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jkantor
Reviews
Twentynine Palms (2003)
Mindnumbingly Awful and Boring
It's not even enough to blame this on warped French sensibilities. There is no movie here - no plot, no story, no theme, no characters, no cinematography, no soundtrack - just boring shots of the desert inter cut with boring shots of awkward sex - until you finally and mercifully get an ending that is apparently from a different movie entirely. I think it must be a perverse joke by the director - some kind of statement on the absolute banality of our lives if we are willing to sit through something like this - and the fact that the best we can hope for is a violent end to our empty existence. The director should never be allowed to touch a camera again in his life.
Vantage Point (2008)
Mindnumbingly stupid and manipulative
The plot on this one wouldn't even hold water as a first-person shooter video game.
And the ridiculous multiple "vantage points" just makes it all the more obvious how ludicrous the story is.
Dennis Quaid spends the entire movie looking like he's constipated - or at least completely confused about what the movie is about (along with the rest of us).
There are no characters, so there can't be any character development.
Who would be stupid enough to greenlight something like this?
Everyone associated with this film should be blackballed from Hollywood.
The Russell Girl (2008)
Sappy
Sappy story; sappy acting; sappy music - and to make it even worse, it's excruciatingly slow. Please shoot me.
There is no story here, or character development or anything other than depressing music, long-faced actors, and interminably long scenes. By the first break, you don't even know what it's about - except miserably, self-absorbed people.
And the typical movie-of-the-week production values don't add anything to it either.
The only thing worse was the Hallmark commercial at the first break. But that, at least, was mercifully short. In fact, that's what this movie seems to be - a sappy 30-second commercial padded out to two hours.
Lost in Space (1998)
A Terrific and Fun Retake on the Series
This is a terrific retake on the Lost in Space story - adding state-of-the-art special effects and putting a bit of an edge on to the original's plotline while keeping faithful to the underlying premise.
What's really interesting about the movie is its concentration on the psychology of the characters and the personal relationships other than just those centering on Will. Where this film will shine is in the DVD version - especially if they restore a couple of scenes that were trimmed from the theater release.
Fight Club (1999)
"Have a near-life experience"; see Fight Club today
This is a brilliant movie on a number of levels, not the least the directing, cinematography, and acting. The plot summary by anonymous is accurate, but does not convey what the film is actually about (and, thankfully, doesn't give away any of the major plot twists).
This film is darkly humorous - in both meanings of the term! - as well as violent, but if you live in an apartment and work in a cube like I do, you will rapidly start to sympathize with Jack and Tyler. After you've seen it, you'll realize that there's a little bit of Tyler in each of us.
Wild Wild West (1999)
Wild Wild Waste
I'd like to say this is a great film; it could have been - but it isn't. It's a sad waste of Will Smith, Kevin Kline, and Salma Hayek's acting talents. Kenneth Branagh does give a terrific performance as Dr. Loveless, but the character is so one-sidedly nasty, that watching him becomes uncomfortable.
This is obviously a movie that storyboarded well. Unfortunately, they forgot about the other elements that a good film needs: a story, a script, characterization, and pacing - not to mention music (this film has the worst score I've ever heard outside of the porno industry).
If you've seen Independence Day or Austin Powers or were a fan of the original series, you'll be terribly disappointed with this film. In fact, you could make a laundry list of everything that those films do right that this one does wrong. Except for a glimpse of Salma Hayek's butt (sorry girls you don't get to see Will's) this one isn't even worth renting.