gwerq Reviews

Bloody Mama (1970)

Violent Fun

[15 July 1999]

A gleefully trashy Corman cheapie, with Shelley Winters as the sex-crazed head of a family of criminals. Very bloody and perverse, yet strangely campy, and with good support from Bruce Dern, Robert DeNiro and Don Stroud, in a brilliantly sadistic role. Add to this Winters' fascinatingly overblown performance and you have a classic. Based on a true story, but you'd never guess.

Pink Flamingos (1972)

Completely Tasteless, Completely John Waters, Completely Brilliant!

[12 July 1999]

This is one of the sickest, depraved and funniest films ever! The plot has late transvestite Divine playing Babs Johnson, the filthiest person alive! She is at conflict with the marbles, two baby sellers who are jealous of her notoriety. Those not familiar with the John Waters vein of humour should stay away, this is not for the squeamish or easily offended. However, it contains some of the funniest scenes ever put on film, most notably the infamous dog pooh gobbling scene, which will either make you laugh like a drain or shudder in disgust. Pink Flamingos is a subversive, uncompromising film which is not to be missed.

The Kentucky Fried Movie (1977)

Hilarious!

[9 July 1999]

This Zucker brothers comedy has to be one of the stupidest, funniest films ever. There is no plot, just an endless display of hilarious comic sketches. The funniest episode is "A Fistful Of Yen", a brilliant martial arts parody which manages to spoof both "Enter The Dragon" and "The Wizard Of Oz"! As well as other hilarious sketches, such as "That's Armageddon" and the wonderfully vulgar "Catholic High School Girls In Trouble", the film also boasts cameos from widely-recognised stars such as Bill Bixby, George Lazenby and Henry Gibson. Add to this action hero Big Jim Slade and you have a demented movie masterpiece!

The Human Duplicators (1965)

A B-Movie. Say No More

[9 July 1999]

This silly and incredibly cheap b-movie finds Richard Kiel as a giant alien intent on turning the population of America into ceramic figurines. Watch late at night in a state of alcoholic excess. Fun but stupid.

Zombie Nightmare (1987)

Late Night Fun

[29 June 1999]

This silly film was obviously meant to be a serious film, but thanks to lousy acting (including an appearance from Adam "Batman" West), bad special effects and a stupid rock soundtrack, it is closer to a horror spoof. No doubt the actors are ashamed, but for everyone not involved in the making it's a good laugh.

Plan 9 from Outer Space (1957)

One Of The All-time Greats

[29 June 1999]

Any film buff will have seen or heard of this film. Director Ed Wood's most famous film is a hoot from start to finish. You probably all know about the cardboard sets, the Bela Lugosi substitute, the flying saucers made out of plates, etc. However, on repeated viewings you get an idea of Ed Wood's real intentions, this was obviously meant to be a chilling evocation of the destruction of humanity, but it just turned out rubbish. Any person who is even remotely interested in films should see this, and anyone who has never seen a b-movie before should start here. For Ed Wood was THE grandfather of cheesey films, neglected in his day, but now a cult hero. With it's reputation, you would have thought it would be easier to get hold of.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

The Best Awful Film Ever!!

[18 June 1999]

This is the kind of film you know you should hate but can't help loving. The title pretty much tells you everything, giant alien clowns arrive on earth, zapping humans into candy floss cocoons and sucking their blood out with striped curly straws. Then someone discovers you can kill them by knocking off their red noses. The rest of the film is an ultra-camp cheesefest, with deliberately bad acting and a pretty cool theme tune by cartoon punk band The Dickies. The results are surprisingly funny and enjoyable, and should appeal to all lovers of trash and b-movies.

Frogtown II (1992)

A Good laugh

[17 June 1999]

This has to be one of the stupidest films ever. In it, Lou Ferrigno (tv's "Incredible Hulk,kids), plays a texas rocket ranger who gets kidnapped by alien frogs. This is a modern b-movie, the scene where the frog band sing a song is sure to become a cult movie moment in years to come. Hilarious, if you like this sort of thing.

Oklahoma! (1955)

A Surreal Western Fable

[17 June 1999]

Cowboys singing and dancing. Obviously fake fights. Abstract dream sequences. History totally out of context. This is one of the most surreal films of all time masquerading as a blockbuster. A remake surely beckons!

Galaxy of Terror (1981)

Very Average

[25 May 1999]

This is a rather cheesey sci-fi horror that isn't as good as it's reputation suggests.There are some good special effects and it's nice to see Robert Englund in a pre Elm Street role,but the whole thing is like a very camp b-movie at times,and a silly rape scene almost turns the thing into a spoof.A good timewaster if you like that sort of thing.

The 'Burbs (1989)

An Underrated Masterpiece

[20 May 1999]

This is a forgotten classic,and easily Tom Hanks' funniest film.In it,he plays Ray Peterson,a nervy guy who finds his sanity drifting apart when a mysterious family move in next door.Apart from Hanks,there are also masterly performances from Bruce Dern as a crazy vietnam vet,and Rick Ducommun is hilarious as his moronic best friend Arte.Add to this Carrie Fisher as his long-suffering wife and you have a comedic masterpiece.Best scene is where Hanks totally breaks down at the end,turning surprisingly sympathetic,until the outcome of the final twist.If you haven't seen it yet,rush out and buy it.

