smiley-32 Reviews

Alien Uprising (2012)

Sometimes I wonder what kind of movie was I watching..?

[1/10 · 2 September 2013]

I saw this on YouTube would you believe.. I gotta hand it to you, it was that boring.. I wasn't really feeling this movie at all. I know its one of those low budget pappy show that filmmakers think 'Yeah! Let's do it this way and everyone will enjoy the movie..!' Enjoy the movie my ass! I've seen better alien movies that this pile of tripe! The whole thing didn't make sense to me.. Bad acting, terrible plot and bad locations. It was really that bad.

I couldn't believe Jean Claude Van Damme signed up for this crap! It's unbelievable.!

Oh well, I'll be watching Prometheus just to get my mind over this rubbish! Not worth the celluloid its developed on!

Strippers vs Werewolves (2012)

The worst awful garbage horror flick that stinks like a bad doughnut..!!!

[1/10 · 9 September 2012]

I bought this on DVD for £2 at some high street store. I guess it's one of those flicks that didn't make the grade. Now although, there have been some good British horror flicks such as Creep, The Descent, the classic Dracula movies from Hammer films.

But Strippers v Werewolves? What the hell did I just see? Bad acting, bad script, bad plot, bad everything..

It looks so cheap and tacky.. I guess the only thing that was keeping this movie up was the actors that ranges from Sarah Douglas (Superman 2, Conan the Destroyer), Alan Ford (The Squeeze, Snatch) and Billy Murray (Rise of the FootSoldier) just to name a few..

Well, to be honest.. This was a waste of time, money and effort (to the filmmakers) to come up with this pappy-show!

No, I didn't like this flick, so the DVD went to charity.. which by now, it may've found itself a new home.

I've seen better movies than this tripe. No wonder it just took £38 at the box office. Not my cup of tea! Thumbs down!

Grizzly II: Revenge (1983)

Grizzly disappointed. What a waste of movie!!

[24 October 2011]

I manage to see this movie via an unknown source.. I have to admit it was one of the most boring movie I had to sit through and watch.. I didn't see the credits in the beginning due to the fact, there was some personal problems in relations to the film. What also bored me to death was the concert scenes.. it really put me off. If this is a monster movie, why add the concert stuff? Just didn't make sense at all. Another thing is I didn't see was the bear itself. Obviously there are reasons there. I guess whoever seen it also knows what's happened.

At the end of the day.. it weren't my cup of tea. Yes, the first Grizzly movie was awesome. But this one? Absolutely terrible. For what it's worth..? No comment! Total thumbs down!!

Bitten (2008 Video)

I think the film has bitten off more than it can chew..!

[1/10 · 16 June 2011]

I rented this out not too long ago. I was hoping for the usual stuff. Vampires, terror, something was going me make me sit there and watch it. What did i get? Nothing! Obviously yes! It was made at a low budget. But I was getting bored with the film as I continued to watch it. The whole plot didn't make no sense. OK, this guy (Mewes) wants to this girl (Cox) to the hospital, but she refuses to go. I thought OK.. what happens after that? Same old pappy-show! The plot begins to run out of steam and here am I thinking.. when is this going to end? Don't get me wrong though.. I've seen better vampire movies. Better than this crap! I hated it anyway. If I wanted to a vampire movie.. I'd make it a vampire movie.

As for this.. this film didn't live up to expectations. A total disappointment. Thumbs down for this rubbish!

Frozen (I) (2010)

This movie hurts more than me..!!!!

[1/10 · 15 November 2010]

I rented this movie last Sunday. I was dying to find out what 'Frozen' was all about. Is it a movie that everyone is going to see? Or is it so crap, that everyone will give it the thumbs down? It was the second one, a thumbs down! After watching it, I flt as if this movie was really a waste of time. OK! It was a good idea for someone to come with that idea. But then again, it should've gone on to DTV. Even if it did, I think the audience will still say it was a boring movie.

Afte watching the special features on DVD. Well, there was a lot of things they've covered in order to get this movie made. Yeah, that dragged on a bit too! Not the kind of film I would recommend. But it was plain bad awful!

Light Blast (1985)

Castellari's best cop movie! A triumphant effort!

