Houmatt Reviews

Valentine Road (2013)

Not quite even handed

[5/10 · 6 September 2014]

It might look like Producer/Director Marta Cunningham might have tried to create an even handed film about Lawrence King and his killer, Brandon McInerney, but alas...her bias shows.

For one thing, Cunningham tries way too hard to convince the viewer that Brandon killed Lawrence because of ties to neo-Nazis. And in order to do this, she intentionally leaves out something vital, which explains just exactly why Brandon's jury was deadlocked and members ultimately came to support him.

Joy Epstein, a lesbian, and the Assistant Principal not only supported and encouraged Lawrence, she also gave him a gift card so he could buy girls' shoes that he wore on campus (perhaps the very ones mentioned in the film).

But she also issued a memo to the faculty that Lawrence was not to be bothered by them for his behavior. This directly led to him parading himself in front of groups of boys, following them to the boys' restroom, and taunting them with such things as saying, "You know you want me."

So in the film, you are led to believe Brandon was the sole target of Lawrence's behavior. But the above, reported during trial coverage by Los Angeles Times, shows otherwise.

Now you know the rest of the story.

There is also the talk of "tolerance" and the use of Mackelmore and Ryan Lewis's "Same Love," so you know where Cunningham is going with this.

Shameful. Just stick with the facts, ma'am, no matter how much it hurts.

Carrie (2013)

Get ready for disappointment!

[4/10 · 18 October 2013]

Yeah, I was quite disappointed with this film. Allow me to explain...and this comes with a spoiler warning.

When I first heard this was being done, I just shook my head. Because you had a 1976 film version, a made-for-TV film version (which was serving as, believe it or not, a pilot for an ongoing series), and a stage musical(!). So why are we going back to this particular well? Then I heard the simply adorable Chloe Moretz was cast in the title role. It did not feel right for me at all, primarily because of Sissy Spacek, who played the role in the 1976 version at the age of 26. But, Carrie White, chronologically speaking, was 16 in King's novel. As is Moretz. Okay. And then I heard this film would be "closer to King's novel." So I was sold.

But as I watched the opening credits I noticed the following: "Screenplay by Lawrence D. Cohen and Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa." Up to this point, I had only seen a single writing credit for the latter. And Cohen wrote the 1976 film. So why was it there? And then I found out: There are several elements lifted from the earlier film version, to the point I am certain the WGA required Cohen be given credit. This was making it less an adaptation of King's novel, and more of a remake of a 37-year-old film. So much for the promise of a closer adaptation.

But then it gets worse. Much, much worse. You get your first hint of foreboding when Carrie tells her mother where she got her power from. I was left thinking, um..how do you know this? But then we get to the prom. The video slide show made no sense to me whatsoever. In fact, I am sure it was placed there as a setup for what happens later, which is lame, lame, lame. But I digress.

Telekinesis is the ability to move and/or manipulate objects with your mind. And what is Carrie doing? After she locks her mother in a room by way of super-heating a sliding bolt, the climax shows her levitating and hovering over a floor, cracking open a stretch of road by stomping on it, stopping a car from hitting her by creating a force field or shield, and for good measure, letting another girl know she is pregnant AND the baby's gender! Carrie doesn't merely have "the power". She is a full-on mutant! I was half expecting Agent Coulson or Professor Xavier to make a cameo in a post-credit scene or something.

I do not expect King to like this film. I know I didn't. Wait for it on Redbox if you feel you must watch this waste.

Part of Me (2012)

Katy Perry is...Katy Perry

[8/10 · 4 July 2012]

I caught this at a sneak on July 2 at AMC Universal City. A lot of people were there, mostly teens and young adults. Kitty Purry made an appearance and I waved and said hello after getting concessions and heading into the theater.

What I saw was an experience. It is a film about Katy's world tour from last year, interspersed with peeks into her personal life.

I can honestly say I respect Katy even more than I did before because she, as a producer, had control over what could and could not be shown. But she really gives us all access. She lets us see the woman behind the curtain.

I know films like (not-so)AMAZING SPIDER-MAN is going to overshadow this film except for the "Katy Cats," but don't let that deter you from a smile and a tear and a good time. KATY PERRY: PART OF ME delivers.

Life in a Day (2011)

The Best Film of 2011.

[10/10 · 25 July 2011]

I had the privilege of seeing this film last night (though it took some doing). I fell in love with the trailer, and the movie doesn't disappoint. Ever.

Since the films that you see either part of or completely were filmed July 24 of 2010, a year ago, I would very much like to find out what happened to some of the people presented.