Smoothtalker (1990)

As Bad As They Come

[14 May 1999]

What went wrong in Burt Ward's career after playing Robin in Batman?This "thriller",about a serial killer stalking the women of a 976 party line,is cheap,tacky and has ludicrous acting and dialogue.It's sad to think that Burt has been reduced to appearing in films like these,even if he isn't the greatest actor ever.Pity the guy.

Hercules in New York (1970)

Ridiculous!

[22 March 1999]

This early Arnie film is one of the most pointless, stupid films of all time. Not only is his dubbed voice poor, this also has awful acting and poor direction. Worth a giggle,but no doubt Arnie is embarrassed.God bless him.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

The Greatest Horror Film Ever

[19 March 1999]

I was only eleven the first time I saw this film, and had nightmares for weeks. This is a classic film,it is frightening,disturbing and above all intelligent. This is far from normal slasher fare,all of Freddy Kruegar's teenage victims have their own characteristics and personalities,they are not simply special effects foder. Robert Englund is the definitive horror movie actor,he is both funny and scary. The sequels have their moments,but they never come close to matching this. A classic.

Magnificent Bodyguards (1978)

Not A Bad Film

[19 March 1999]

This is a typically bizarre early Chan film, made by Lo Wei. It concerns Chan escorting a woman across a dangerous valley to find a cure for her sick "brother". Although not a classic, this film does contain a number of impressive fight scenes,although the script is messy and often confusing. Still,it's nice to see Chan in his long-haired seventies days!

The Big Boss (1971)

Bruce At His Best

[19 March 1999]

This is my favourite Bruce Lee film. It has the best plot of all his films,and,unlike some of them,it makes Bruce look human,until the end where he sets about killing the gang who murder his relatives.Until then,he is bound to non-violence,until things get nasty.The film is easily the best showcase for his fighting skills,especially the climatic fight,and in places you feel quite sorry for him,surprising for this action genre. This is a kung fu classic which should be seen by all action fans.

Leprechaun (1992)

Horror At Its Best

[18 March 1999]

This is one of the best horror films ever! It is funny,scary and suspenseful. Everything that makes a horror film great is in this film,a dark house, a nasty character,lots of victims AND,less traditionally,Jennifer Aniston. Warwick Davis is wonderfully camp and overblown in the title role,a far cry from his part in "Willow" and the script is first-rate. Plus the sequels are hilarious!

The King of the Kickboxers (1990)

A Waste Of Time

[18 March 1999]

This is one of the tackiest, corniest action films I have ever seen.The plot,a cop travelling to Thailand to bust an illegal snuff film ring and to avenge the death of his brother,is so old and recycled it makes a sly stallone film look original! This features awful acting,cheesey dialogue ("It's like a bruce lee film without Bruce!),and,in Loren Averdon,one of the most annoying screen heroes ever.Stay away.

The Creature Wasn't Nice (1981)

Erm.......

[17 March 1999]

This is one of the most bizarre spoofs I have ever seen! An unfriendly alien running amok on a spaceship full of idiots. Typically hit and miss, with lots of good ideas which don't always work. Still,Leslie Nielsen is at his stoney-faced best as the pilot, and the cast try hard,although at times they look slightly embarrassed.Nice songs too.

Drunken Master (1978)

Classic Chan

[17 March 1999]

This is my favourite jackie chan film. It's one of the funniest films i've ever seen. It starts with a fight and ends with one,so the action crowd won't be disappointed! Plus it contains the funniest scenes chan has ever put on film,such as the taunting of his idiotic teacher and the horror of realising the woman who he picks a fight with is his auntie!Brilliant.

The Slime People (1963)

Very Poor

[17 March 1999]

This is one of those midnight movies that crop up at two in the morning on Sky.It is just your average, everyday b-movie, bad acting, bad effects, poor direction and script etc. This particular film is about some very dodgy looking aliens terrorizing the neighbourhood. For b-movie freaks only.

Evil Toons (1992)

Rock Bottom

[15 March 1999]

This is one of the stupidest films I have ever seen. The "plot"concerns a badly animated cartoon demon terrorizing a group of cleaning ladies, all of whom get their kits off at every opportunity. Sound fun? Don't get the wrong

idea. This is sexist, cheap rubbish. David Carradine should have known better than to star in this. Laughable rather than funny.

Invincible Shaolin (1978)

Standard Stuff

[15 March 1999]

This Kung Fu film from the Shaw brothers is quite entertaining, but lacks the self-sufficiency and consistence of their earlier "Five Venoms" and now seems dated and slow-paced. However, there are some classic moments, such as the final battle and one of the most hysterically funny death scenes ever! Otherwise, this is merely an okay addition to the Kung Fu genre.

Cannibal! The Musical (1993)

An Almost Great Film

[12 March 1999]

I saw this film very recently, I purchased it after seeing the words "from the creators of south park"and thought it would be funny.I wasn't completely wrong.The film,about some hikers who are forced to eat each other,is a funny one,and the film has lots of funny moments. However,it is not without its flaws.The script is sometimes inept and the songs get a bit annoying at times. However,trey parker is obviously very talented,and the cast try hard,so it was certainly worth watching.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

Very poor,Yet Brilliant!

[12 March 1999]

As a rule, this film is awful. Giant alien clowns zapping people into candy floss cocoons and sucking out their blood with striped curly straws. Classic b-movie material. Which is why it's so good! The acting is often ludicrous and the script is full of holes, but that's what you paid your money for! This is both the best and worst film i've ever seen,it's certainly the funniest. A classic,but not in cinematic terms!