[9/10 · 20 September 2008]

I got this video off Ebay. It's a long time I've seen it. In this movie, Former 'Chips' star Erik Estrada stars as Ronn Warren, a San Fransisco police Inspector who takes on the case which is more bigger than him. A scientist named Yuri Soboda(Thomas Moore) invents an indestructible death ray and uses it against millions of people unless his ransom is paid.

As Warren digs deep in to the case, he encounters thugs, terrorists, a martial arts nurse as he tries to bring down the madman. But soon his wife gets killed in the process as Warren takes matter to his case as a personal vendetta.

What I also like about this movie with the music score from Guido and Maurizio De Angelis. Yeah! I remember when I first watched it, I was dancing with a few friends. It was a great laugh..!

Mind you, it was one of Enzo G. Castellari's best cop movie. But it's not to say he had to chase Clint Eastwood for the role for Warren.

Anyway, I still watch it now and again! Shame these films are very hard to get! If you're lucky to get the film on Ebay, you'll be laughing!

Thumbs up for LightBlast!

Exterminator City (2005 Video)

Cheap pappy-show of a film!

[5/10 · 14 September 2008]

I saw this film only last week. Basically it's one of those 'cheap, low budget B movies' laced with gorgeous women. You got big name starlets like Julie Strain, Taylor Wane, Cathy Barry and Teresa May, just to name a few of them. ..And they're all getting bumped off by this stupid robot.

Clive Cohen may have done a good job. But I was hoping for more..

In the end, it just felt 'this was as far as he took it'.

Anyway, it was in a way enjoyable. But don't think when you see all these starlets, you're gonna get all the sex and what have you.

Nice try. Shame that's the only film Clive Cohen has only done.

5 of out 10!

Scorpion Thunderbolt (1988)

Pappy-show Thunderbolt..! It sucks!

[1/10 · 24 August 2008]

I won his video at a raffle 2 years ago. After going through my video collection, I finally got the chance to watch the film. OK! It's another one of those 'Joseph Lai's cheap action fluke'. But this one has got to be one of the weirdest.

This film tells the story about a serial killer snake (which some guy must've been dressed in a humanoid snake costume) goes round killing women. Although the police are trying desperately hard to find the killer. They do believe it's not human.

As the film goes, we run into Richard Harrison who plays himself (for some reason). He has a ring which could a stop an evil witch from putting out those weird spells which somehow is responsible for making this woman (Helen) a journalist from turning herself into the snake demon.

Another thing about this flick which I had to laugh at, is how comes I watch one of Joseph Lai's movies, they always have music samples from 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' or 'The Big Brawl'. Some well known movies and they take the music score from that movie and put it on theirs? It so weird. Anyway, the film may've been good, but not that good! Totally disastrous

Hell to Pay (2005 Video)

Low budget gangster yarn!

[6/10 · 19 March 2008]

I saw this film yesterday.. In fact, I got it for free at some secondhand store. Basically, it's one those 'low budget, East End London crime gangster' genre which homage to Dave Courtney..

Although he's the star of the film, according to the audio commentary he did.. he put up the money for he film and brought on some the big names from the criminal underworld to be part of his movie project.

I respect Dave in a big way.. because he is a gangster. But that dosen't mean he goes round shooting people.

Dave sees this project in a way that he's seen it and been through it. Now he wants his audience to see things the way he sees it.

Mind you, it weren't too bad. I was so surprised that The Sun's Garry Bushell is in the this. My God! I hope he don't win an Oscar for his cheesy performance.

Mind you, I've seen a lot of gangster in my time. But this one weren't too bad. Although it's low budget.. I got no qualms about it. I just watch on it on a rainy day!

I Know Who Killed Me (2007)

Not even Ms Lohan's performance did the trick on this pappy-show!!

[1/10 · 19 March 2008]

I saw this movie a few weeks ago. I gotta hand it to you.. it's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Although Lindsay Lohan has fully grown into a young good looking woman. This flick was supposed to put Ms Lohan's sexual antics to the top of the box office.

Unfortunately, the script was so bad and the plot was trying to be something out of an Alfred Hitchock movie. If Alfred Hitchcock was to write the script for this movie. There would be no sex scenes or anything in there.