You meet a wife and mother suffering from what is apparently breast cancer. A Korean travelling the world on his bicycle. An army wife whose communications with her overseas hubby results in her crying over missing him so.

Unfortunately, this footage is mixed in with unsettling footage of animal slaughter. One may question why this is in the film, but as people were asked to submit films of their day to day lives, there you go.

It is for this reason the film is rated PG-13, and is not recommended for small children or the squeamish.

But if this film doesn't pick up the Oscar for Best Documentary Feature (let alone be nominated) next year I will no longer have confidence in the Academy Awards.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)

Am I the only one to be disappointed??? ***spoilerrific***

[5/10 · 15 July 2011]

Yeah. I came out of the film disappointed. Not feeling like I had a good time.

Don't get me wrong, it was a good movie. But there are things that brought it down and too many of them for it to be forgivable.

1) Dumbledore's brother and sister. You know what I mean. Referred to and never followed upon.

2) The kiss. Didn't happen in the Chamber of Secrets. In fact, did the Chamber scene happen at all? In the book, it happens after Ron expresses concern for the welfare of the elves (in light of Dobby's heroic death) in the outbreak of a fire at Hogwarts. Here, it is given to you as a variation of the "We're alive! Let's kiss!" movie cliché'.

3) Fred's death should have been on screen. Period.

4) The Avada Kedavra curse didn't make bodies disintergrate. Until Voldemort (and perhaps Bellatrix, too?). What?

5) The roles of Matthew Lewis and Evanna Lynch (Neville and Luna respectively) were enough to warrant their names as part of the supporting cast. To only see their names in the full cast is scandalous to say the least.

(And, yes, I am aware two-time Oscar winner Emma Thompson gets the same treatment. I know she makes two small appearances, but again, she has two bloody Oscars! Either she is very humble or she needs a better agent.)

6) They really should have stuck with the CGI aging. Except for maybe Ginny and Draco, none of them looked like they were 36.

[Rec]² (2009)

Not too shabby sequel

[7/10 · 2 June 2011]

I wish to be short, sweet and to the point here: Rec2 is a good film. Not a great film, but that is okay.

The movie gives you the final image of the previous, then switches POV to a Spanish version of a SWAT team. Contrary to what I or others may have heard, the film does not begin approximately 10 minutes after the previous, as the final scene will show you. Major gore abound, scares and violence comes during the film's length.

But I wanted to really address a misconception a lot of the posters here have been touching on. And to do that--

**MAJOR SPOILER**

The origin of the virus seems to be explained as something not chemical in nature. In fact, people have gotten the impression that it is demonic possession, and one can get that because of certain things that are said and things that occur.

However, if you pay close attention, you may have noticed two things. One, the newspaper clippings. It is said the girl was simply abandoned, dropped off with this problem. But you look at the clippings and you see a single word that stands out. I don't know much Spanish, and the headlines were not translated into subtitles for the copy I saw, but I am just about certain the word "extraterrestrial" was used.

Plus, without giving away the ending, something "jumped ship," if you may.

In English: This virus came courtesy of an E.T.

**END SPOILER**

Go ahead and give this one a go.

Bridesmaids (I) (2011)

The chick flick of the summer has arrived!!

[7/10 · 14 May 2011]

I saw this film on a lark, and I am glad I did. This film is head and shoulders better than SOMETHING BORROWED. This is a chick flick that is accessible to ALL (hooray!). The characters have more dimension and depth. You actually felt for these people, especially Annie and Officer Rhodes, played by the marvellous and daring Kristen Wiig and delightful Chris o'Dowd.

I am looking at Melissa McCarthy as the next breakaway star, leaving MIKE AND MOLLY and GILMORE GIRLS far behind as she gives us the astute and very funny Megan.

Of course, the funniest part of the film just has to be in the trailer. Too bad.

The problems I had with this film are that the men in this film, on screen and off, are not looked upon very well (with the exception of Ted and Officer Rhodes). Neither is marriage, even for a newlywed who is part of the bridal party.

Some scenes are just awkward, such as when Annie and Helen give dueling engagement toasts, or when Wilson Phillips appears to lip sync to a song about 22 years old.

And, finally, do you think that since this was Jill Clayburgh's last film, they could have dedicated it to her memory? I'm just saying.

Guys, this is the chick flick you will want to take your girlfriends and wives to. And vice versa. And they all will thank you.

