like are nice. But occasionally it's nice to see super hero movies that cling much much closer to reality. No arch super villain in this. No CGI alien army. No intricate scheme to rule the world or whatever. Just some street thugs getting handled. Nothing more, nothing less. I've literally watched it over 100 times. Never gets old. Thomas jane deserves some sort of award or something for this. It is absolutely perfect, or at least as close to perfect as most of the very best movies ever get.

Untamed Heart (1993)

very 90's

[8/10 · 5 December 2021]

There was something in the water in the 1990's that romance movies and a lot of other movies in general really loved true misfits, not the stereotypical misfits that lurked in 80s teen movies, but genuine weirdos. Think Powder as the apex weirdo. Of course with the hindsight of some 30 years modern feminist thought this sweet and charming movie would be viewed elevating a stalker and a creep to the heights of romance. But of course the joyless will find any excuse to tear down anything to temporarily satiate their own misery.

I wouldn't have minded another 20 to 30 minutes tacked on to this. Tomei does an outstanding job of someone run through the mill and trying to find beauty in life. Slater's character is all hint and little explanation. Then again, do we want explanation? Perez plays to type but is mostly a distraction from a very sweet love story. And because this was the 90s it must end as any good grunge song would.

The Tiger of Eschnapur (1959)

Premonitions of the future

[7/10 · 23 October 2021]

Watching this, I can't help but feel that it was one of the many movies Spielberg had in mind with Temple of Doom, and Lucas with Return of the Jedi. Debra Paget looks stunning and the plot movies along briskly. Well made with some outstanding scenery. The old master Fritzz Lang could still make a watchable movie deep into his dotage.

Motorama (1991)

pointless

[2/10 · 28 August 2021]

So a bunch of completely unconnected scenes in which logic is.... tenuous at best wrapped loosely around road picture frame in which a quest for motorama tickets holds this mess together.... only to find that in actuality the main "plot" in and of it's self is a hoax thus allowing the movie to unravel and come to sputtering to a halt. Interesting elements are left hanging with nowhere to go. A waste. A waste of talent, a waste of time, a waste of potential. Avoid it. Drew barrymore's part in the movie comes and goes in under 30 seconds. Don't waste your life on this.

The American (2010)

asmr

[5/10 · 28 August 2021]

Nothing really wrong with this movie but it is extremely easy to fall asleep to. 90% of the movie is in hushed tones and quiet moments of observation. It's an interesting plot and a good movie, but damn. The overall effect is a lullaby for adults.

Midnight Madness (1980)

fun little movie

[5/10 · 28 August 2021]

As long as you don't get to hung up on details like.... character motivation. This movie is a fun little excursion. Reminds me in some ways of an older era of comedies from the mid sixties. It's also difficult to believe at times that this is a disney movie with things that wouldn't a flown under the disney banner even 10 years later, let alone in age of out-of-control PC.

A guy organizes essentially a scavenger hunt style game for.... reasons. 5 teams of college age people take part in order to win...... something. Let the games begin. A fun look at a certain time and place and the look and feel of it. Predictable, dumb, silly, but ultimately fun.

The Time Traveler's Wife (2009)

little girl falls in love with literally the first d**k she sees

[3/10 · 29 July 2021]

The number of narrative problems with this movie counts far higher than Back to the Future but this movie doesn't have one fiftieth of it's charm. Keep following the generic romance but don't invest more than two IQ points into it because the whole movie can unravel quite easily. The acting and directing do an adequate enough job but the central material is so..... (whatever the opposite of profound is.....) Most but not all of the narrative issues can be boiled down to the fact that a pre pubescent girl falls in love with a naked adult man then spend all her life "waiting" for him. The logic of this film can't hold up to a ten-year-old's level of scrutiny so be prepared to be on auto pilot. Considering that this movie and it's source material book were heavily favored by women, I'd say that constitutes a strong argument against women's suffrage.

3 of 10. The middle aged women equivalent of hulk hogan's No Hold Barred.

Chasers (1994)

under rated

[7/10 · 27 July 2021]

Dodger bee bert used to rate movies less on their over all quality than on the principle of whether the movie achieved what it set out to. In this category i would categorically say "yes". A fairly solid cast rounds out this light fare and is able to elevate it above it's designation as a b-movie. A Tom Berenger vs Gary Busey scene is a hidden gem. Erika Eleniak does more than fill the roll of eye candy. Slightly more than cameos by Hopper, Glover, Stockwell, Bush, Cassel, and Forrest keep things moving and throw a bit of unexpected spice into the movie. McNamara manages in spite of true bona fides to carry the whole thing on a bit of pie eyed charm without devolving into saccharin crap. Is this movie going to rock your world? No will it be 90 minutes or so of decent entertainment? Check for yourself. I vote yes.

Space Truckers (1996)

wow. never even heard of this.

[8/10 · 12 July 2021]

Someone took the truck stop in space scene from the end of Spaceballs and turned it into an entire movie. And not an entirely bad movie at that. A superb cast, pretty decent action scenes, some genuinely funny gags, and a unique color palette (yellow, purple, red) make this an interesting movie to watch. I'd never even heard about this movie and the whole premise seems like it would have come out in the 80's. I had to keep checking that it was made in the 90s and sure enough it did. It has elements of star wars, 2001, starship troopers, spaceballs, super mario brothers, armageddon, alien and a few others mixed in but manages a spark of originality. Is it winning awards? No. But it is highly watchable. Recommended.