I am surprised about the movie winning the Razzies. It sucked so bad I had to switch halfway through.. I manage to see the rest of the film on my own PC just to find out what happened at the end. But still.. it was crap. I just felt that this movie was a complete waste of time.

If people want to see a really good sex thriller, try watching those late night movies on cable. You'll feel a lot more better watching that, than watching Ms Lohan's crappy performance.

Anyway, it's a thumbs down for me..! 0 out of 10!

Shower of Blood (2004 Video)

Shower of crap, or shower of pappy-show?

[1/10 · 30 August 2007]

I bought this film not too long ago. I thought yeah! It's gonna be a good movie. Low budget horrorfest? Yeah, right! It turns out to be a load of crap! A bunch of actors which I've never even heard of, stars in this low budget pappy show of a gorefest!

What was also so bad was the script. Who on earth wrote that garbage? I felt as if the characters, talking to each other are like a bunch of 10 year olds. It was so sloppy..

The only good thing about this movie that all three women in this flick bared all. That's the only good thing about them. The men however, are like a couple of sad muppets! The whole thing about the two didn't really add up.

And Uncle Marty? What was that guy all about? OK, he maybe a vampire of some kind. But I had to laugh when he was doing this 'jig' whilst some crappy organ music was going off in the background. I thought 'Yeah! This movie is really gonna suck!'

Anyway, at the end I felt.. 'OK! These people may've done a horror flick, but it wasn't in my expectation to this bad!' So I sold the DVD on Ebay. Some bugger bought me it off for a few quid.

Thumbs down for this one! It's not worth the paper it's printed on.. 0 out of 10!

Nemesis 4: Death Angel (1996 Video)

Nemesis 4: Pappy Show of Angels!

[1/10 · 20 August 2007]

I saw this film not too long ago. I borrowed it from a friend who bought the DVD in Canada. I thought 'Well? Let's see what this film is like..' To tell you the truth, I think director Albert Pyun's fourth Nemesis installment has sunk more lower than a submarine. Hitting the ocean floor or the abyss. In this film, there's so much talk and less action. I couldn't believe what Sue Price has got herself into. Stripping nude in the film as she carries gun, kill a few guys and that's it! Although she maybe good in the film.. I would've thought there would be more action. But it seems that Albert Pyun decided to tone it down in this crappy flick. Obviously the movie itself was set in 2080 AD. But it seems it's set in the 90's in some ghost town with nobody there. There was a scene where Sue Price's character, Alex fires one shot at a helicopter which was totally out of proportion. I thought Mel Gibson's character of Martin Riggs of Lethal Weapon would shoot the pilot dead within 3 shots. Anyway, this film is not as good as I thought. It was terribly done. Shame this fourth Nemesis movie really ran its course. I don't blame Sue Price. I hope in future, she gets better and decent roles than this. So for Sue Price, 10 out of 10! Well? You do the maths.. As for the film? 0 out of 10! Not my kind of film! Sorry..!!

The Fountain (2006)

Diabolical pappy show!

[1/10 · 17 July 2007]

I saw this film.. I must admit it was so boring watching it. The only good scenes out of it were Hugh Jackman and that was about it. I know everyone has their own opinions about this film.. but this to me was so boring.. I even slept most of the film.

What was even worse was the making of the film. I thought 'OK! Maybe Darren Aronofsky wanted to tell his side of the story on why he wanted to make that film.

I guess we all weren't born yesterday, but this was so dull.

In the end, I decided to give it the thumbs down. Not my kind of movie. Sorry!

Attack Force (2006 Video)

How awful is this pappy-show of an Seagal movie..?

[1/10 · 26 February 2007]

I saw this film this past weekend. Seems that I went to Blckbuster and just rented it out. The first thing I noticed about this movie is Steven Seagal's voice. It keeps changing over from time to time. I couldn't really tell if Steven Seagal is talking as himself or someone tried to alienate his voice. But it was putting me off.. What's more worse about the movie, was the plot. OK! Seagal's character Marshall Lawson maybe going after a bunch of drug crazed looking aliens. But for some reason, the whole thing didn't live up to its standard.

I was getting so bared with this movie until it reached the end, where Seagal fights against this Alien Queen.. which I thought was a bit over the top for a man to beat up a woman.