Something Borrowed (2011)

Not for guys

[2/10 · 8 May 2011]

I saw this film because I met Emily Giffin, who was kind enough to give me a signed copy of her book. I was nice elsewhere, but not really honest. Here, I will be honest.

First off, I find it hard to believe Darcy and Rachel have been friends as long as they have. Realistically, Rachel has serious boundary issues in that she allows Darcy to force her way in and take just because she can. Throughout the film, Darcy displays an "it's all about me" attitude. I would call someone who behaves like that a lot of things, but "friend" is not one of them.

Second, why does Dex have to be such a mama's boy? And why is it implied Dex's mother is depressed, and only her son's marriage will make things better?

Third, I am glad I didn't read the book. If the film is like the book, then just like Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series, it was written with a particular audience in mind, and it is not middle-aged men. And it is not accessible to anyone outside of that target audience. So don't come to this film expecting "Steel Magnolias."

Elephant (2003)

Why make a movie with an unfinished script?

[3/10 · 2 August 2005]

1) Why is this film called ELEPHANT? I'd guess it's a reference to the phrase, "the elephant in the room," something that is so obvious and yet is ignored by all. And yet, I do not see how this applies to what takes place therein.

2) Just whose idea was it to put that silly disclaimer at the end, "Any resemblance between the characters and real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental?" I mean, come on. The film just SCREAMS Columbine.

3) Why did the film end the way it did? Did Gus Van Sant have serious writer's block and just decided to film the script unfinished? How long do you think it would have taken to go to the internet and get a time line of events at Columbine so he could bring his movie to an end?

4) The only reason this film did not get less stars is because although the film's storytelling style was very similar to that of PULP FICTION, is actually taut with suspense in places.

5) Finally, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold did not go on a shooting rampage because they were picked on or tormented. I, and many others went through the same crap at school and never wanted to come to school with the intent of shooting up the place. No, they did what they did because they were purely and simply *EVIL*.

Trekkies (1997)

Garbage--No stars

[27 March 2004]

I actually saw this film in theaters when it first came out. Why did it take me so long write a review? Because I am getting sick and tired of the attitude Paramount seems to have for fans of Trek.

It seems the sole purpose of this film was to show just exactly how Paramount feels about the fans, and it is mission accomplished. Trekkies (or Trekkers, if you prefer) are meant to be seen as people outside the constraints of what is considered "normal."

Where are the serious fans of Trek, like Bjo Trimble? They are nowhere to be found here. Instead, the *only* people profiled in this film have taken Trek fandom to its extremes. People like Barbara Adams, a woman who openly wears Trek paraphernalia every day of her life, and actually asks people to address her as Commander(!). She was the one who showed for jury duty in Arkansas a few years back during the Whitewater scandal in a red TNG costume.

And things do not improve from there.

What I find most shocking about all of this is the fact Paramount has taken the position Trek fans are crazy and stupid by releasing this and continuously tossing out substandard trash under the Trek banner thinking the fans will beat a path to it anyway and never see the contempt.

And they may be right.

One of the worst documentaries of all-time. Avoid.

Bowling for Columbine (2002)

Worst Documentary Ever????

[1/10 · 1 February 2003]

The difference between a documentary and your run of the mill studio film is the presentation of facts. This film intentionally blurs that line by giving the audience so many errors as facts one has to wonder what Moore's endgame was. Here is just a partial list:

Moore reports the parents of Harris and Klebold worked for Lockheed Martin, which built weapons at the nearby plant. Both are false.

Moore ambushes Charlton Heston and tries to do the same to Dick Clark in this mission to blame them for the death of Kayla Rolland at the hands of a gun wielding classmate. What he does not tell you is the boy who committed this crime had been left by a welfare mom in the care of a felonious uncle, who took up residence in a crack house.

Moore also says that at a Michigan bank, opening up an account will get you a free gun. What he fails to mention is all applicants, like any other gun buyer, has to undergo a criminal background check and a mental history before they can obtain the weapon.

Make no mistake: Michael Moore is anti-gun and anti-American. You can read his book "Stupid White Men" or visit his website if this film does not provide enough proof.

And those who gave this film high marks in taking this garbage at face value should hang their heads in shame.

9/11 (2002 TV Movie)

One of the best documentary films EVER

[10/10 · 13 September 2002]

WOW!

This film is the best living testament, I think, of what happened on 9-11-01 in NYC, compared to anything shown by the major media outlets.

Those outlets can only show you what happened on the outside. This film shows you what happened on the INSIDE.