Escape from the Bronx (1983)

question time.

[3/10 · 8 July 2021]

Plenty of cheapo action and 80's cheese, if you're into that kind of low budget thing. With the hindsight of some 40 years it's easy to be annoyed by the reporter heroine lady who could serve as a template for future SJWs complete with hormonal and mental imbalances that make her every appearance on screen like nails on a chalk board...... or maybe I just can't stand those damned new york accents. It's also funny to see that quite clearly the Bronx is a broken down rubble, a crumbling ghetto being reclaimed by the earth slowly, so why do these mental case characters cling so fervently to their hovel? Some one watching this 100 years hence may wonder at the reasoning abilities of people living amongst such squalor yet fighting and dying so that it may remain pristine in it's immaculate filth and degeneracy. At no point in the movie is any attempt made to portray even one iota of the Bronx as homey and livable. Yet meatheads glory in the salvation of their empire of dirt. Things that make you go "hmmmm?"

Scoop (2006)

a headache

[2/10 · 1 July 2021]

This movie has only one good thing going for it. Scarlett Johansson looks beautiful in it. Most of her scenes with Hugh Jackman come off alright. And a decent plot could be gleaned from this material. Every time woody Allen is on screen he incessantly kvetches. It gets old very very fast. Pretty much any Scarlett movie is better than this.

Attack (1956)

Excellent war movie.

[8/10 · 18 June 2021]

A good companion piece to Paths of Glory which would be released the following year. Jack Palance and the rest of the cast do a bang up job. Lee Marvin as always is excellent. Movie treats the subject of cowardice in war with all the subtlety it deserves. A small budget and no co-operation from the USAF are easily compensated for with a story that movie relentlessly forward. Fine directing by Robert Aldrich and an excellent screenplay means that the movie hums along. One of the best war movies I've ever seen.

Z for Zachariah (2015)

Hemmed in by politics

[1/10 · 12 June 2021]

Given the prevailing racial and social politics of the 2010s this movie, even by it's bare bones description and lead cast, could only play out within a narrow scope of acceptable characters and plot points. This of course leads to a movie that isn't just predictable on it's surface plot, but predictable even in it's minutia. Flat charcterization in the service of a predictable plot and serviceable direction and cinematography means that it is a waste of your time. There are better apocalypse movies. There are better love triangle movies. There are better apocalyptic love triangle movies. A solid cast in squandered in a fruitless effort to tell a story that holds no surprises nor compels much emotion, skip it.

Fear City (1984)

neon, nudity, and nunchucks

[7/10 · 30 May 2021]

Nobody does sleaze like Abel Ferrara. This 80's era sleaze fest in wall to to wall nudity, mobsters, serial killers, and bad music straight from the heart of New York during it's halcyon days as America's living hellscape. An absolutely outstanding cast round out a story about mob guys trying to protect their strippers from a straight psychopath. Cinematography is a bit choppy as I guess there was various editing and recutting done to please the tools that make up the MPAA but it only momentarily distracts and gives the whole movie a kind of late era grindhouse feel. Excellent.

The Green Hornet (2011)

This is a terrible movie

[1/10 · 27 May 2021]

Seth Rogan deserves double the disdain for having written an acted his character to be as obnoxious as any character i've ever seen in any movie. Every insolent word that is half-yelled from his mouth makes the character uglier and uglier. The screenplay is so awful that it should double as an indictment against the entire hollywood system. Good actors are squandered in this waste of time and resources. The closest thing to redeeming this movie is the action scenes, but even most of those are terrible. I don't have words enough to express the scorn I have for this movie and seth rogan in this movie in particular. Don't waste your time.

Unstoppable (2010)

Rare blue collar movie hits it out of the park

[9/10 · 12 May 2021]

Tony Scott takes on a blue collar movie that is note perfect. Filled with technical jargon and not afraid to trust the audience's intelligence. Movies like this are rare nowadays. A movie that brings it down to earth with normal people. Fast paced, well acted, well written. A damn good overlooked movie. Highly recommended.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (1962)

Proper candidate for a remake

[2/10 · 6 May 2021]

Starting with the casting this movie has everything going wrong for it but the story. In the right hands with the right budget and the right actors it could be compelling. The casting is terrible because to show three generations at work you need to have actors and actresses who are distinctly of separate generations. The grand sons in this should be played by people no older than 28. Instead we get a 50 year old actor playing the grandson of someone only 5 years older and behaving in a manner more akin to that of a person in their 20s.

The next problem is editing and dialogue. Snails pace editing and flat undramatic dialogue means that this movie feels a lot longer than it's already bloated run time. Again the actors and actresses don't bring much to a flat script. After that there's the special effects. For war scenes the movie depends on newsreel footage. And the big apocalyptic 4 horsemen scene feels shoddy and is way way over dramatized.

The third thing is that this version moves things from the source novel's First World War setting and plants in World War 2. This weakens the story by removing neutrality as a viable position. Because the historiography of the second world war determines that nazi germany is the height of all evil the position of all family members becomes compromised and the moral center of the movie and it's central theme of families broken by war have been displaced by general revulsion to nazism.

This is the type of movie hollywood should remake. Movies where things didn't quite go right. But economics of hollywood suggest they'll keep remaking the same successful thing over and over until it stops being successful..