Anyway, this is a thumbs down for me. I hated this movie. I hope Seagal comes up with something better than this down trodden rubbish! 0 out of 10!

The Choke: The Legend Begins (2006 Video)

Poorly underrated pappy show slasher..!!

[2/10 · 17 January 2007]

I saw this film last week. The US title maybe called THE CHOKE.. In the UK, it was called AXE. I don't know why..? But it's got nothing to do with me! Basically this flick is all about an up-and-coming rock group called THE CHOKE, who are supposed to play a gig at some down trodden looking warehouse. But for some reason, not all things don't go as according to plan when the one of the members fail to show up. Determined to find another alternative, the venue itself runs into more problems when the booze runs out. Soon the spectators leave and the event has run itself into the ground.

Later, the band members find themselves trapped inside the building, unaware that someone is bumping them off one-by-one.

After seeing this movie, I felt as if some 'teen slasher movies' has run their course. maybe a lot of people have seen the so called 'murder plots' and 'it keeps you guessing 'til the end' fiasco. But this is what I saw on this film. It's good but it wasn't really that entertaining. I was hoping for a lot more. There were some twists and turns.. ..and yes! It did keep me guessing.. 'Til I find out my first answer was correct.

Anyway, although this movie was filled with the usual teen rock music stuff. I had to give this one a thumbs down! Not my cup of tea.. Unless you are a fan of those 'low budget teen slasher movies!'

Secret Admirer (I) (2001 Video)

British, but low budget pappy show with a pinch of eroticism!!

[3/10 · 16 January 2007]

I saw this film not too long ago.. This movie tells the story which revolves around the sexual tension of the characters: Karen (SAMMIE LIEGH), Dominic (GLENN WRAGE) and Charles (JAKE SEAL). It's more like this film is trying to be an erotic thriller. But most of the scenes on there didn't really get me sucked into the story. You see a few fetish scenes here and there. But then again, I couldn't really make out what this whole pappy show was all about. The only good thing about this movie is, is Sammi Leigh herself. It seems that this is the only movie she's done. She could've progessed her acting career a bit more further. Probably she wasn't happy with the final cut as you see these two lead actors trying to bite a piece of Sammi Leigh's pie!

If I wanted to make a good erotic thriller movie.. I'll make sure that there's a decent plot. This is more like becoming like Basic Instinct 2: The Pappy Show!

Anyway, shame about the movie. No wonder I still got it on DVD! I reckon Sammi Leigh should've carried on acting!

For Sammi Leigh.. 10 out of 10! The lead actors.. er? They can do the maths! The whole movie? A very stubborn 3 out of 10!

Lust Connection (2005 TV Movie)

Erotic thriller with the same old cliché!

[7/10 · 20 August 2006]

I bought this film on DVD.. After watching it, it was alright.. But funny enough though.. this plot is more or less like another film I got on video. I just watched that.. It's called Virtual Desire. In that film you had this guy Brad (Michael Mayer) whose wife's been murdered by a mysterious killer. Although he was the suspect, he had to go through all the women he had affairs with in order to find the killer..

In this film, it's the same thing. Rick's wife gets murdered. Rick becomes the suspect. Goes through a list of women in order to find the killer in this one..

Well, it was a good film. I liked it because of the women..

Jay Robinson is getting old. He should've played as Det. Crank. Anyway, good film. But the same old cliché!

Thumbs up!

Lethal (2005)

So bad, it's just another action movie pappy show!

[24 July 2006]

I saw this film yesterday.. I must admit, it's one of the most crappiest action movies I've ever seen. OK, you got this blonde babe going around in some black tank top. There's nothing really sexy about it. Just some woman carrying a gun shooting down the bad guys..

Lorenzo Lamas plays the bad guy in this flick. He's trying hard to put on this Russian accent. It was so bad. The fight scenes were OK in some parts, but the shootout scenes were awful. I could've swore that this dark-haired guy shot this black uniformed terrorist off the roof.

After watching this film, I felt as if the filmmakers really wasted their talent on making this pile of sh*te!

I got nothing against Lorenzo Lamas and Frank Zagarino. Yes! They maybe good actors, but how comes they got sucked into this rubbish?