It begins with a focus on a rookie New York fireman, waiting for weeks for the first big fire that he will be called to fight. The subject matter turns abruptly with the ONLY EXISTING FOOTAGE OF THE FIRST PLANE TO HIT THE TOWERS. You are then given a front-row seat as firefighters rush to the scene, into the lobby of Tower One.

In the minutes that precede the crash of the second plane, and Tower Two's subsequent fall, you see firemen reacting to the unsettling sound of people landing above the lobby. It is a sight you will not soon forget.

Heart-rending, tear-jerking, and very compelling from the first minute to the last, "9/11" deserves to go down in history as one of the best documentary films ever made.

We must never forget.

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course (2002)

A Crockin' Good Time, Mate!

[7/10 · 13 July 2002]

First, WOW!

Seeing Stevo on the big screen doing his thing with snakes, a spider, a joey and of course, crocodiles is everything a Croc Hunter fan could ask for. Now, granted, the plot of the film was quite weak, and some the acting wooden (Why couldn't they give Terri the freedom to ad-lib like they did with Steve?), but that should not keep you from why you should come in the first place--to have FUN! Right through the cute montage during the end credits.

If you are looking for a fun film to take the whole family to, this movie delivers!

Second, I have to point out I have no idea who this Duke Savage character is, but he clearly has not seen the film. He describes a scene where Steve has a knife fight with a CIA agent on top of an RV. One problem: The scene never occurred.

The closest thing to it was a scene where (SPOILER WARNING) Steve and an agent are on top Steve's truck, on which a boat has been tied. The agent has a gun, but his disarmed thanks to an unforeseen event in the truck's cab (a Bird Eating Spider has climbed to Terri's face, causing her to swat it and the truck to swerve). Punches are thrown, and Steve subsequently throws the agent off the truck (END SPOILER WARNING).

One Day in September (1999)

One of the best documentaries *ever*

[20 May 2002]

I stumbled upon this film while at work. (I work at a video store.) In a single five-day period, I watched it TWICE, then bought the companion book of the same title. As the 30th anniversary approaches, this compelling film should be re-released to theaters as a reminder to those who have forgotten, and a lesson to those born afterward as the OTHER dark day in human history that happened on a day in September.

Now, a warning: This film is rated R for a reason. They say no amount of words can convey what happened to someone or something without seeing it for yourself. This is demonstrated here, in a big way. If you are squeamish, or if seeing explicit photos may disturb you, DO NOT SEE THIS FILM.

Otherwise, find this puppy and rent it, and be prepared to be engrossed, frightened, and angered. No matter what the woefully ignorant may tell you.

Executions (1995 Video)

Lies! Lies! I can't believe a word you say!

[21 July 2001]

This so-called objective documentary is precisely that. In fact, in the disclaimer before the film, they tell you exactly why the film was made in the first place: To change your mind on the death penalty. Unfortunately, they are not going to do it this way. This program is filled with lies about the death penalty in general, and especially about the practice of it in the United States. The best part of this is a look at the execution of Robert Alton Harris in California's gas chamber. They specifcally talk about what others had seen during his execution. What they do not tell you is why he was given the death penalty in the first place. He was sentenced to die for the murders of two teenage kids. He wanted the car they were in to commit a robbery, so he chased after them and shot them, later bragging to a fellow cellmate that he told one of the boys, who was crying and begging for his life, to "Shut up and die like a man." None of that is mentioned. In fact, the victims are never mentioned at all. Not even once. And they have the audacity to called this film objective. Uh-uh. Nope. Avoid this film at all costs. You will thank me later.

Memento (2000)

Remember Memento

[30 March 2001]

Okay, as you will see from reading the comments, this is like a Harold Pinter play, in that the story is told BACKWARDS. So paying attention is key here. But once you get to the end/beginning, and all the rest of the pieces of the puzzle are laid into place, you are going to be saying two things:

1): That was one of the best films I have seen this year!

2): Why wasn't this film picked up by a major distributor?

However, if your attention span is as short as Leonard's memory, you may want to see something else.

Python (2000 TV Movie)

MST3K fodder to the max!

[28 January 2001]

This, my fellow movie geek, is why Mystery Science Theater 3000 should never have been cancelled. Recognizable names and faces were utterly wasted in this US DTV release.

Severe lapses in logic, a telegraphed ending that one could see from the film's beginning, and an obviously computer generated snake were more than enough to kill one's interest. But wait! There's more! The snake behaves in a way that is totally uncharacteristic of a constrictor, and the writing/acting is over the top on the lame meter.

I feel sorry for Robert Englund. With his playing Freddy in six films and a television series, he will now only be associated with horror.

