Lost_cow Reviews

Feeders (1996)

Sadly it's not "so bad it's good", it's just bad and boring.

[1/10 · 8 April 2024]

Do you have an old late 80's camcorder? How about an old red 1990 mustang? A whole $50 in the bank? Then you too can make a movie!

The acting is stiffer than a grade 6 play and the dialogue so forced that most of the actors (and I am being generous using that term) are delivering their lines as if they were hostages reading their captors demands.

No doubt this was some college students zero budget film project that somehow managed to get picked up and distributed. Unfortunately it's just boring. Not "so good it's bad", just boring.

The only way to watch this is the Rifftrax version, the riffing makes it tolerable and funny.

China Salesman (2017)

What the bleep did I just watch?

[1/10 · 11 December 2021]

Steven Seagal on his downward spiral, Mike Tyson who could not act his way out of a paper bag and of course and the propaganda wing of the CCP. It's about as bad as it gets. No wait... it's worse.

The Reliant (2019)

Ugh, it never ends...

[1/10 · 24 October 2019]

This movie is just plain boring. The plot makes no sense, the acting is wooden and it just never ends! To be fair, production value is decent. They did not cheap out.

Note, the person who wrote this movie has the top voted comment here... that should tell you something...

The Terror of Tiny Town (1938)

It's just boring...

[2/10 · 15 January 2019]

Regardless of the fact that the movie is in poor taste, the bottom line is that it's just plain boring.

It's not even one of those so bad it's good type of movies. The story is boring, The acting is awful and the movie just does not go anywhere.

Cry Wilderness (1987)

This was a doozie!

[1/10 · 16 April 2017]

This movie was chosen as episode 2 of the reboot of MST3K for a reason. It's not even "so bad it's good", just plain bad.

The story doesn't go anywhere, I've seen better editing from the average 11 year old's YouTube video, the acting is seriously painful to watch, and the whole thing is just completely disjointed. It's like a fever dream from which you just can't wake up from.

The only thing that saved the movie was the MST3K riffing, some of the funniest (and edgiest!) I've heard. Do yourself a favour... if you MUST watch this schlock, watch the MST3K version.

Killer Tomatoes Strike Back! (1991)

Woah!

[3 May 2003]

Well, it's a lot more entertaining that most of the previous installements. If you turn off your brain you might even get a giggle ouf of this movie.

As others mentionned, it's a poor attempt at imitating the Leslie Nielson /Zucker brothers movie style.

I think the funniest thing in this movie is seeing people wearing MC Hammer pants with a suit jacket... man thats scary!

Agent Cody Banks (2003)

Fun movie...

[7/10 · 14 March 2003]

What can I say... It was a fun movie!

Went to see it with my 9 year old and we both enjoyed it a lot. Kind of a bond for younger audiences. Far fetched? Sure... but then so is 007 no?

I especially liked the little humorous details here and there... like the page "Would the driver of a silver Austin Martin please report to..." inside the CIA building (James Bond's car), or Cody's cell phone that rings like Austin Powers video-phone. Pay attention when watching it as the movie is filled with little details and one liners referring to other spy movies.

Was it worth the price of admission? Sure!

Journey to the Far Side of the Sun (1969)

A wonderfull flashback!

[23 November 2002]

I'll admit that like many others here this is a movie I've seen many times as a kid in the 70's. :)

The concept and story are just wonderfull. My favorite type of sci-fi, the kind that makes you think and doesn't completely bombard you with special effects.

Speaking of special effects, without spilling any beans I can say if you like The Thunderbirds, you'll love the SFX in this movie.

Gets a 8 on 10 for me.

Detroit Rock City (1999)

What a flashback!

[7 February 2002]

Well, saw that movie last night on TV and thought it was great.

Of course I grew up in the late 70's early 80's and remember so many of the situations in this movie all too well.

What really struck a cord was the Rocker VS Disco feud... It was so well portrayed. Can't remember how many fights I got into HS against the Disco folks :)

Of course the movie itself is funny but not a masterpiece. Acting is iffy, plot unlikely... But the music is awesome, and for someone in the thirty something generation who lived thru those years it's really a great movie.

Yeah... two thumbs up!

Virus (I) (1996)

If it weren't so bad, it might be funny

[19 January 2002]

As others here have commented, this movie is horrible. I mean really really horrible.

Story line is almost inexistant, Special effects are of lower quality than a high school theatre production, and I've seen better acting from the folks on "Americas funniest home videos".

The only thing which somewhat redeems this flop is the fun you have spotting the inconsistencies and errors... from the folks bleeding right thru un-punctured hazmat "moon suits" in the lab (figure that one out!) to the amazing inconsistent plot jumps this is a real gem.

My 2 cents worth... but I doubt your mileage will vary much :)

Moo

Jurassic Park III (2001)

Not bad...

[19 July 2001]

Well, went in expecting a good action movie with decent special effects and well... thats what I got!

No spoilers here... but just go in there with your brain turned off and you'll love it.

Considering how much effort they put into the computer animation and all I have to admit I am disappointed at sloppy editing. Quite a few goofs. First and most blatant one is in the first 10 minutes of the movie seeing a BIG microphone on top of the screen for at least 3-4 seconds. Add to that mud flying on the camera lense in one of the chase scenes. Plenty of other goofs and inconsistencies. I would have expected better.

But it was a FUN film.

Moo

Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace (1995)

Made my teeth hurt!

[1/10 · 20 March 2000]

Seriously, I think a tooth ache would have been more welcome than this cheap hack. This is a typical case of "terrible sequel". I did not watch the whole movie, rewound the tape about halfway thru and brought it straight back to the video rental store, where I got an apologetic look from the clerk.

The acting was poor, the story went nowhere, and it's not even one of those movies that are so bad they are entertaining. This was so bad it made you cry you spent $3 on a rental.

American Playhouse: Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1983) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

Hmmm well... how shall we put this...

[20 March 2000]

In a few words?

Burn the movie but read the book! An absolutely amazing short story by John Varley (as most of his stories are). An absolutely terrible film. Painfully terrible if you're a Varley fan.

The Patriot (1998)

In one word? Cheezy...

[1/10 · 24 June 1999]

Seems Sensei Seagal is getting more and more moralising and less "action packed". To date this has to be his worse movie... no action, a poor story line, an impossible plot and to make things worse, one of the CHEEZIEST endings I have ever seen.

Seagal films are like seeing a Dirty-Harry, you do not go see it for the great social causes or impeccable acting... you want a good action flick.

On a scale of 1 to 10, this one gets a 1...

Marked for Death (1990)

Poor acting, some good Aikido fight scenes

[28 May 1999]

Well, if you're after a decent martial arts bang'em up and not expecting a masterpiece of thespian theater this is a pretty decent movie.

If like many Steven Seagal fans what you're looking for is Sensei Seagal in action, this is (IMHO) one of his better pieces. The shopping centre does have some nice Aikido.