Well, at the end of the day.. This is one film that shouldn't be made. Bad script. Bad directing. All pappy show! A totally awful 0 out of 10!

Haunted Boat (2005)

Some outrageous teen horror pappy show!

[1/10 · 23 July 2006]

I saw this film yesterday. I must admit, it weren't my cup of tea. Although it's supposed to be a horror movie of its kind. But as I was watching this, I was thinking.. 'This movie isn't making any sense at all..' Where on earth did this guy in the dark coat came from? Where were the two guys were going when they left the girls behind? Where on earth did a shark came out from?

All these elements in this film somehow didn't add up. I felt as if these filmmakers wasted so much time and money on a film that was so bound to be so crap.

I've seen many good horror movies in my time, but this is one of the most worst horror flicks I've seen. At the end of the movie, I said to myself that I wouldn't watch it again.. So much pappy show in this film, I've decided to give it the thumbs down! Count me out on this one! 0 out of 10!

Death Tunnel (2005)

Good but not that good..!

[2/10 · 4 June 2006]

The first time I saw this flick.. I slept through it! The second time I watched it all.. but it left with a kind of bad taste in mouth.. and I was scratching my head with utter confusion..!

The good thing about the film was yes! Where the filmmakers were filming.. It was haunted for real..! OK! So this Waverly Hills Sanitarium place is for real.. But what really lacks about the film was the script. I couldn't get into the film.

If the script was written a lot more better.. I would've thought the film would be more better.. But what we've got saving this film was the female cast. (I don't know any of them..!)

Anyway, to sum this one up.. I saw the featurette. It looked interesting.. But the film itself needed more suspense and other stuff.

I know the filmmakers went through a grueling time shooting this movie.. but in they did it. They've experienced what they've seen at the Sanitarium. But all-in-all, this movie didn't live up to its expectations!

Sorry to the director! It's a lowly 2 out of 10!

The Cutter (2005)

One of Norris's best..!

[8/10 · 28 May 2006]

I saw THE CUTTER not long ago. It was a good film, especially in Chuck Norris's honor.

In this film, he plays as John Sheperd. A former police officer turned Private Investigator who takes on any job for a price. Following a job that went wrong.. after failing to save a daughter.. Sheperd's life is shattered, when he blames the police for not doing their job.

Determined to get over it, he runs himself into another case.. This time, when a diamond cutter's father is mysteriously kidnapped. Sheperd takes on the case, which leads into something more sinister. Someone has stolen an artifact from the Sinai desert, and the diamonds have been vanished.

Enter Daniel Bernhardt who plays Dirk. A ruthless criminal who works for Col. Speerman (Curt Lowens).. As the film goes on, everything about these characters begin to fall into place with some consequences..

This film is one of Norris's best. Although he maybe old, but still he's tough enough to play the good guy all round. Still beating the cr*p out of the bad guys.. Daniel Bernhardt who plays the villain.. He was good.. He was more of a ruthless assassin who just gets what he wants.. Killing people who stands in his way until he squares off against Norris in a climatic fighting scene at the end.

There was also Tracy Scoggins.. who I haven't seen on film for quite some time. She stood out great. She was amazing! And Joanna Pacula.. Great performance.. Still the same Joanna!

Bill Tannen's directing was also good. Although the idea of this fast forward sequence which we see in the film is good. At least, in some films.. It didn't drag on too long. Tannen kept the pace going right until the end.

Well, I had a great time watching this flick.. Good action from start to finish! 8 out of 10!

Kidulthood (2006)

A dark disturbing, controversial British masterpiece

[9/10 · 28 May 2006]

I saw this film yesterday on DVD.. I must admit, it was a really good film.. Although I heard of other films like CITY OF GOD from Brazil.. KIDS from the U.S. and LA HAINE from France.. In this country, we got KIDULTHOOD..

Although there has been a lot of controversy about the film. I don't find anything wrong with that.. except this movie looks at the dark side of British school kids growing up in everyday lives in the 21st century.. Sex, drugs, pregnancy, violence.. All these subjects are portrayed in this film, which is crammed inside 24 hours.

Yes! They were some really good performances.. Not to say that all the actors in this film are just 'pulling it off'.. This is really how we the public see the school kids as of today..