If you feel you must watch this film, you can A) bring some friends over and turn it into the MST3K Home Game, or B) listen for the reference to the Friday the 13th films. That is the film's only high point.

The House of Mirth (2000)

A remarkable descent into darkness

[20 January 2001]

I have to tell you this film, although high in quality, is not for everyone. The best way I can describe it is that it's like a light bulb about to go out, slowly dimming, then darkness altogether. There are no happy endings here.

Gillian Anderson portrays the film's "heroine", Lily Bart. She is seen in virtually all of the film, which is about a woman who finds out the hard way pride does indeed goeth before a fall.

Anderson gives a remarkable performance here; it would indeed be a travesty if she does not at least get an Oscar nomination (and anyone who says she is a second-rate actress should get their head examined). But the one person who surprised me the most (other than Dan Aykroyd as a cast-against-type would-be adulterer) is Eleanor Bron as Lily's aunt. She may be older now, but she is still as beautiful as she was in the early part of her career. And she can pull her weight with the best of them, especially with her final scene, which had me riveted to the screen.

It should go without saying this is a four-star film. But pay heed to what I said at the beginning.

How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

How the Grinch Stole Two Hours of My Life I Cannot Get Back!

[1/10 · 19 November 2000]

Wow! What anticipation I felt as this movie slowly made its way into theaters! Geez! What a major disappointment it was! To what extent you ask? If my wife was not there with me, I would have walked out. And believe me, I wanted to. Do yourself a favor: Do! Not! See! This! Film! The animated special is back out in stores for sale on VHS. See that one, and save your sanity by avoiding this turkey.

High Fidelity (2000)

One of the year's best films

[12 April 2000]

Top 5 reasons I love this film:

1) John Cusack 2) Jack Black 3) the soundtrack 4) the script 5) Iben Hjelje (who looks like a cross between Mary Stuart Masterson and Patricia Arquette)

If you do not see this film, you will regret it forever. Yes, it is that good.

Eye of the Beholder (1999)

Shockingly bad

[12 April 2000]

So here I am, looking at reviews of this film, and I am both amazed and appalled by the people who actually said they LIKED this film. Tell me something, were you under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs when you saw this? Because the film I saw made absolutely no sense whatsoever to me. The plot was purely schizophrenic, in that it just refused to follow anything to its conclusion. This film is not a buried treasure, or even guilty pleasure. It is just plain awful. One of the worst films of the year, if not of all time. Believe me, that is saying something.

The Last Broadcast (1998)

AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!

[1 April 2000]

What can I say? Well, maybe, I wonder if those who praise this film saw the same film as I? I rented this puppy a few days ago, and watched it today. It was not worth the wait, let me tell you. My wife lost interest after 20 minutes, and I kept fast forwarding it, wondering when they would just get to the point. It took a long time to get there. The only saving grace was the revelation of the killer's identity and their actions upon that revelation. But take my advice. Read the spoilers. Then you can save yourself a lot of time and money. On a scale of four stars to BOMB, this winner rates a BOMB. For something more believable, see CURSE OF THE BLAIR WITCH.

Anaconda (1997)

Cheeseorama!!!

[5 September 1999]

*Warning! Spoilers!*

This was the first film I took my now wife to. I am lucky there was a second date.



ANACONDA was so cheesy it was unbelievable! Jon Voight spent his screen time doing some major scenery chewing before he is eaten himself. What he does after he is spit out by the snake has to be seen to be believed.

The snake looked real to me, but, come on, it is shot in the head at point blank range and it is still alive??? What a joke!

The good: The special effects. The bad: The plot. The ugly: Jon Voight.

Yes, this film would have been better served as a direct-to-video release.

Popeye (1980)

AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

[5 September 1999]

The *WORST* film I have *EVER* seen. Good thing I did not see this at the theater or I would have demanded my money back.

"Underrated?" Are we talking about the same film here? What I saw (which was about a half hour, on cable) made me make a leap for the remote. Robin Williams should be glad noone held this film against him otherwise his career would have been over long ago.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

One of the year's best films.

[10/10 · 19 July 1999]

Finally, a horror film wholly original! A film about three young adults that go into the woods to get material about a mysterious legend and never return. With the actors portraying themselves and their lines improvised, it is hard not to believe their thoughts, feelings and emotions.

As the fear closes in around them, the audience approaches a conclusion that one may not understand unless they have been paying close attention. But the payoff is sudden, dramatic, and terrifying.

This movie lives up to the hype. And then some. Four stars.