During my days at school, I remember the time where kids used to truant off school, smoke in the toilets, bullying? A few times I've seen it happen.. As I see it now, school kids has now evolved. All these things like in the movie (in some places..) is happening now..

Director Medhaj Huda certainly did a good job of this doing this movie in a way how we see the school kids being portrayed in today's lives.. Even though it came from Noel Clarke's script who he plays as Sam..

Some good musical sequences that blended well with the film..

Although the British film industry has struggled hard to make movies like CITY OF GOD or LA HAINE.. With KIDULTHOOD.. why not?

Mind you, after seeing the DVD.. I even saw the special features.. It's nice to know that this film was shot at a small budget over a four and half week shoot period - which is really good.

Well, to sum it up. I give this one a thumbs up! Great film. I got no qualms about it. I think this one will go down as good one.. 9 out of 10!

Second in Command (2006 Video)

Not bad for Van Damme fans!

[6/10 · 20 May 2006]

Saw this film on DVD.. Van Damme plays Sam Keenan who's just been appointed to Second in Command where's he stationed at an East European country.. There, he finds himself at a situation where the President has been confined at an American Embassy from a group of ruthless soldiers..

As things gets worse, Keenan must do all he can stop the soldiers and save the President..

For this type of film, it's a bit better than some of the other Van Damme films I've seen..

I saw another film on TV called 'IN HELL'.. I felt that this film was terrible. So shallow and not entertaining enough..

In 'SECOND OF COMMAND', we see Van Damme playing a Marine.. Something we don't usually see him play as.. But it's something that Van Damme fans would love to see..

I also believe that Van Damme should stick to good roles that fans will definitely see over and over again.. Rather than work on something that is so boring and horribly made..

It's not bad.. Pretty good movie.. I hope JCVD will do and make better films in future..

6 out of 10!

Two Fisted (2004)

Prepare for the ultimate pappy-show!

[1/10 · 14 May 2006]

I saw this film not too long ago.. Although the DVD was out for over a month.. I couldn't believe I wasted my money on a movie that didn't make no sense..

OK! You got this character, Ty Sabala (played by Jason Sabala) a former fist-fighter who returns his homeland after his Mother died. There, he meets up with his old friends and takes up on a new job.

From there, I thought Sabala was gonna go round and beat up some bad guys.. You know? Settle the score kind of thing.. I was wrong. After getting into this film.. I was beginning to get bored. I said to myself 'Just keep watching the film..' I did.

After over 100 minutes of pure boredom.. I felt that the film had lost its steam. There weren't enough action scenes.. The characters weren't that great.

Jason Sabala himself should've been an action hero in this film.. I couldn't really get into the film.

Well, so much for low budget film-making.. But if Todd Freeman, the director had put more effort into the film.. It would've been a sure winner..

Anyway, it's a shame that the film didn't work out for me in the end.. Sorry, but this is a thumbs down..!

Prepare for the ultimate showdown? Unlikely..

0 out of 10!

The Squeeze (1977)

The original British crime thriller of the 70's..

[9/10 · 19 April 2006]

The Squeeze. I saw this film years ago.. But lucky enough.. I got on VHS and it's still in good nick.. What I like about this film.. That it was one of those best original British crime thrillers of the 70's.. Long before The Long Good Friday.. which I also enjoyed..

This film sees Stacy Keach as an alcoholic, ex-cop and single father Jim Naboth trying to stay on the straight and narrow as a private eye.. Things start to go wrong when his ex-wife Jill (Carol White) gets kidnapped by a bunch of gangsters led by Keith (David Hemmings) and Vic Smith (Stephen Boyd).

Mr Foreman (Edward Fox), the new man in Jill's life.. pleads for Naboth to find Jill.

As Naboth investigates, he runs into Vic Smith as he tries to figure out what Naboth is up to.. As the film goes on, we see Naboth trying to battle his addiction to alcohol, but there's also his friend Teddy (Freddie Starr) who's there to help him get over it.

The music score by David Hentschel was amazing! It's more a sleazy version of The Sweeney..

Mind you, director Michael Apted kept the movie going.. Hey! It was the 70's.. I remembered it. Plus this film.. A satisfying 9 out of 10!